the dark sapphire -Bucky Barnes-

12

"and after that you could remember everything?" Bucky shook his head. "No, new fragments of memories kept coming. But in one incident I was triggered again with the words, they made me a killer again. Steve saved me again, multiple times. He was fighting with Tony Stark because of me, almost killed him for my sake. Afterwards he took me to Wakanda. There they froze me for a while and after some time Shuri helped me to get rid of the trigger words and to remember more and more. But I'm still missing some fragments" "what can you remember?" "my childhood, the time with Steve, the Army, the Howling Commands, my crash from the train" "your missions from Hydra?" "partly, sometimes just dark, sometimes not quite, sometimes I don't see faces, but yes, some I can remember" Bucky turned away, he wasn't proud of what he had done back then, but Shuri had taught him to accept the deeds. They were part of his life, they made him who he is today and even if he wanted to, he couldn't undo it.

Ally realized that Bucky was struggling with himself and felt guilty. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have started asking. I didn't mean for you to...I'm really sorry" She stood up and paced the room tensely. "Hey..." Bucky grabbed her arm and stopped her. He squeezed lightly to get her to look at him. "It's okay. I gave you permission. You don't have to worry, okay?" Ally sighed and nodded. "But I think I've asked you enough for today" she said and sat back on the bed. "Do you mind if I ask you some more questions?" Bucky asked. Ally shook her head.

"How come none of us have seen the letter Steve wrote you?" Ally laughed. "Do you doubt it exists?" Bucky grinned. "no, I believe you that it exists" "I don't mind either if you want to read it. There's nothing in it you're not allowed to know. I can give it to you" she stood up and opened her closet. From under the pile of clothes that were in the closet, she pulled out an envelope, which she handed to Bucky. "Here, just give it back to me when you've read it" she said, dropping back down on the bed. "I should be going soon anyway. You should sleep" Bucky said as he pocketed the letter. "I can't sleep anyway" Ally said trying to smile.

"Why can't you sleep?" Bucky asked. Ally sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe because the new information about my past is keeping me awake, or maybe I'm just afraid I'll have another nightmare if I sleep" "would it help if you weren't alone?" "do you want to sleep here?" ally asked in surprise. "Oh god no. I'll stay here until you fall asleep" he said laughing. Ally grinned. "Maybe it would help me to know I'm not alone" she said. "Good..." Bucky smiled. "Then I'll stay here."

Ally went into the bathroom to change and get ready for bed while Bucky moved his chair back to the table that was in the room. He didn't want to stay sitting in front of Ally's bed like a creppy guy watching her fall asleep. When Ally left the bathroom, she lay down in bed, yawning. "I'll leave my bedside lamp on for you so you're not completely in the dark" she said before turning off the overhead lamp. "Good night, Ally" Bucky said and leaned back in the chair while Ally turned to the wall and closed her eyes. "Good night" she murmured.

When Ally's breathing became steadier, Bucky suspected she had fallen asleep. But to make sure she would sleep peacefully, he decided to stay with her for a while. To keep himself occupied so he wouldn't fall asleep in the chair, he decided to read Steve's letter that Ally had received. Again, he immediately recognized Steve's handwriting as he unfolded the pages, and again, it looked more shaky than he remembered. Curious, he began to read.

Dear Alison,
My name is Steve Rogers, you probably know me more as Captain America. You probably wonder why you are getting a letter from me, but it is to clear that up that I am writing you this letter.
I'm sure you've heard what's been happening in the world. Thanos, a man from another planet, has wiped out half of humanity, to be exact, half of life on every planet. I don't know if you were affected by that or if you had to spend those five bad years on Earth not knowing if you'll ever see your loved ones again. anyway, we defeated Thanos and brought the people back. Why am I telling you this?
We had to travel back in time to get the stones to undo Thanos' deeds. However, we had to bring the stones back afterwards so as not to create parallel universes that might otherwise have messed everything up. I was chosen to travel to the past to return the stones to their proper time and place, but I stayed in the past.
As you may know, I was born in 1917 and fought in the Second World War. I don't really belong to the present, it was an accident that froze me and revived me after 70 years. I lost a lot in the past then, some I got back, but one was taken away from me. The life I shared with the love of my life. A life I shared with your grandmother Peggy. Yes, Alison, the reason you are getting this letter from me is because I am your grandfather.
Back in the past I married your grandmother and we had a child, your father James. We were a small happy family, however we fell out with your father when he was older and he cut off contact with us.
We never met your mother Lilith and unfortunately never knew that you were born.
Only when I traveled back to the present in 1993, I finally wanted to get along with your father, but had to learn that he had died in a car accident together with your mother. they left behind a daughter, then 16. I was shocked, my son was dead, I could never tell him how sorry I was for everything and at the same time I was a grandpa without knowing it.
I asked someone to look for you and was over happy when I found out you were living an independent life in New York. I got pictures of you and recognized in you the beauty of your grandmother, as well as the features of your father. So many times I wanted to visit you, but every time I got scared.
How would you react if I suddenly stood in front of you and told you what had happened? What if you didn't believe me? What if you blamed me for the death of your parents because I had abandoned your father? I was a coward because I knew I blamed myself. Nevertheless, I swore to keep an eye on you and to protect you and be there for you, as I never was for your father.
If you are reading this now, it is too late to ever know you, because it means I am no longer alive. It also meant that I am no longer around to protect you. However, there are people in this world that I trust will protect you.
Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, my two most trusted companions, will be ready to protect you at any time, I know that. If you really need it, you can just go and see them. Hand them the letter I put with yours and they will believe you.
I'm sorry, Alison, that I never got to know you and that I wasn't there for you when your parents passed away.
Steve

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