F A R A
I was woken up by the knocks on the door.
As I turned my gaze on my side, I couldn't help but smile when I saw a bouquet of red flowers beside me. I sniffed it. It didn't have scent - better! I didn't know what flower it was, but I liked it.
I saw a letter attached on it.
Wait for me to come home. Always smile and pray. I love you!
- Storm
They had a mission today, an evengelism. Hindi na ako nakasama dahil medyo malayo-layo ang lugar.
I bit my lip as I felt the tickling feeling in my stomach whlie reading his letter many of times. A year already passed and he was getting sweeter each day. He always had time for me even though he was busy.
"Fara?" Napatigil ako nang marinig ko ang boses ni Manang Linda sa labas ng kwarto ko.
"Yes, Nang?" malakas na tugon ko.
"May bisita ka sa baba!"
Napabangon ako. "Bababa na lang po ako!"
I took a bath before I went downstairs. Pababa pa lang ako ng hagdan, natanaw ko na ang dalawang bulto ng tao na nakaupo sa couch ng living room. Napakunot-noo ako nang mamukhaan ko ang mga ito, lalo na ang nasa bandang kanan.
My vision got blurred in tears when I finally recognized who it was. "Dad?!" I ran to him. "Dad!" I exclaimed. Tumayo siya at nakita ko ang ngiti sa mga labi niya. Mabilis na niyakap ko siya nang makalapit ako. "D-dad, I've missed you!" I cried to him.
I felt his gentle touch on my back. "How's my daughter?" He broke our hug and then stared at me.
"I'm good." I told him emotionally. I stared at him. Nothing changed in him, but he looked a little bit older. "How about you?" I asked him this time.
He smiled a bit. "This is me now."
I was so glad, he was still alive and no longer in prison.
After my wedding, I talked to Dad, begging, "Please, do not go back to jail again."
He looked directly into my eyes, having no emotion as he used to to be. "Let me ask you one thing, Fara." He paused for a moment, not taking his eyes off me. And I was just waiting for him to continue while holding my tears back. "Do I deserve to be your father?" he finally asked.
I didn't expect he would ask something like that. I tried to get the right and true answer by looking back to how he fathered me and how I saw him as a father.
To be honest, I truly hated him before to my core because I blamed him for everything that happened in my life. But I was healed from those now; for all my traumas and brokenness. God healed me.
All I desired now was the reconciliation of my relationship with him. I was completely forgiving him.
"I am thankful because you are my dad. I am alive because you took care of me when mom didn't want me and hated me for existing. Thank you so much, Dad," I said with a smile and having blurred vision because of my tears.
I didn't know what was in his mind when he just nodded his head. And then, he said goodbye because he had to go back to prison.
I turned my gaze to my brother who stood on our side. "Kuya." I gave him a warm hug as well. Ilang taon din kaming hindi nagkita dahil namalagi siya sa Las Vegas.
"I have a good news," nakangiting sabi niya nang maghiwalay kami.
"What is it?"
"I'm getting married." Napatigil ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako o malulungkot. Not because I didn't want him to get married but rather I didn't like the woman whom he would like to marry. I never liked Sofia for him; however, I wished all the best for him.
"I'll be marrying my son's mother," he proudly said. Nanlaki ang mata ko dahil doon.
"What? Sofia is already pregnant?!" gulat na tanong ko.
Napakunot-noo siya sa sinabi ko. "No. Sofia and I broke up last year. I'm talking about Peachy. I'll marry Peachy Hunt."
I gasped as my lips parted in wonder, putting my hands over my mouth. "Oh my... Are you sure? For real?!" There was excitement in my voice.
His smile widened. "Yeah."
"Oh my gosh! Congrats!" I screamed excitement.
Our house got filled with a joyful conversation. We ate lunch altogether.
***
"Try that one!" masayang sabi ko kay Ate Peachy at tinuro sa kanya ang napakagandang gown sa pinakadulo. "What do you think?"
"Yes, mukhang maganda."
"Can she try that one?" I asked the saleslady.
"Yes, ma'am." She assisted us.
I helped Ate Peachy to wear the gown. She looked sexy in it because was revealing her back. She looked gorgeous! I was excited to be her sister-in-law.
She told me the story about her and Kuya Tyler. According to her, they got developed during their college days, but it stopped when they parted ways after they had graduated.
We were walking around the mall when she grasped onto me.
"Hey, are you alright?" I worriedly asked her as I held her arm to support her.
