Dean
"Oh lord. Oh dear lord. Protect my granddaughter. Protect my family. Dear lord I'm begging you." her grandma said when she helped me to pick up Sun from the ground.
She could barely move. She could barely breathe. I already guessed what happened and if it actually happened than I was going to lose my mind but for now I needed to do anything to help her.
She wasn't bleeding. No injuries. Nothing. Luckily. When I heard the shot, my heart stopped for a second and when she screamed my soul actually left my body because I thought that she got shot. I can't explain what went through my head in that moment.
I've never felt like this before. The thought of losing her almost killed me too.
We helped her to sit back down. She was shaking.. not able to talk. She wasn't able to breathe right and I was afraid that it would kill her.
What I couldn't understand was; what happened to her? Why was she acting like she got shot when nothing happened to her? The possibility that she was playing was zero.
I sat down across from her like earlier, while her grandma got her a glass of water and a wet towel.
"Look at me.. only at me. Not at the ground." I said. I was afraid that she was going to faint and I knew she tried her best but she was shaking way too much and breathing way too fast. "Baby, look at me. Sun.." I added and even tho it took her a while she finally managed to look at me.
She seemed paralyzed and lost.. not exactly but I just couldn't find the right words.. she looked like she was dying. She was shaking but losing a bit of her energy with every second. I wasn't sure if I should feel relieved or be afraid.
I knew she wouldn't be able to explain or talk if I was going to ask her something so I didn't ask her anything. I didn't want to stress her with any questions. It was just scaring me. I didn't know what to do.
Her grandma came back and gave me the glass of water while she started to wet and cool her face with the towel. I helped her to drink a little bit but she didn't even want more than a tiny, tiny sip.
I furrowed my eyebrows. I was about to go crazy. Seeing her like this was ripping me apart, especially because I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how I could help her when she wasn't injured and she couldn't tell me what was wrong.
I interlocked her hand with mine. Her hand was resting in mine when she just leaned back and let her head fall back.
My heart jumped to the galaxy and back because I thought she fainted but she squeezed my hand and put her other hand on her chest, starting to breathe like she couldn't breathe at all.. like she was trying so hard to get air into her lungs. She leaned back in and stopped breathing. I let her hand go and stood up. My heart was about to stop because seeing her like this felt like being punched into my stomach and my face at the same time and I regretted these past two-three days that I've wasted. My heart was bleeding but I needed to be strong for her and concentrate, although I was asking myself which one of them was laying outside there..
"It won't work like this." I said and picked her up to carry her on both of my arms because something inside me died with every second that passed. I got nervous and all I wanted was to take her to the hospital and take care of her but I knew what was happening out there..
"Be careful.." I heard her grandma say totally worried while she followed us. I thought that woman was going to get a heart attack.
I carried her to the living room and sat her down on the couch so I could sit closer to her. Luckily she stopped shaking but she kept breathing and crying in a way that made me wanna cry too.
"Where is it hurting?" I asked paying attention to every move of hers while her grandma sat down across from us.
She pointed at her chest and said "I can't.. I can't breathe.. it hurts.." like she ran a marathon or ended up in the galaxy without any air. I was scared she would turn blue.
"Your lungs? Or your heart?" I asked and I wished I didn't because in that moment I guessed she had a cramp because she started to scream. She let herself fall towards me and leaned her head against my chest, still screaming.
My heart was bleeding. I wrapped my arms around her but I was afraid that it would bother her because she was in pain.
"Does she have any medication?" her grandma asked. She was almost crying. Her hands were shaking but she was trying her best to be there for us.
I shook my head and held on Sun as tightly as I could. I was all over the place. I was thinking about so many things.. and praying that nothing happened to any of them...
After a while of trying to catch her breath and crying she passed out. It was something between fainting and sleeping but I knew she needed that.. at least she wasn't in pain anymore or at least she didn't have to feel it anymore. She needed rest.
I took a deep breath and didn't move an inch, hoping it would be over, at least for now. Everything happened so fast.. it was so overwhelming.. it was heartbreaking. Tragic..
