Sun
We went to school together in the next morning. I could already imagine to live with him. I've always imagined that because we were never spending time apart as long as we didn't have to and it already felt like we were living together.. it was totally normal for us but I wanted more than that. I loved it and I wanted to wake up next to him every morning..
I didn't turn my phone on until the second period because I didn't feel the need to but then I needed to look something up for history and got spammed with all the messages that Jason sent me last night.
I saw all the missed calls and I really wanted to throw up. I wasn't sure for how long I could hide it. But I already had enough of it.
And then he called.. he called in that ducking moment. I answered it immediately, after looking around and being sure that I was alone in class.
"Please don't call me. Leave me alone. I can't talk to you! Not about this!" I said as fast as I could. I held my breath. That's what I've been doing since that night...
"I know.. you're probably mad and it's making you uncomfortable.. but you need to know that I can't stop thinking about you. Sun, I love you and I can't stop thinking about you. I don't rush you or anything but now that you know it.. I can't stay away from you and my fucking head just won't stop.." he said and with every painful word of his my eyes started burning more and I felt the urge to cry.. I did cry. Tears rolled down my cheek, although I didn't want them to. I didn't want to cry because of him. I couldn't control it.
"Stop saying that! Stop saying that you love me! I only love Dean! Stop!" I said, wanting to scream but only whispering.
Why did he have to be a psychopath, why did he have to make me feel like this, why did he have to ruin everything? Why now?
"Okay... Okay I know you're overwhelmed but please give me a chance to explain myself! This all sounds so wrong! You know me! Trust me!" he said and I was close to explode. I clenched my jaw. "No I don't! I don't know you! I thought I would know you! You've always had bad intentions! Dad is going to kill you if he finds out about this!" I was so angry that I wanted to go and punch him..
"Don't you dare to threaten me with him! Don't push me to the edge! I've been here before Dean and I showed you how much I love you so many times but you couldn't see it.. I don't want to be mean to you.. I could never hurt you so don't make me do things that I don't want to do." he said and my heart stopped for a second.
He was serious.. he wasn't hesitating. He was getting dangerous.. He got angry. I could hear it in his voice.. but then he got soft again.
I started sobbing quietly but he heard it.
"Please don't cry.. I wish I could be with you and hug you now.. I don't want to make you cry. I only want to love you. That's all." he said and his voice sounded really soft, filled with guilt.
I couldn't hear it anymore.. I didn't want to hear how he said "love".
I prayed to got that this was a test. I really wanted to believe that they were testing me to see what I was going to do in a situation like this.. but it didn't seem like that.
"Look I.. think about it.. I won't confuse you. Tell me what you think of or feel when we come for the mission.." he said and he sounded sad. I swallowed and it felt really really heavy.
I couldn't scream at him or tell him to stop because I knew how stubborn he was.. he wasn't going to stop, no matter what I was going to do.. I just nodded although he couldn't see it. "Okay.." I said and tried to stop crying. I wiped my tears away.
Before he hung up he said "I love you." again and that hurt me so much.. I was betraying Dean with every second that I kept my mouth shut. I felt like shit.
I was going to tell him everything. As soon as their mission was over, I was going to tell him every single detail. It was his first mission with my dad and it meant a lot to him.. I wanted him to concentrate on it instead of me...
Moon
I went to the library instead of downstairs to eat lunch because I was bored and not really hungry.. or I wasn't bored.. maybe I had other reasons. I wasn't sure. I just wanted to be alone. I just felt like walking around because I didn't want to hang out with anybody who was fake and since everybody was fake, I had no other choice.
I looked around for an interesting book that I could read for ten minutes and act like I would be amazed by it and want to keep reading it but I didn't find anything that woke my interest or made me even act interested.
Until I saw her.. Luna..
She was sitting around one of the round tables, all alone, writing into one of her notebooks with a few books in front of her..
