Moon
"I hate that he's loving her so much.." I admitted while my leg was still shacking of anger.. not able to hide the truth.
Skylar and I were sitting on the hood of my car somewhere near the beach. A small cliff with a view to the ocean. The waves were crashing back and forth, making loud noises that were almost louder than my thoughts..
"You said it.. He's loving her so much.." she said. I didn't react. I should be telling her to shut up because it's not true but it was true..
Of course I didn't want to believe that asshole.. but I was surprised and maybe a little impressed. I wasn't sure if he did and said these things because he didn't want me to fight him or because he was really meant it..
I knew him.. at least a little bit.. and he would've never apologized.. well that's what I thought. He would say rude and disgusting things that would make my blood boil and hate him even more than I already did.. but he didn't. He did the opposite and I saw that he was honest. The thought of me changing my mind about him made me crazy.
I was determined to hate him to death or until they would break up and he would just fuck off.. but when he said all these things... Well he didn't say anything that would change my mind or make anything better. He didn't gave me a vow. His words weren't golden and major but for me they meant a lot because it was about my sister and I saw the love for her in his blue eyes.
He was only thinking about her. Not about me and how angry I was. He didn't want to see her sad... that was all he wanted. He wanted to protect her and her feelings.
I knew that every douche could say that and try to proof his love for her and all that shit. Then why did I felt so uncomfortable and confused?
One side of me wanted to believe that he loved her as much as he said because I didn't want her to get hurt but the other side.. I knew he was lying because if he would love her that much he would've let her go. He would've realize what a damage he was for her and let her go so all her problems would disappear.
"Moon you can't always tear them apart. Let her live. Let her love. Let her make her experience." she said. She was right. I couldn't always tear them apart but I also couldn't let them be so close all the time.
I remembered what dad said. It would be okay if they would be texting and acting normal but they were ALWAYS together and that was too much for me. They were too close.
She was my little sister and I was going to protect her, no matter what.. and I wanted to see if she really loved and what was making their bond so strong. I wanted to see what kept them together although we all tried everything to keep them apart so many times..
I also knew that Sun was mad at me because I started a fight again but there was nothing I could do about it because my blood started boiling whenever I saw him... or them.
"Thanks again for taking Sun away from our fight today." I said not reacting to what she said before. "I knew it was going to escalate and she didn't have to see it. It really hurts her." she said and I ran my hand through my hair. I knew it hurt her.. and that hurt me.
I looked at Skylar.
The fact that she was caring and thinking so much about us. She really cared about me and Sun. I knew that and I really appreciated it. She was really supportive. She could've been standing there and watching us but she did the right thing. She took care of her and I appreciated that. I hated it when Sun saw these rude and savage sides of me.
When I looked into Skylar's eyes.. I couldn't explain what I felt in that moment.. I don't know if it was because of the waves, because of the sunset, because of her eyes or her smile but I felt that weird feeling in my stomach.. I knew what it was and this time it didn't make me nervous.
I leaned in and kissed her..
Sun
I finished my homework and laid down on my bed to call Dean. He picked up after it ringed three times.
"Babe..?" I could hear the guilt in his voice.
I knew he must've been breaking his head over the whole situation. I knew that small things were too much for him sometimes. "How do you feel? How is your face.." I asked and ran my hand through my hair, staring at the empty ceiling. "Okay. I'm sorry for being rude to Moon.." he said and I smiled but hoped he wouldn't notice it when I talked. "Stop apologizing." I said and swallowed.
The old Dean would've been provocative. The old Dean wouldn't have cared about what Moon said and what I was feeling and thinking about it. The old Dean would've never apologized about it..
"But I don't want you to be mad." he said and I shrugged although he couldn't see it. "I'm not mad." I said and I meant it. I wasn't mad. I didn't like how he couldn't control himself but I couldn't be mad because I knew why and I was only caring about us. Nobody else.
"How-.." he didn't continue the sentence so I kept talking. "I only care about your handsome face that's being damaged with every time you fight." I said and I could hear how relieved he was when he took a deep breath. I smiled again.
"You said you apologized to Moon.. how did that happen?" I asked a little skeptical and cautious.
I promised myself I wouldn't ask him about it because I didn't want to think more about it but I couldn't keep it inside anymore. I was too curious and wanted to know what happened between them even if it was going to make me sadder.
"Uhm.. I just said a few things about how much I love you and how I want you to be happy." he said and I realized how tired he was. His voice.. he sounded exhausted. His voice was so quiet and husky, he was talking so slowly.. like he just woke up.
"Alright.." I said not wanting him to explain more. It was the only thing I could say because there was nothing else to say. Nothing could change the situation. The thought of him talking about me to Moon.. made me a little nervous and happy at the same time.
And I could understand him. They were never going to accept us. It hurt and we were really fed up. At some point it was really enough. I was tired too.
"I wish I could see you right now.." he said and I closed my eyes.. that was all I wanted too.