I held her in my arms and kept praying that she would be alright and that they would be alright too.
Y/n
I was running towards the operating room with the doctors, trying to hold my tears back while looking down at him and how he was laying there shirtless, blood all over his chest and the sheets. Just like my hands because I tried to stop his bleedings earlier before the boys arrived and drove us to their special hospital. I wanted to take him to the nearest hospital but we couldn't because of all this gang shit that I didn't even care about anymore..
My heart wasn't beating and it wasn't going to beat until he was going to be fine. I wanted him to be fine. I wanted him to survive and live. I wanted him to stand up. I wanted him to open his eyes. I wanted him to breathe.
I had to let him go because I wasn't allowed to enter the operating room and as soon as the doors closed and I was standing in front of them, totally frozen, I noticed how much it was hurting.. and how cold it was..
How the walls got closer and how I couldn't breathe.. how reality kicked in and I felt tiny on this huge world. How weak my knees got and I could barely move. Standing felt like an extreme sport. I felt my heart all over my body and my blood bumping so strong that I thought I was going to explode.
I heard footsteps.. the boys were standing behind me. I could see them in the reflection of the glass door in front or me.
I slowly turned around and saw how they all, including Moon, were standing there.
They were looking sad.. shocked.. afraid.. destroyed.. just like me..
Josh took a few steps towards me and everything started over again inside my head.
The first night in which I met Ethan.. the first time I saw him.. the first time I heard his voice.. the first time he touched me..
When he saved me.
I started breathing faster and heavier.. my vision was getting darker and I lost the ground beneath my feet.
How I fell in love with him... how he loved me.. how he took care of me.. how he protected me.. how he was there for me. How happy he got when I got pregnant, how how he looked at our children, how he did everything so I would feel comfortable, how he did everything to protect our family, how he always comforted me, even until now.
I started hyperventilating and when everything started spinning I screamed. I was in pain. I just realized what actually happened.
My husband got shot. Right into his chest. The only person who I loved so much.. The only person who I was going to love forever.. who was so special to me.. got shot and I was about to lose him. He was in there, barely breathing and there was nothing I could do about that... I screamed again.
He was my whole existence. I was here because of him. Our relationship wasn't normal. It has never been.
Josh rushed towards me and held me in his arms. I rightly held onto. Moon walked towards me too but then he stopped.
The blood on his hands destroyed me more than the whole thing..
"He'll be fine.." Josh said stroking my back but I was breathing way too fast and tears were running down my cheeks so fast that I couldn't catch them.
He couldn't say it that easily, like it wouldn't be something serious.
'He'll be fine..'
"Josh.. if he dies.. I'll die too.." I said with a shaking voice and shaking hands and looked at him. He pressured his lips and I could see the tears in his eyes. I didn't want to imagine how I was looking and how he was feeling.. how the others were feeling. I wasn't the only one who was in pain
Ethan was everything. He was the only one who held us together. He was our strength. He wasn't only a husband. He was a dad, best friend, brother, leader and supporter.
"I swear to god I'm going to kill myself... if he won't make it." I raised my voice and he shook his head. "Don't say that.. don't say that.. nothing will happen to him." he said backing off. He was panicking.
I knew how he was feeling but I couldn't be strong. I needed to but I couldn't be. Not, even if Moon was standing there and even if it was hurting him. I couldn't control it.
"I can't live without him.. I can't live without him.." I kept repeating myself, running my hands through my hair several times and holding onto my head.
I couldn't imagine what would happen if he would leave me alone on this planet. If he would leave me alone with the kids. I didn't want to know what was going to happen if I would lose him.. what the kids would do.. I was loosing my mind..
"Mom.." I heard Moon's shaking voice which was at least as raw as mine. I turned to him and then back to Josh, realizing what mattered and what not. Realizing that so much more than me would fall apart.
I started breathing faster and faster. "Calm down.. please calm down.." Josh said taking a step towards me again but I screamed, totally hysterically, in pain because this feeling in my chest was getting heavier and heavier.. worse with every second.. anxiety was growing and pain was getting more intense.