"I feel dizzy but I can manage. It's natural," aniya at kiming ngumiti sa akin.
"Natural?" kunot-noong tanong ko.
He hesitantly looked at me before she heaved a sigh. "I'm two weeks pregnant," she said with a weak smile on her lips.
My eyes widened in shock. "What?"
She nodded. "Secret lang natin to ha?"
Unti-unti na rin akong napangiti. "Wow! Congrats!" masayang bati ko sa kanya.
"Thanks."
We walked again.
I felt bitterness about her pregnancy. I envied her.
"What's the feeling of being a mother?" I suddenly asked.
Napasulyap naman siya sa akin. "Being a mother is the most wonderful obligation I've ever received. It's fun but not easy knowing that I became a mother at the young age."
"At least you have a child," I said out of bitterness.
"Fara, you're still young, don't lose hope," pagpapalakas-loob niya sa akin.
"If you can't, God can." Naalala ko ang sinabi ni Storm.
Mapait na ngumiti ako.
***
Pagkabalik ko sa kwarto, muli kong natanaw ang bouquet ng bulaklak sa kama. Lumapit ako roon at umupo sa kama. I picked it up and stared at it. It was really weird that I liked these flowers now. I lay down and placed it on my chest.
Napatitig ako sa wedding picture namin ni Storm na nakasabit sa wall. Dalawa na ito ngayon. Our first wedding and our second wedding. That second one contained a smile of us with genuine happiness.
"I miss you already, Storm."
***
S T O R M
"Pastor," somebody called me while I was taking a rest under a huge tree. I had just preached in front of many native people here in the mountain where our mission was earlier.
"Tay, kamusta po?" I happily talked to him. Tumayo ako at nagmano rito. "Hindi po ako pastor," natatawang sabi ko.
"Future pastor po!" pagsabat ni Christy na nasa may likuran ko. Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. She just laughed.
"Gano'n ba?" nakangiting sabi ng lalaki. "Kailan ka ulit babalik dito, hijo?"
"In God's will―sa ibibigay po na araw ng Diyos sa susunod." Bundok nga pala itong lugar, so not all of them could understand English.
"Iuwi niyo na po, Tay." I heard Daniel's voice from behind. Nagtawanan sila, gayon din ang lalaki.
Napailing lang ako sa kanila.
Binalik ko ang tingin ko sa lalaki. "Ipagpra-pray ko nalang muna po kayo."
I prayed for him. Pagkatapos, tinungo ko ang lugar kung saan nakatayo ang mga tent namin. Bundok kasi ang lugar at doon kami pansamantalang natutulog. Lupa 'yon ng isa sa mga kapatid sa lugar kaya safe naman. Some rested for a moment. Nagpalit ako saglit ng damit sa kotse ko. Amoy araw na ako dahil sa nabilad ako kanina sa araw. I wore a jacket.
"Where are you going, Kuya?" Daniel asked me when he saw me walking away.
"Somewhere quiet," I replied and continued walking.
Gusto kong mapag-isa, kaya inakyat ko ang dulong bahagi ng lugar. Halos palubog na ang araw nang makarating ako kung saan ay kitang kita ko mula sa burol ang paglubog ng araw.
I sat on the grasses and watched the sunset. I sniffed the fresh air - it was breezy here - then I watched the birds flying above the sky.
I thought of Fara, my lovely wife. I'd missed her already. Three days na rin kami rito at bukas pa lamang ang uwi namin.
"...if I would be a parent I'll give all the love and happiness that my children need. I'll support them to the things that will make them complete and happy..."
I heard Fara's voice in my mind, remembering what she had told me before. I felt the heavy burden as I thought of it.
God knew how I badly wanted to have a child with Fara but I let God's will be done. However, I was keeping my faith. It had been years but God was not answering our prayer, nonetheless it would not be a reason for us to stop serving God.
I tried to throw off the sadness and disappointment in my heart. I closed my eyes and prayed. I worshipped God, feeling the fresh air of the place. I felt peace.
My ears began to hear the tweets of the birds, so I opened my eyes. I was surpised at what I saw. The birds that was surrounding me was increasing. I was more surprised when they formed a circle shape.
"Hallelujah..." I muttered in wonder.
I stood up. Napangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan ang mga ito. They filled the sky. I got goosebumps, even though I was wearing a jacket. Halos palibutan ako ng mga ibon. It was amazing that no one of these bumped me. My eyes moistened as I realized what was the meaning of this.
Is God comforting me? I thought.