Running my hand through his hair and feeling his big hands around my waist.. looking into his blue eyes that looked like they captured the ocean.. Feeling the way he breathes.. feeling his face in my neck and his love. I was dying for that..
"I wish that too.." unfortunately they were only going to stay wishes.
After a long silence and only enjoying each others company he finally broke the silence. I preferred listening to his voice more than listening to the silence.
"Sun?" he asked. "Mhm?"
"I love you." he said and the smile on my face was unexplainable. I blushed although that was something normal between us. It was just something different when he said it. It sounded special. He always kept telling me how much he loved me although there was no need to, because I already knew it.
"I love you too." I said and I hoped that he was smiling on the other line just as bright as me.
Unfortunately I heard someone knock on the door so I had to tell him that I had to go and eat dinner with people who hate us. Not really us in person but 'us'.
I hung up and Sam entered. She asked me if I would like to eat dinner with the rest of the family today. I nodded and we walked downstairs together. At the same time the front door opened and Moon walked in. I just looked at him totally emotionless and kept walking towards the kitchen. I knew that hit him more than any words or expressions of me could do it. I had nothing to say anymore. It wasn't going to work anyway.
He looked like he wanted to say something but I could see the attitude in his face and I was way more comfortable with him not saying a word.
I sat down while mom and dad were already waiting for us. I rubbed my eyes. I was a little tired and I hated the bright light that was above our dinner table.
Moon sat down as well after a few seconds.
We started eating and I swear to god I've never been more uncomfortable and distant. I felt madness all over my body. I was literally only waiting for him to tell them about his fight with Dean so they would hate him more because lately Moon started snitching on me like a bitch.
I kept looking at him. He was eating like a normal human being until he saw that I was looking at him. It was very very silent.
He shrugged and shook his head quickly sending a 'what?' to me. I didn't do anything. I knew he knew what I meant.
He clenched his jaw.
Moon
I knew what she meant and it disappointed me. She thought I was going to tell everyone what happened like I'd be a little brat who would snitch on her so easily.
Of course she didn't know what happened after she left and I wouldn't reach shit with telling them what happened. I wasn't planning on doing it anyway. The last time I did, mom had to order a new table.
She was mad at me. She was pissed and the distance between us was getting bigger and bigger with every second. I hated that because we used to be so close all the time.. I didn't want anybody to come between us. It really hurt.
"What's going on between you two?" dad asked out of nowhere with a raised brow. I stopped chewing and swallowed. "Nothing." I answered totally normal and he took a deep breath. He knew I was lying but he didn't a thing out of it.
Sun
"Sun when are you going to perform again? Your dad an I would love to watch you!" mom said trying to change to atmosphere.
I swallowed. She meant cheerleading. The games. Well the next game and the first of this season at the same time was next week and I still had to create a whole new choreography with the girls. It was something special and I always wanted them to watch me.
Mom mostly came but dad has never seen me perform... I don't know why but that made me sad. That was one of the reasons why I felt like I didn't mean anything to him and he didn't care about my success and my interests. He never even tried.
"Next week." I answered still looking at my plate. I furrowed my eyebrows. Even thinking of it made me mad. It was a little wound. "I've never seen you perform. I'd love to." dad said and his voice sounded soft.. not like earlier. Not like the other times where he loved to drag me down because I loved someone who he hated. I knew that he's never seen me perform...
"Because you never had the time to... guess you thought I didn't notice it or care but I did." I said with lack of every emotion looking straight up, past Moon. He was never going to know how much it would mean to me to see or at least feel him supporting me. He was never going to know how important it was to me that he would sit there with all the other parents and be proud of me. He was never going to know how much I hated how I felt the emptiness of his empty seat there and everywhere else.
I wanted to cry. I've never held my tears back that hard. I've never clenched my jaw that hard.
I hated being so emotional.
I knew none of this was going to matter because he wouldn't come anyway.
He was always busy with his missions, with his work, with Moon and everything else except me.
Ethan
It broke my fucking heart because I realized that Sun was the one who was a copy of me and not Moon.
Not because I loved Moon more and wanted him to be like me but because I knew Sun so well and it hurt to know that she was like me. I knew her as well as I knew myself.
She was stubborn, she was determined to get whatever she wanted even if she had to bleed for that, she had a hard shell but soft core, she was clever and she always knew how to get people around her. She was very sensitive.
But what hurt me the most, was that she was good in hiding her feelings. She was acting like none of anything around her mattered but she was sensitive.
Even the way she talked reminded me of myself. How easily she got pissed and mad but how she never gave up even if she was arguing with me. How she tried to show off. She was never afraid of who she had to confront.
She was still a child in my eyes but I knew what a huge lion was sleeping inside of her.
I couldn't help but smile.
"I'm definitely going to watch you. This time and all the following days." I said and she didn't look at me but she didn't even need to because she was me and I was her.
I felt what she felt.
I got the goosebumps that she got and my heart started racing like hers did.
The only difference was that I still smiled while she was still trying to suppress it...