Skyrim Journals: Lopiken [Year 3]

Day 164

I'm at a loss. The teachers called me into the arch-mages quarters to speak with me privately. They thanked me for my leadership during the incident, and even claimed they likely would have failed or even died if not for me. I beg to differ, but what they said next stunned me. They told me that my outstanding performance has granted me an early graduation without having to challenge the exams, and then they asked me to be the arch-mage! After a moment of shock, I laughed. I thought they were joking, but they claim that I have the mind of a leader, that I have what it takes to be arch-mage. I still don't believe them, but I felt I had no choice but to accept it. However, I know the students won't accept it. I know Priscilla will probably try to kill me. Literally. I mean, I'm a first year student, how can I possibly be arch-mage? To be honest, I think they're desperate right now. None of them want to take up the role, and I happened to impress them enough that they think it's a good decision. I'll give them a couple weeks before they...oh...I think I just realized why they chose me. News of the incident has likely spread like wildfire, stirring up even more animosity toward the college. That's why none of them want the position! Those little... Well, since I know it's not because they overestimate my abilities, I don't feel so much pressure.

Now that I've graduated early, I'm supposed to take at least a year off to hone my skills before I return for the next level of studies. I wonder if they expect me to stay here during that time. Well, I can't. This whole incident with Ancano solidified just how much the Thalmor can't be trusted. I doubt even the Empire can be trusted, with the Synod attempting to hoard all the most powerful magical objects of Tamriel. Ulfric is right, Skyrim needs to be independent. I need to leave as soon as I can, return home to prepare for negotiations with Ulfric.

It just dawned on me that Brelyna won't be able to come with me. I'm just so used to us being together all the time, I hadn't even thought about that. I don't want to be without her, but I can't stay until she graduates a month or so from now. I'm so torn. I guess...this is the end of us.

Why does it have to be this way?! Why do I always have to choose the welfare of others over my own? This isn't fair!

I need to stop writing, I can barely make out the words on the parchment through my tears.