He grabbed my arms but I tried to shake him off and free myself. His grip was too tight.
"HE GOT SHOT IN HIS CHEST! HE GOT SHOT IN FRONT OF THE EYES OF MY SON! I SWEAR I'M GOING TO RUIN WHOEVER PULLED THE TRIGGER!" I screamed, still trying to free myself aggressively.
"HE CAN'T LEAVE LIKE THIS, HE CAN'T LEAVE US ALONE, HE CAN'T DO THIS!" I continued and Josh screamed "HE WON'T!" trying to keep me in place.
"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE ANY OF YOU IF HE DIES! YOU ALL, HIM AND THIS GANG SHIT!" my throat started burning but I didn't mind. Josh wrapped his arms around me while I was going crazy.
"LET ME GO!" I screamed and heard Moon's voice again.. "Mom, please.." but I couldn't control myself because I was losing my mind. Seeing me like this was making it worse for him and it wasn't fair...
The fact that Ethan was in this situation.. that there was the possibility that he could leave, that I wouldn't have the chance again to tell him how much I love him destroyed me.
"Let's get some fresh air buddy.." James said and gently grabbed Moon's arm to lead him outside so he wouldn't have to see this all but he didn't want to.
"Mom, don't. Please don't say that.." he said raising his voice and walking towards me because he was about to have a mental breakdown too. Tears rolled down his eyes when he walked towards me. He looked like a little child.. it hurt.. so much.. everything hurt..
James and Caleb grabbed both of his arms and did their best to pull him outside but he kept screaming.
"MOM! NO PLEASE I NEED YOU BOTH!" until they finally got him out..
I was sorry and my heart was bleeding because he had to see me like that and hear what I said but when it came to Ethan I was ready to risk it all.
I finally got to free myself from Josh and looked at him like he would be my enemy. I couldn't control it. There was nothing I could do about the pain in my chest that needed to get out. I couldn't change what I felt.
I tried to catch my breath. So did he.
"You know how much he matters to me.." I said loudly and he softly nodded after a few seconds of thinking about it. "You know how much I love him.." I raised my voice even more and he nodded again. "You know that I will never.. NEVER be able to live again if he leaves this planet. ESPECIALLY LIKE THIS!.." I screamed and swallowed.
Josh
I've known y/n for almost twenty years now and it was the first time that I saw her like this.
Her eyes were red. If I wouldn't have known it better, I would've believed that she cried blood. Her hair was messy, just like her clothes and she was shaking. She was out of herself. She was losing her mind and there was nothing we couldn't do about it because it wasn't in our hands. She was saying things that she meant but still would regret saying later.
Usually she was strong but I knew how much she loved him. I knew that she loved him more than she loved anybody else and that he was her weakness. She was always living with the risk that something was going to happen to him and it finally happened.. I could understand her.
"GOD, I ALREADY FEEL LIKE DYING! HE CAN'T DO THIS!" she screamed with tears all over her face. "Calm down!" I said nervously. I was also shaking and irritated. "NO! HE'S IN THERE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO!" she screamed, pointing at the glass door. Her frustration was real.
She was killing herself like this. There was nothing she could do. There was nothing any of us could do..
"MY HEART IS BLEEDING RIGHT NOW! I AM SCARED! MOON COULD'VE GOTTEN SHOT INSTEAD OF HIM! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD'VE DONE THEN?!" she screamed even louder. She reminded me so much of him.. it was crazy.
"Do you you know what I feel? HE'S MY BROTHER, GOD DAMN! I'M BLEEDING TOO!" I screamed back, losing myself and trying to hold my tears back. I needed to be strong. I couldn't lose it now.
I could see her lower lip shaking. She was looking at me like a sad puppy. At least she was calm. She was still shaking but she wasn't breathing so fast anymore or trying to break something. She just stood there and listened.
I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair. I needed to calm down as well. It wasn't the first time that we were dealing with something like this.
"We should be thankful that nothing happened to Moon and pray that Ethan will be okay." I continued with a lowered voice.
