Loving a Believer

Chapter 26: One Was Greater

"See you..."

We had had more conversations before she finally ended the call.

I fell silent again. As I looked at my surroundings, my eyes landed on the door of Demi's room. I got anxious again about her situation. I wanted to talk to her for the last time, so I stood up. I headed to their kitchen to find something to bring to Demi, a food. Wala akong ibang nakita roon kundi ang mga naka-display na prutas sa lamesa. I took an apple, sliced it and put it in the bowl. Demi needed to eat. I won't let her sleep without eating anything. She was still a friend to me so I didn't want to forsake her.

Then, I headed to her room holding the bowl of sliced apple. I knocked the door and called her, "Demi?"

She wasn't answering. Since her door wasn't locked, I just initiated to open it. Her room was a little bit dark because only the dim lights of her room were turned on. My brows furrowed when I saw nobody on the bed, but I could hear whimpers. I searched for Demi, and there I saw her at the corner of the wall of her room, sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall. She was crying. I could sense pain and longing in her cries. I felt pity for her. I knew how much she loved Shekinah.

I walked slowly, approaching her. I knelt down and called her, "Demi..."

She removed her hands from her face and turned her head to me. I saw her face that was wet with her own tears. Seeing her miserable like this broke my heart. It was the second time that I saw her crying because of so much pain. The first one was when I told her that I was already married to someone else.

"You need to eat..." I told her and drew the bowl near her. She just looked at it while still sobbing.

"I'm not hungry," she replied.

"But you need to eat."

"Just leave it there," she said and stood up. Doon ako napatingala sa kanya. Kalaunan, napatayo na rin ako.

Napasunod ako ng tingin sa kanya nang umupo siya sa kama. Kinuha niya ang panyo na naroon at pinunasan ang mga luha niya. Tumahan na rin siya sa pag-iyak.

"Kapag ba iniwan ko ito rito, you'll eat it?" paninigurado ko.

Naghintay ako ng tugon niya pero hindi siya tumugon. Nanatili lang siyang nakatingin sa bintana, kung saan kita ang maliwanag na buwan. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako at nilapag ang bowl sa bedside table. I sat beside her but there was a one-person space between us. I looked at where she was gazing into.

"Do you believe that God is good all the time?" she suddenly asked.

Napabaling ako ng tingin sa kanya, ngunit siya, nanatiling nakatingin sa buwan. Kita ko ang pamamaga ng mga mata niya, yet she's still beautiful.

"Yes. God is good all the time," I replied.

"I think He's not," she said like she wanted to cry again, which made me look at her with disappointment. I didn't like what she said.

"Demi... Don't say that," I told her.

"Why? Isn't it true? Pinagaling niya ako, 'di ba? Pero bakit hindi niya pinagaling si Shekinah?" She looked at me with teary eyes. "I was begging to him to heal my daughter! I was consistently praying for Shekinah! But He didn't listen!" she said with so much anger, until she started to cry again. "HE TOOK MY DAUGHTER FROM ME!" she yelled.

I gulped and looked away. I was speechless. I felt a pang of pain in my chest, not because of Demi's agony but because of her wrong understanding about God's will. My heart ached for God. If I was hurt, I knew that God was hurt more.

"Shekinah was adorable. She was a nice kid. She was so lovely... But why did God deny her?" she questioned.

"He didn't deny her," I replied.

"He did!" madiin na sabi niya.

Umiling ako. "Demi, you should know how to accept the will of God. It's true that faith can move mountains, but it still depends on the will of God. We can't force to God what we want."

"That's it! It was His will! It was His will to let Shekinah die! Is that goodness? He knows that she was all I had. She was the reason why I learned to be contented with what I had, b-but He took her! He took her from me!"

Her statement saddened me, but I couldn't blame her. Her foundation wasn't strong and stable as mine. She wasn't like me who loved God more than anyone else. I could lose anyone but not God. Demi was acting and thinking like this because she loved our daughter more than God. I loved Shekinah, but I loved God more so I couldn't hate Him. Kaya nga tinanggap ko Siya bilang Panginoon eh, dahil nais ko na Siya ang masunod sa buhay ko, hindi ako. Handa akong sumunod sa lahat ng plano Niya sa buhay ko... whatever it costs.

"You must be thankful to God because He let you have Shekinah even for a short time—"

"It's not enough. That's not enough, Dylan." She looked at me with annoyance. "N-nasasabi mo lang 'yan dahil hindi naman ikaw ang m-maiiwan." Her voice broke. "Y-you have a wife and son... Malilimutan mo rin kami..." She whimpered more.

I fell silent although I knew how to defend my side.

"Y-you replaced us." Ramdam ko ang hinanakit niya sa akin. "Until now, I still can't accept that, Dylan..."

I stared at her with pardon. I could feel the fast beat of my heart because of different emotions that started to fill me in.

"Why did you unloved me that fast?" she asked me emotionally.

"No, it wasn't fast as what you think..." I said softly.

Her brows furrowed in confusion but she remained sobbing. "W-what do you mean?"

"Fara and I were just arranged. I married her because Mom requested me to marry her. I was still inlove with you when we got married," I explained. This was the right time to tell her the truth so that she wouldn't think anymore that it was all my fault.

"It didn't change the fact that you married someone else. Y-you promised me, Dylan..."

"But I didn't unlove you that fast. I was so hopeless when you left me. What would I do?"

"I told you to wait for me."

Napakunot-noo ako. "You told me? You left me without saying goodbye." I didn't remember anything that she told me to wait.

"I gave a letter to manang linda. I told her to give it to you. I wrote there that I would come back." Lalo akong naguluhan dahil sa sinabi niya. But at the same time, hindi makapaniwala sa nalaman ko.

"Manang Linda didn't give anything when you left."

Her lips parted in shock. "W-what?"

"I was so mad at you because you didn't say goodbye," naguguluhan na sabi ko.

Kalaunan, biglang lumungkot ang expression ng mukha niya. "I see... Kaya pala..." She wiped her tears away. "If you knew that I would come back, would you still marry Fara?" she suddenly asked.

I paused for a moment. I brought back myself to the place where I was still into her. "I guess... No, I wouldn't." Because I was still in love with her that time.

Napatitig siya sa akin, gayon din ako sa kanya.

"Don't you really love me anymore?" she asked once more.

I blinked, absorbing what she asked me. I suddenly got confused about what I felt for her at the moment. Did I still have feelings for her? That was insane! I was already five years married to Fara... and I loved Fara. Was it possible for me to love them both but one was greater? But honestly, Demi's question was one of the questions in my mind that I was still unsure of the answer, and I wanted to confirm it.

I froze when I realized that she was already near me. I felt her hands caressing my face. I could see love and longing in her eyes when I gazed at those. She closed her eyes as she drew her face closer to mine, until I felt her lips against mine.