Before I walked towards her I grabbed a random book so it wouldn't seem awkward or seem like I only came to find and see her. That wasn't true. It really wasn't true but I wanted to talk to her and get to know her a little bit more.
"Hey." I said and she turned around like I scared her again. Why was I scaring this girl all the time? She's obviously been concentrating on whatever she was doing and didn't even notice that I came towards her. "Hey. You scared me." she said, looking up at me. She seemed relieved because it was me and not somebody else.
"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to." I said and she smiled and closed her notebook. "It's fine." she said and I sat down next to her. She still seemed very shy.. and maybe a little nervous. I didn't want to make people feel nervous around me. There was no need to. Well, at least only the bad people.
It seemed like she was a very organized and neat person. The little sticky notes, the colorful pencils and books that looked very aesthetically pleasing.. made this whole imagine a little more perfect.
"Did anybody bother you since yesterday?" I asked and she shook her head. She seemed pleased about it.. and comfortable..
"Not really.. people are mostly only staring at me and probably talking behind my back. But nobody talked to me yet." she said, shrugging softly like she would be sad about it...
"Is that good or not?" I asked, raising a brow and she looked into my eyes. "It's definitely better than being bullied." she answered and smiled. Her smile was really.. really.. adorable.
"It must have something to do with you. Seems like what you say has a huge value here.." she said, barely looking at me. She was probably trying to figure out if I was going to harm her or not.. if I was one of the bad guys or not..
I smiled. "Yeah. Kinda." I said and just looked at her until she looked at the book that I still had in my hand.
"What are you reading?" she asked curiously but still cautious. I opened my mouth to say something but I didn't even know what book that was so I turned it around.
"Uh.." I began and looked at the cover. "'One hundred ways to raise your children right'. What the fuck?" I said reading the cover out loud and looked at her eyes wide open.
She looked at me eyes wide open too. "Why do we have something like this in our library?" I asked, totally shocked and confused. Well that's what happens when you pick a book without even taking a look at it.
She looked like she was going to burst out in laughter. She did burst out in laughter when I said "I swear I don't have children!" totally panicking.
I felt so stupid but I had to laugh too while putting the one hundred ways to raise your children right on the table and running my hands through my hair.
She looked at me, still smiling. "Good, forget about this. What are you doing?" I asked pointing at the books in front of her with my chin. She sighed and leaned back.
"Studying for some coming exams.. there's a lot I need to catch up with.. and I don't understand anything!" she said and let her head fall back. I leaned in and asked "What subject?"
She looked totally desperate when she answered. "Physics.", I saw the disguise in her face and heard it in her voice. I smiled and said "That's easy. I can help you."
She looked at me eyes wide open and I saw the hope in her eyes. "Are you serious?" she asked like she was afraid that I was joking. As if she really needed this help. She didn't seem like she would believe that I would really help her or be good in physics but I was, so I nodded, totally confident about it.
"Show me." I said and she smiled again, opening the book and showing me what she needed help with.
Sun
Chloe and I wanted to go outside but it was too cold so we decided to stay inside and walk around a little bit until Dean came around the corner and kissed me out of nowhere.
He was in a good mood. Chloe laughed and said she would wait for me in class. I really appreciated her and was so thankful that she was always understanding me.
I looked at him and tried to smile. He leaned against the wall behind him slid his hands into his pockets, looking at me like he could read my mind.. like all the time..
His smile faded a little bit but he kept looking at me. He knew exactly what I felt. He knew exactly what was going through my mind. We were talking without using words.
"You cried." he said after a little silence and after many students passed us I sighed. "How do you always know that? Like seriously this is unfair. You always know everything. You know if I cried or not, even if it was three hours ago, you know if I'm sad or worried, you always know what's going on with me. You always know what I feel." I said and he smiled.
He pushed himself off the wall and came closer. He held my face in his hands and looked deep into my eyes.