She bursted out in tears but this time she wasn't screaming. I could see that she wasn't furious anymore. She was only hurt, anxious, tired and weak...
"Josh I don't know what to do.. I don't want to lose him. He is everything. I need him, the kids need him. If I lose him I'll lose everything. I can't live without him. I don't know how to handle this all.." she said and looked at the ceiling with her wet eyes and took a deep breath.
I could see how confused and irritated she was.. how she was done with the world and everything else. I could understand her mood swings..
I hugged her tightly and said "You're not going to lose him. We're not going to lose him.. he will get out stronger than ever like he's always done. You don't lose anything. You're not alone." I said and she cried her eyes out into my chest..
James
Moon was losing his mind. Punching the car, screaming and crying. It was raining but we didn't care, it was his rain.
We all were hurt. What happened all of sudden? We just left and not even five minutes passed when Sam called us. We couldn't believe our ears and eyes when we saw him.. my heart stopped. I thought we lost a whole empire. I thought we lost him but I knew he was going to fight for his life.. for his family.. for everything that he had.
"It is my fault, IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT!" Moon screamed and I could see the veins popping out on his neck and arms.
I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head. He held onto his head like he was losing his mind. "I wanted to warn him but he jumped in front of me, I swear I didn't want him to protect me, I swear I wish they would've shot me!" he said, begging us with his eyes to believe him. I got goosebumps..
My heart was bleeding at how this boy was giving himself the fault..
"You need to believe me! And I don't want mom to kill herself and leave me alone! Leave me and Sun alone! What are we going to do if we lose them?" he was speaking very fast.. he was having a panic attack... I've never been this sad.
I've known him since he came to this world.. and I saw him like this for the first time.. so scared and helpless. I could see the nine year old boy in front of me. He was so hurt and so anxious. I walked towards him and grabbed his shoulders. I looked straight into his eyes.
"You have done nothing wrong. Don't you know your dad? He would always protect you. Your mom is not going to kill yourself and your dad is not going to die. Do you understand me? She's saying these things because she's anxious. They both would never leave you alone." I was serious.
We were all fucked. Ethan wasn't only our leader, he was our brother. Of course I was scared too that something would happened to him and I wanted to chase these thoughts away immediately because I wanted to believe that he was going to be fine..
We needed to be strong for him. For the whole family. We were a big family. No one was going to be left alone.
His lower lip was shaking and he was looking at me like a sad puppy.. he bursted out in tears and I knew that no matter what I was going to say he was going to keep judging himself and keep thinking what he wanted.
I pressured my lips and tried my best to hold my tears back. I pulled him closer and hugged him tightly to let him know that it was okay and that everything was going to get better.
"You're not alone. We're family.." I said and he cried his eyes out on my shoulder..
Ethan
They say you dream something when you're in a coma and either you wake up or you don't.
***
We both leaned onto the back of my car and watched the sunset... I looked at her and she was so small next to me.. so I picked her up and helped her to sit on it so she couldn't be so small anymore.. She smiled and it was a very cute smile. She looked at the sun and I looked at her.
"I love the sun.." she said. "And I love the moon.." I said.
She smiled. "You're just like the moon. I'll call you moon."
I raised a brow with a smile.
"You show your beauty only at night.. even if you never leave the suns side in the morning..."
She was amazing.. every word that came out of her mouth so softly..
"And you're like the sun.. that means I have to call you sun. You're shining and without you there wouldn't be a moon. There wouldn't be a day. There wouldn't be life."
Her eyes were sparkling after what I said and that was one thing I loved about her... yes... loved.
"Tell me the story about how the moon loved the sun so much, he died every night to let her breath." I said and she jumped off the car and looked up at me. "The sun never wanted the moon to die for her.." She said looking straight into my eyes.. she hugged me very tightly and I hugged her back stroking her had.
Dean
When she woke up and was totally exhausted and worn out l carried her up to her room, on my arms again, after I asked her if she would like to take a warm bath and she said she didn't want to.
The darkness under her eyes and how lost she was looking only showed that this all destroyed her more than we thought.
