the dark sapphire -Bucky Barnes-

62

When Ally got ready for bed, she lay back down with Bucky and snuggled up to him. Smiling, Bucky put his arm around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, while Ally's thoughts alternated between the conversation with Sam this morning and the one with Lean earlier. She desperately wanted to talk to Bucky about her worries, but at the same time she couldn't think straight because of the sad look on Lean's face when she had told about her husband.

"Are you okay?" Bucky snapped her out of her thoughts and gave her a worried look. "You look like something is going through your mind" he remarked. "Too much" Ally muttered before sitting up with a sigh. "We need to talk, Bucky" Bucky looked at her surprised and scared at the same time. "Did I... do something wrong?" he asked, looking almost intimidated. Ally had to smile. "No, you didn't" she ran her hand over his arm. "Good lord" Bucky exhaled in relief. "Then what's bothering you Doll?" he asked, tilting his head slightly to the side as he smiled lovingly at Ally.

Ally sighed before she started talking. "I had a really good talk with Sam today after practice. We talked about.... you and me. Sam listened to me and eased my worries about the problem I brought up, but I still wanted to tell you." Bucky nodded in understanding and put his hand on Ally's. "You can tell me anything, Doll" Ally smiled briefly before lowering her head. "I told Sam that sometimes I feel like you only like me....because I'm, well, because I'm Steve's granddaughter" Bucky looked at her in shock. "Really?" he asked softly. Ally nodded without lifting her head.

"Doll, I... I'm sorry if you feel that way, but it's not true" Bucky couldn't find words to reassure her. He had no idea what to say to her. "I like you for the way you are, not because of who you are, ok?" Ally still kept her eyes down. "Doll, hey, can you look at me, please?" he lightly stroked her hand, whereupon she lifted her gaze. He looked her straight in the eyes as he continued to speak. "I... I honestly don't know how to prove you wrong. I can only tell you that it's not true, and I hope my word is enough for you to stop worrying your head about it."

Ally swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat and nodded. Sam had been right, Bucky sometimes didn't know how to express his feelings, but she saw it in his gaze,his dilated pupils when she had said it, in his tenderness as his thumb ran over the back of her hand and in his facial expressions, his tense facial muscles, his brow furrowed in exasperation, that he meant it and that was enough for her.

"But that wasn't, the only thing we talked about" Ally voiced quietly. "Sam also told me you are worried too". Bucky stared at her startled for a moment before quickly turning his gaze to the bedspread. he suddenly felt more vulnerable than ever and he didn't like the feeling at all. "Bucky, if whatever is going on between us right now should somehow work, then we need to be open and honest with each other" Ally sighed "I know it's not easy for you" she added softly, putting her hand to Bucky's cheek to turn his head so he was looking back at her.

Ally recognized the pain, the fear in Bucky's eyes and everything inside her contracted. Bucky suddenly didn't seem so strong, so imposing, so tall as usual, on the contrary he looked weak, hurt and intimidated and the insecurity that was spreading inside him could also be literally seen. "It's okay" Ally stroked his cheek. "You can be honest. Nothing is going to happen" she whispered. Bucky swallowed audibly as he nodded.

"I...I doubt if it's good that you and I are so...close" Bucky pressed out. "I'm afraid, afraid I'll hurt you, Doll. I'm not the typical man, I have a lot of faults and I don't want you to suffer from them" "no one's perfect" Ally took Bucky's hand in hers "But I'm further down than any other person. I'm the worst, at the bottom. I've killed, I'm broken. I can't give you anything" "don't tell yourself such bullshit, Bucky. You're a great person with a shitty past for which you are not responsible"

"stop trying to make me feel better, Doll. I know what I am" Bucky sighed and Ally felt a twinge in her heart. She had never seen Bucky so devastated as he was at that moment. There was so much suffering and pain reflected in his eyes, it was too much for one person to bear. "I'm not trying to sugarcoat it for you, Bucky. I'm just trying to show you what you don't want to perceive. But you need to see it so you understand that you're worth more than you think. I want you to see yourself through my eyes or Sam's. Because we see you for who you really are"

Only now did Ally notice the tears shining in Bucky's eyes. "It's okay. Let it out" she stroked his cheek again. Bucky, who had been trying to hold back his tears, suddenly couldn't hold them in. Individual tears ran down Bucky's face. Ally leaned against Bucky's shoulder and wrapped her arms around his body, careful not to touch the wound. Sighing, Bucky laid his head on Ally's as tears continued to run down his face. He hated crying, especially in front of Ally, but he couldn't help it, he felt so vulnerable right now.

"you're a great person, Bucky. You knew me for only twenty minutes when you decided to let me sleep at your place that night because Steve asked you to protect me. You were there for me the night I had that first nightmare. You didn't hesitate for a second when we had to go into hiding because of me, even though you didn't know if I was even in danger. You spent all those nights by my side just to make sure I slept well, got through my nightmares with me. You trained with me every day, never doubted that I could get my powers under control, and most of all, you didn't give up on me when I was suddenly gone. You saved me, freed me from Hydra and no matter how bad things were with me, how far down I was, all you ever wanted to do was protect me" Ally paused for a moment to take a proper breath as Bucky put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"You fought for me with yourself and your past and all just to make me feel better, you didn't take into consideration what it would trigger in you, what it would do to yourself" Ally raised her head to look at Bucky. Tears were still sporadically running down his cheek. "You always believed in me, even when I had long given up on myself and that, Bucky, that makes you a good person. It's not what Hydra made you do that counts. What matters is what you did as James Bucky Barnes, willingly. I know you still see yourself as the bad guy, but you haven't been for a long time" Ally brushed the tears from his cheek. "You're one of the good ones now, one of the best people I know" Bucky smiled sadly at her. "Thank you" his voice sounded weak before Ally wrapped her arms around him tightly and leaned against him.

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