"Baby.. I studied you.. I know everything about you. Everything. I studied every inch of you.. You know that." he said and his soft voice made me feel comfortable.. his hands were soft and warm... I put my hands on his. "I know.." I said and felt like crying but I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to do that and show him how bad I actually felt, although he already knew it.
"It's nothing important." I said and he gave me that look that he always gave me whenever I tried to hide something of him. "It's really nothing important. Only because of a stupid grade that I got in history." I lied and he furrowed his eyebrows.
"Don't ever cry because of something like that. We can fix that." he said, totally seriously like he would be pissed about it. I nodded. "I won't." I said and he kissed my forehead and hugged me tightly.
I've never felt that bad. I never lied to him like that. How could I have done that? He believed me because he trusted me. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve anything.
He was so going to be mad at me or even hate me as soon as he was going to find out about the whole thing... I hated myself and I hated Jason for what he's done with me..
Moon
We spent the whole lunch break and even the period after that with studying. She was really smart. For a second I was scared that she was even smarter than me. She was learning so fast and listening without interrupting me until I finished my sentence. I also didn't think that I would be so smart like damn, I was dangerously smart.
We weren't don't yet but we were really exhausted so we decided to stop. It was enough for the day. We didn't even take a break and I could already feel the pain in both of our heads.
I leaned back and so did she. I looked at her. "Are you hungry?" I asked, knowing very well that she didn't eat lunch either. She slowly nodded, looking at me like a puppy.
"Want some pizza?" I asked and she quickly nodded again like that was the best thing she has heard in a while. I stood up and she looked up at me, worried instead of happy.
"I don't.. think it would be a good idea for me to leave school now.. without permission.. my sister would be really mad at me.." she said and I had to laugh.
She was afraid of getting caught. She was afraid of skipping classes. She was way too innocent. She's probably never done anything bad or illegal before. I was sure that she has never said a bad word before.
"Don't worry, we'll be back in time and your sister won't notice anything. If she does then I'll take the blame." I said and first she hesitated but then she stood up and put her books into her backpack.
We walked out to the parking spot together and got into my car. She was still very shy and most of the time very quiet but that was fine. She was a really nice girl. Nice enough with the potential to be a friend.
Nothing beyond that. It was fine like this and I just got to know her. After all that happened I wasn't planning on being more than friends with any other girl again so I needed to make sure that it wouldn't seem like I had other intentions.
I actually thought she deserved to have a friend who would help her and take a little care of her after the bad experience that she made.
"Thank you for helping me.. and for this.." she said after a while. I looked at her and then back at the road. She continued.
"You're actually the only one beyond my sister who's nice to me here. I really appreciate that." she said and smiled softly. She seemed like she really meant it. I couldn't imagine what this all meant to her.. i couldn't even imagine that someone was mean to her..
I smiled back. "There's no need to thank me. That's what friends do, right?" I said and she nodded, chuckling.
Obviously she liked the thought of us being friends. I did that too. I didn't see a problem with being friends with her. It was going to be fun. I knew that.
***
We went back to school in time after we ate our pizzas. The best thing about it all was that she was also a pineapple pizza lover. I couldn't believe my ears when she ordered. I never thought that I would meet anybody who loved pineapple pizza as much as I did. I was really impressed..
I got to know her a little bit more. She was actually really funny and not that shy anymore. I enjoyed being with her. Her company gave me good vibes.
When we finally arrived and she had to leave before her sister could notice that she left, she smiled at me in that way that made me soft and thanked me again.
"We should do that again one day." she added and I raised a brow and smiled. "Is that going to be a date or..?" I asked and she laughed, shaking her head. She knew I was joking. I was glad that she knew it and that we had the same humor.
"See you tomorrow." she said, waving before she left and she seemed way more comfortable than she did before. I liked that she wasn't as strained as she's been before. She finally understood that there was no need to be scared of me.
I couldn't wait to see how this friendship was going to bloom..