The Triangle

Chapter 105 • Understand

❥Warning:
Includes strong language.

-Y/N's POV-
I explained everything to Tommy, since he was right, I really didn't have any good friends left. Of course, I had Niki, Darryl and Jack, but it wasn't the same as my boys.

My long explanation left the blonde child speechless for a minute, then he spoke up.

TOMMY:
"Well you're a dumbass." The Brit spoke.

Y/N:
"Why does everyone have to call me that...??"

TOMMY:
"Because you are one."

Y/N:
"I did it for them—" I snapped, "I'd rather them get mad at me than at each other...we all had to lose in order for them to keep each other..."

TOMMY:
"Y/N, if they lose each other over a girl, it's their fault, not yours. They can choose to be immature about a choice that was not their own. You can't control that." He folded his arms, "From what I see, you acted on a decision that you didn't think through well."

I sighed while setting my head down.

Y/N:
"No one understands me..." I whispered, "Why can't just one person understand me...?"

TOMMY:
"Explain it better if you want me to understand you." He shrugged.

I swallowed hard while lifting my head up.

Y/N:
"Imagine the perfect person you could think of...imagine their eyes being the most beautiful thing you've ever seen...imagine how fluffy their hair is...imagine how it falls perfectly against their temple in the cutest way...imagine their laughter being your medicine...imagine they hold the door open for you, imagine they hold you when you cry..." I bit my lip, "Imagine their arms being your safe place...imagine loving them so much and them loving you back exactly the same amount..."

Tommy's eyes fell to the table.

Y/N:
"Imagine you have 3 people who treat you like that...imagine you have 3 people who you've grown up with your whole entire life...where you've spent every single moment together...imagine them loving you even when you didn't love yourself...imagine falling more in love with each of them every single day for 12 years..."

He was silent.

Y/N:
"Imagine knowing that one day...you'll have to leave everyone behind..." I felt the tears warming up, "Imagine hurting 2 of them...just so you and the third can benefit from it...imagine seeing the 2 of them crying because they didn't feel good enough...imagine being the cause of their pain...when all you've ever wanted was for them to be happy..."

Tommy stared at me with an unreadable expression. I released a shaky breath out.

Y/N:
"Have you ever heard that one quote...? You know, the one that says...'it's 3am on a weekend...the kids are asleep...the chores are done...and what's left is you and your love dancing together in the kitchen...' at the end, it says... 'who are you dancing with?'...and the thing is Tommy...I see myself dancing with all of them..."

His eyes fell to his shoes.

Y/N:
"After imagining all of that...how can everyone sit there and tell me that it's so simple to choose...it's so easy to be me, huh...? No one understands what it's like...no one understands the pressure I'm under...they're so quick to judge me...when they don't know a damn thing about me...when they don't know a damn thing about what it's like to hold all of these hearts in your hand without making at least one of them fall to the ground and break..."

I looked Tommy dead in the eyes.

Y/N:
"So tell me Tommy...tell me how much of a dumbass I am for letting them go...because I didn't know what else to do..." I whispered as the tears filled my eyes fully.