Loving a Believer

Chapter 30: Heart-to-heart Talk

I was surprised and speechless. I didn't know what to react.

"S-she was the reason why I spent so much time in San Francisco. S-she was sick, then she died last month... on her birthday," he cried more when he said the last words. "It's so painful to lose her..."

I hugged him back. His shoulders were shaking because of crying. My heart raced. Tila nanikip ang dibdib ko dahil ramdam ko rin ang kabigatan na dinadala niya. Sobrang nasasaktan din ako dahil nakikita ko siyang ganito. He was really in pain.

"I love her, Fara... I love her so much..." he said between his sorrowful cries.

I gently rubbed his back, trying comfort him.

Though I was disappointed because he kept it from me, mas nangibabaw pa rin ang pag-aalala ko sa kalagayan niya. Dati, siya ang naging sandalan ko noong mga panahong lugmok na lugmok ako at pagod na pagod na akong mabuhay. He was the one who helped and comforted me. This time... he was the one who needed me. At ang nais ko lang ipadama sa kanya ngayon ay... naiintindihan ko siya.

I didn't like the idea that he had had children with Demi but I wasn't happy about their death, especially now that I saw how painful it was for Storm. It was the first time that he cried to me like this. He was really in a deep sorrow.

"Her name was Shekinah... She was so adorable... She had a nice voice like mine... Her smiles were so precious... She always wanted to see me... She always waited for me... She loves me so much..." He began to whimper in his last sentence. It broke my heart because I could see how broken he was. It was obvious that he really loved the child.

I continued rubbing his back. Tila basang-basa na ang balikat ko ng mga luha niya. I didn't know how to calm him down. But, maybe I should just let him spill all his burdens out. It would help him.

"I failed to be a good father to her..." There was hopelessness in his voice. "I'm a useless father..." When he said that, my eyes became warm until I burst into tears. I never expected that I would hear those words from him.

This time, I decided to speak. "No. Y-you're not," lumuluha na pagtutol ko. "You're an amazing father. I know... Eli will also say that to you someday."

"I hate myself for keeping her... I should've made her feel accepted... I know she knew that I have another family and she was a bastard..."

I fell silent. Nabalot ng kalungkutan ang puso ko. Nasaktan ako para sa bata. She didn't deserve it. Every child doesn't deserve to be a bastard... Pero wala kaming magagawa. Demi and Storm's children were the product of their past.

However, I still admired Storm... "I admire you for taking your responsibility to her, Storm. You did not run away from her. You took the risk just to be with her. I think that was the most wonderful thing you've ever done for her. We don't know what was in her mind. If she knew that she was a bastard, I believe that she appreciated the time and efforts you gave to her; surely, she felt your love for her..." I tried to enlighten him. Throughout our marriage, he was always the one who enlightened me. Pero ngayon, tila nagbago ang ihip ng hangin.

"B-but it wasn't enough," mahinang sabi niya.

"You know to yourself if you've given your best to her. You can't be a perfect father, but I know you can give your best to your children. I believe you've done that to her."

Bahagyang humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin at narinig ko ang tugon niya, "I did..."

Though my eyes were wet with tears, I slightly smiled. "Then you became a good father to her, Storm," I said.

He fell silent, so I fell silent too. Later, he calmed down. Our surroundings became quiet. I gently kissed the side of his head and ran my fingers on his hair.