Complex || YoonKook (Completed) ✔️

Let's Talk Later

He puts his head down on the table as he lets his tears fall freely.

He told him he shouldn't exist?

"I can't bring myself to speak to him. I can't. I've been avoiding him." He lifts his head off of the table to look at me, "How do you apologize for making someone want to end their life? I don't- I don't know what I would tell him-" He cuts off his sentence as he lets out a sob as a few tears escape my eyes as well.

Namjoon said Kook was fourteen when he met him so he was only fourteen when this happened with Jin.

I'm trying to keep a level head and listen to my friend. Trying to understand from his perspective what he was feeling. But I am having a very difficult time thinking objectively about this.

My heart is aching that he is upset but I also want to raise my voice and ask him what the fuck he was thinking.

Confused or not, he should have been more sensitive to Kook. He was just a kid!

I decide it is better if I just stay quiet. Wait to see if he will continue so I can try to understand.

"I had a suspicion that he may have had a crush on me. Instead of being up front, telling him I wasn't sure about my sexuality and got ahead of the situation I was vain and liked the attention.

"I hadn't had that type of attention before. Girls were always flirting with me but I wasn't interested. I'd never really had a boy be so forward and show so much interest. Whether he meant to do it or not, he was a flirt. And I enjoyed it selfishly.

"I had never kissed a boy before. I had thought about it but never dared to do it. That day in my room I could tell he was anxious. He had come over and I answered the door.

"He asked if Tae was there and of course he wasn't, but he already knew that. He had begun to prefer Tae not be home when he came to hang out at the house. After I told him he wasn't he asked if I had gotten my latest batch of prints back and I told him I had.

"He asked to see them and we went up to my room where I had the pictures. This wasn't anything new. We had done this on a few occasions. He was interested in photography and it was something we enjoyed talking about together.

"I could tell he was anxious and I didn't quite know why. He kept saying my name and starting sentences but would turn them into questions. I just pushed my thoughts to the side and excused it as him having an off day and being distracted by something.

"I was showing him a picture I had taken and as I turned to face him he kissed me. It was a quick but I was completely stunned. He was my first kiss with a boy."

He stops again to let a few more sobs out, still not looking at me.

"I liked it. I wanted to kiss him again... and it made me mad. Furious. I had been spending the whole summer away from my parents and my friends to get over these thoughts. To overcome this inner struggle I was having. To force myself to be 'normal.' And he ruined everything.

"Without even thinking I just unloaded on him everything I was feeling. I wasn't even really talking to him. It was almost like I was talking out loud to myself and he was just, there.

"When I realized he was still cowering on my bed while I yelled I was mortified. Not only with myself but with the situation as a whole. I told him to leave and that I never wanted to see him again.

"After he left that day and for a long time after I couldn't even remember everything I said. It was like I blacked out during the conversation. It took weeks for me to piece together and remember everything. The horrendous things I said.