March 5, 2011
Last night, after the boys played a show at a nightclub, we all received news that two major papers would be putting out articles in the morning about Dougie being in the Priory. Nobody knew how they gained the information, but the boys decided to put out tweets addressing the situation. They didn't want the fans to find out about Dougie through anyone but themselves. The only problem was, Dougie didn't know about any of this.
We were going to tell him, but Fletch told us not to. He said we'll tell Dougie later. Right now, the only thing he should think about is recovering.
Because the boys had to be out by seven to do radio interviews today, we all stayed at Tom and Gi's so there was no chance of anyone being late (Danny).
Sleeping was not getting any easier for me, even at Tom and Gi's. I thought maybe the change in atmosphere would help, but it didn't. I even tried sleeping pills, but none of them worked either. I either wouldn't sleep at all, or only sleep a few hours, only to be woken up by nightmares.
Harry was in the shower when Tom walked in the front door. He had headed out early this morning to pick up the papers that allegedly had stories on Dougie.
"Well?" Danny asks, as we see Tom walk in. He nods, setting the papers on the counter. The story was the headline.
McFly Dougie in the Priory: Agony of Frankie Split
I shook my head, picking up the paper.
"They think this is because of Frankie?" I ask. Tom shrugs. "We can't let them say that! It's not true!"
"We're not going to correct them, Lilly." He says.
"Why?"
"Because. We put our statement out there. We're not giving away anymore information. It's Dougie's story to tell. If he wants to correct them, then he can, and we'll support him."
"But it's not the truth." I state.
"I know that. Dougie knows that. We all know that."
"So-"
"We're not getting into this." He says. "We believe it's true. Belief is everything. It doesn't matter what they say."
But to me, it did.
Tom leaves Danny and I with the papers, walking upstairs. I wonder how Danny feels. I look to him, and he sighs, looking at me.
"I reckon he'll freak out about this, so I don't think we should tell him just yet." He says, calmly. If there was anything I admired about Danny, it was how he was somehow keeping his cool the best of all of us through this situation. "That'll just take him a step back from where he is now." I nod my head, but it must be quite clear I'm worried. "Hey." Danny says, putting a hand on my shoulder. I look up at him. "It's out there now and...everything's meant to be." I smile a bit, as he nods and leaves the room.
******************
When Harry finishes showering, I make my way into the bathroom. I'm too tired after the lack of sleep and the story on Dougie to even think about standing, so I decide to take a bath.
When I get into the hot water, I instantly feel better. Maybe Danny was right. Maybe it is all meant to be.
I sink lower into the tub and close my eyes. I know I won't fall asleep, but maybe I can trick my body into thinking I'm sleeping if I close my eyes.
But before I know it, I'm being jolted out of the water, and someone's holding me firmly by my shoulders. I feel like I just was at the beach in Australia surfing again, and swallowed a bunch of water, so I start coughing.
"Are you crazy?" I hear someone yell before I can open my eyes. Harry. "What are you doing?"
"What?" I cough.
"You fell asleep in the tub! Where you trying to drown?" He yells.
"I-"
"Get yourself together, we're going to be late!" He yells before slamming the door shut. I realize the water is cold now and I quickly get out and get dressed.
I probably should be more concerned about the fact that I almost just drowned, or even the fact that Harry just probably saw me naked, but I can't help but wish he hadn't woken me up.
***********************
The boys, Fletch and I were waiting in a little room just outside the radio station, and everyone was pretty quiet, knowing that this was going to be one of the hardest interviews the boys have ever done.
"I think it'd be weird not to reference it." Tom speaks quietly, breaking the silence. "I think they'll definitely ask us about it anyway." He chuckles nervously. "Be a bit weird if we just didn't acknowledge it."
"If anyone accuses us of doing this because our single's out tomorrow I will literally rip their head off." Harry chimes in.
"Harry, calm down. We haven't even walked in yet." I say, knowing he's not over exaggerating.
And Tom was right, they do acknowledge it. How could they not?
"Right," The interviewer begins, "On the show I promised them, here they are, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome McFly to the studio!" The boys cheer a bit, although it's a bit unenthusiastic, which could be a result of the nerves or just the fact that it was so early. "How ya doin'?"
"Good, how are you?" Danny replies.
"I'm very well, very well. We've got Danny here, we've got Tom and Harry and, boys, where's Dougie? You're missing one." The interviewer asks.
I'm starting to really hate radio hosts.
"I'm right here!" Tom says, in a high pitched voice, making everyone laugh. "Uh yeah. Dougie obviously isn't here." He backtracks. "Um...if you've uh...read the papers you'll know where he is. He's...um...he's just been having a bit of a tough time and he's...uh...in rehab having a few weeks rest at the minute." Tom sounds just as awkward as we all feel, but I give him a lot of credit.
"Okay." The interviewer adds, sympathetically.
"But he'll be okay." Tom continues. "He'll be back, getting himself ready for the tour."
*******************
By the end of the interviews, I felt like a zombie, but it was Saturday and I was going to visit Dougie.
Dougie was doing a lot better. He talked to Matt Willis all the time and his outlook on life after getting out of the priory was positive. I just wished I felt the same way.
It's not that I didn't want Dougie to get better, and I believed he was getting better, but when he was in here, he was safe.
When I walked into his room, I felt like I was going to collapse.
"Hey Lil." He smiled, sitting on his bed.
"Hey." I said, putting my coat on the chair and collapsing onto of it.
"You...okay?" He asks. I nod, putting my elbows on my knees and rubbing my face with my hands. "You tired?" I nod. Too tired to lie, anyways. But then, he did something I didn't expect. He opened his arms like he was going to hug me. "Come here."
I didn't even have a mind to refuse. I walked over, practically fell into his arms, and he pulled me backwards so that we were both lying on the bed, with my head on his chest and his arms around me.
"Don't you want to spend our time together talking, or something?" I ask, feeling guilty. Dougie shrugs.
"I don't mind." He says, like it's not big deal. "As long as you're here." I sit my head on his chest so that I look up at him. His hair is pushed off his forehead and he has a little bit of a beard growing. He looked better. Healthy. He didn't look as skinny and the bags under his eyes had become far less severe. His eyes were closed and his blonde lashes almost hit his bottom lid. He opened one eye, like he was peeking down at me, and then the other when he sees my eyes aren't closed. "That's the part where you close your eyes." He mocks, smiling.
But I just kept looking at him. I didn't want to close my eyes. I hadn't been there for him the first time he needed me, and I didn't want to not be there if he needed me again.
His smile slowly turns to a bit of concern as he notices my expression, and how my eyes are still open. He brushes some hair off the side of my face and then rests his hand on the side of my head.
"Close your eyes." He says quietly. He's confused why I won't.
So I do, to make him happy, and I bury my head further into his chest.
"Promise me you'll be here when I wake up." I say. He laughs a little.
"Always."
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