Day 173

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Made it home safely, though when I arrived, it was under attack by a dragon. I joined the guards and we managed to take it down, but we lost one guard. I did my best to heal her, but her wounds were too grievous. I feel terrible.

I had a talk with Lydia. She hasn't had to go to the Companions yet, thanks to her rationing the remaining food. Lucia knows the situation, Lydia couldn't keep it from her, she's too clever. I suppose it's for the best. I want to shelter Lucia from the bad in the world, but sheltering her too much is only detrimental to her growth. She's even started picking flowers to sell in the market. She got the idea from when I had told her about the little girl in Windhelm who does the same.

Being home is bittersweet. Being with Lucia fills my heart, but it's like there's a hole in it, slowly draining. I can't stop thinking about Brelyna. Lucia asked why she hadn't come, and I had to tell her that we couldn't be together anymore, it just wasn't practical. Then she hugged me while I cried. Sometimes I swear she has an older soul.

Tomorrow I'll talk with Lydia more, get her input on what I should do, whether I should ask the Companions for a loan or if I should take a few jobs to earn some money. I feel like I need to see Ulfric as soon as I can, but I can't neglect my responsibilities at home.

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