She needed to rest more and sleep so I let her down on her bed and made sure she would be able to sit. After that I went to her closet and got some comfortable shorts and a shirt of her's and walked back to her.
I slid my hands under her sweater and slowly pulled it up. Her body was warm. I leaned my lips against her forehead.. no fever.
I slowly pulled the sweater off her body, carefully, making sure she wouldn't get hurt or be overwhelmed.
Although her body was a huge distraction I needed to suppress these thoughts that were leading my body to completely different emotions.
I helped her to get dressed and finally lay back. I made sure the pillows would be soft enough to catch and hug her so she would feel comfortable and forget the pain.
Before I wanted to ask her if she needed anything because I was going to get another cozy blanket for her she said "I can feel his pain.." and her voice was so raw and so thin.. it almost got lost in the room.
My jaw dropped. I closed my eyes so fast, as if an arrow hit me. How did I forget that? Her dad felt mostly everything that she felt and it was the same with her.. the fact that she literally felt like she got shot made me crazy. Good, it was cute and beautiful and that they had this thing, I mean it was magic but it also had its bad sides.
I ran my hand over my face and took a step towards her to sit down next to her.
I held her hand when she turned to her right and looked at me. I held her hand and didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if there was anything to say so I let her continue.
"I can feel the weight right here.." she whispered, pointing next to her heart. My heart was breaking.. she swallowed and took a deep shaking breath. A tear rolled down her cheek and I was overwhelmed again because so many things happened so quickly that my brain stopped working for a second.
First she was screaming loudly in pain, crying and shaking like she would die and now she was crying softly in silence, totally unstable. I didn't know what to feel.
"He needs to make it.." she whispered closing her eyes and furrowing her eyebrows in sadness, allowing tears to roll down her cheek.
I put my hand on her cheek and wiped the tears away with my thumb.
"Of course he'll make it.. you know how strong he is.. you need to be strong for him too. If you feel what he feels and he feels what you feel.. you can heal him.." I whispered back, stroking her cheek. She put her hand on mine..
It was so quiet, she was so soft and hurt.. I was afraid that I could hurt her with ant move so I slowly laid down next to her and held her in my arms until she stopped crying and her heartbeat slowed down.
Sun
Dean was right. He was very right. He knew exactly what to say and how to comfort me.. his touch was enough to make me worry less but as well as I knew dad, myself and these feelings.. the future didn't seem really bright..
Y/n
After waiting for more than five hours, sitting on the ground of the hallway and Josh walking back and forth I almost lost my mind. Why was it taking so long?
Too many thoughts were running through my head. I was feeling way too much and even tho I was trying, I couldn't hold my tears back. They were just rolling silently, without any action of mine.
I felt like I couldn't breathe and the walls were getting closer. I needed more air but I was going to wait there until somebody was going to come and tell us what was going on and how he was doing.
James and Caleb brought Moon back home. I didn't want him to wait here and think of awful things. It would've only been the cherry on top with my miserable freak out in front of him which I hated myself for.
When the glass doors opened and the doc stepped out I stood up so fast that my vision got darker and I almost fell again but I held onto Josh and ignored my high blood pressure.
"How is he? He'll be fine, right? Won't he? How long does it take?" I asked fast with shaking hands while he took off his gloves.
"We.. we're trying to get the bullets out but.. they are really close to his heart.. it's difficult. We're trying our best but it could be life threatening to make big, serious moves in that area. It's not in our hands. It takes precision. My colleague will keep going and in the third session I will take over again, if still necessary." he explained detailed.
I looked at him, not believing any of his words. A tear rolled down my cheek automatically. "What does that mean?" I asked almost whispering, totally shocked trying to not give it away and hoping for the best.
What did he want to say with 'if still necessary..'?
If he would die by then? If he would make it and there would be no need for another session? There was hope, I was going to lose it.
I was looking straight into his eyes and he was looking away.. He pressures his lips and took a deep breath. He shook his head like he wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. I assumed the worse.. and it became reality..
"That means.. keep praying. May god be with you all."
...