River.

Chapter 138: Giving Up On Love

Cassidy's P.O.V.

I felt like I'd been played.

Like I'd lost so much for no reason.

Like I'd given so much.... For no reason.

Yes I fucked up. Quite a few times.

I slept with Max more times than I remember and I'll admit I was wrong for it.

And I regret it so much.

I didn't deserve River.

Then I slept with Stormy.

Stormy only told everyone that we were drunk so that they wouldn't think we had anything going on.

Truth is though, we weren't drunk when it happened. We were completely sober.

I went into his room two months ago just to check on him because he'd flipped out earlier that night.

We sat and talked, and he opened up to me. He finally opened up which he hadn't done since Tommy died.

Then one thing led to another and we had sex. 

And it wasn't just once.

We aren't together or anything but its happened on multiple occasions.

The most recent being just two days ago.

I know its messed up.

Having sex with Tommy's brother...

But I've kinda given up on what's right and what's wrong.

Truth be told I gave up after River and I broke up which is why I wasn't gonna try to pursue a relationship with Max because I didn't wanna break his heart like I broke River's.

Which is why I went to Tommy. Just for something casual.

I didn't expect to start catching feelings for him but I did.

Then I thought that maybe River wasn't the only guy for me.

Tommy made me change my mind about giving up on love. He promised that he'd help me forget about River.

He gave me hope.

But after he died I felt as if love just wasn't meant for me.

And Stormy's pretty much given up on everything.

So what we did was only bound to happen.

He knows how easily I catch feelings and we promised that wouldn't catch feelings for eachother.

But one time when we were just laying in bed he grabbed my hand and held onto it without saying a word.

A minute later he let go.

I asked him why did he let go and he said because he promised that he wouldn't catch feelings for me.    
Then he said that maybe it was already too late.

We didn't talk for a week after that.

I know I'm a horrible person.

I don't deserve love.

And I probably deserved everything River said to me.... Even if it did hurt.

But it still doesn't change the fact that I loved him more than anything.

And it doesn't change the fact that I'm thankful that he came into my life.

The balcony door opened then closed and seconds later Sehrem sat down in the chair next to me.

"I'm sorry..." He said.

"Don't be. Its not your fault..."

"Actually it is."

I turned my head to look at him... Hoping he'd explain.

"River showed you a glimpse of what he can do." He began. "Part of my 'gift' is that I'm able to get the truth out of any and everyone with the simple snap of my fingers.  I used it on all of you tonight and I truly regret it. I didn't think it would go as far as it did."

"Why did you do it?"

"As Riley was speaking to Kevin I saw that he was holding back from saying something important in order to hide the truth. Just in case whatever he was hiding was something that we all needed to know, I snapped my fingers. That's why everyone started spilling secrets."

"Why didn't you stop it?"

"Because I can't. One of the flaws of my ability is that I can only make them tell the truth. I can't reverse it or make it stop. It wears off on its own."

That made me feel even worse.

I felt sick to my stomach.

"So what River said was true...."

"Well.... For some reason its never worked on River. He's the only one that it doesn't affect."

I paused for a moment... Then finally broke.

"He's such a jerk now." I said through the tears.

"He's always been that way Cassidy."

"No he hasn't."

"Yes, he has. You were just too in love to see it. Since the day he learned how to talk, River has never restrained from saying anything that was on his mind. And he sometimes tends to say really hurtful things without meaning to. I guarantee you he's said things to some of the others in the house that genuinely hurt them too but as I said, you were just too in love with him to see it because he's never said anything like that to you until now."

"It sucks because every word he said stung like hell. And because a part of me feels as if he was telling the truth."

"That wasn't him Cassidy. I don't know who that was but it most definitely was not my brother."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because he's been acting strange these past few months. And this is the first time he's snapped like this in over a year." Said Raes as he came outside and sat in the chair on the other side of me. "Sehrem and I can't figure out what's wrong. He won't let us in. And what happened tonight was a result of whatever it is."

"How do you two know this?"

"Because we know our brother better than he knows himself." Sehrem answered. "Something's wrong with him. Everything he said to you tonight wasn't out of anger. It was out of pure emotion. He was on the verge of breaking down. I've never seen him that emotional. While he was saying all of that to you I could tell that it hurt him to say it. But he felt as though he had to. He's afraid. He's so afraid of something and we can't figure it out. And whatever it is, it almost made him have a full on meltdown tonight. But one thing is for sure, my brother loves you more than you could ever imagine. He'd lay down his life for you if he had to. Not Candice. And everything he said to you was far from true. He's protecting you from something and he wants you to think that he doesn't love you because he feels as if that's the only way he can protect you. He sounded convincing but truth is, if something were to ever happen to you, he'd never be the same."