He knew the burdens and struggles that I was going through. I believed that He was speaking to me through these birds. He was telling me that I should not worry because He was with me, and with Him... nothing is impossible!
"Thank you, Lord," I whispered and started to cry in gladness. Pinagmasdan ko ang paglipad ng mga ibon sa himpapawid.
"Storm!"
Napatigil ako nang may tumawag sa akin mula sa likuran ko. Nang lingunin ko ito, si Christy ang nakita ko. Halata ang pagkamangha sa mukha niya. Nang ibalik ko ang tingin ko sa himpapawid, sunod-sunod na ring nagsi-alisan ang mga ibon.
"Have you seen it?" I asked her.
"Yes! It was amazing!" she exclaimed in amazement.
***
Makalipas ang ilang araw ng pag-eebanghelyo namin, napagpasyahan din naming umuwi. Everyone was tired and had less sleep but no one was complaining, instead we were all still joyful. That was how serving God became our passion.
Gabi na rin nang makauwi ako. Bumusina ako sa tapat ng gate ng bahay. Ilang sandali lang nakita ko rin ang paglabas ni Manang Linda ng bahay at binuksan ang gate. After I had parked my car, I greeted Manang Linda a "good evening".
"Where's Fara?" I asked her.
"Naku! Laging natutulog ang batang 'yan," sabi niya na may malawak na ngiti sa kanyang labi. "Mabuti pa't akyatin mo na sa taas at ako ng bahala sa mga gamit mo."
I went upstair. Pagkabukas ko ng pintuan ng kwarto, nakita ko si Fara na nakaharap sa malaking salamin at sinusuklay ang buhok niya ba basang-basa pa.
Lumapit ako sa kanya at niyakap mula sa likuran. Halata ang pagkabigla niya dahil nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "How's my wife?" I sweetly asked her. I smelled her fresh smell.
Gumuhit ang ngiti sa labi niya. Pumihit siya paharap sa akin. I waited for her response but she replied a different thing. "Can we buy an ice cream?" masayang tanong niya.
"Huh? Gabi na," naguguluhang sabi ko.
She frowned. "Basta, I want an ice cream, please?" she plead.
I cocked my one brow at her. "Seriously?"
She nodded. "Mango flavor, okay?" She gave me her sweetest smile. Who could ever reject that, huh?
"Fine," napipilitang sabi ko bago ko siya binigyan ng marahang halik sa noo.
"I want it right now," sabi pa niya.
"Com'on, Fara..." reklamo ko. "You must eat your dinner first."
"No," she objected. Her eyes began to water, and that was really confusing. "I said I want it right now," she repeated. Lumayo siya sa akin at umupo sa kama. She looked upset.
Napabuntong hininga nalang ako kahit na nawe-weirduhan ako sa kanya. "Okay, I'll just take a bath." sabi ko at tinungo ang banyo.
***
The stores were already closed when we went to the nearest stores in the place.
"It's closed." I told her. She was on my side - in the passenger seat.
"Then let's find another store," she said.
"I think, we should go home now."
"No, let's find another store."
"Fara," I said in a tough voice. "Hindi pa tayo naghahapunan. We should go home this time."
"But―"
"No buts." Muli kong pinaandar ang engine ng sasakyan. It was already midnight. I could feel the hunger in my stomach.
While I was driving, she was just silent. I glanced at her, and I noticed that her face was wet with tears; she was crying silently. My heart ached in that view.
I sighed and brought my eyes back to the road. "Let's just buy that ice cream tomorrow," I said.
"N-no, I want it right now," she said between her sobs.
"Fara, malayo na ang ibang convenience store dito. Look, it's already midnight," sabi ko nang sumulyap ako sa wrist watch ko. Why was she crying? Com'on, it was just an ice cream!
"I don't care," she said.
I got frustrated. "I'm already sleepy. I need to rest." Halos maghapon akong nagmaneho kanina at wala pa akong pahinga simula pa kahapon. "Please, ipagpabukas nalang natin to," I plead.
She began to sob in a louder sound. I really hate it, kaya mabilis kong ginilid ang sasakyan sa daan at pinatay ang makina. Sumandal ako at napapikit ng mariin dahil naririnig ko pa rin ang pag-iyak niya. Huminahon ako at nilingon ko siya pagkatapos.
"Fara, don't cry for this shallow thing," mahinahon na sabi ko sa kanya.
"Y-you don't understand," she said.
"Then what?" kunot-noong sabi ko. "Yes, I dont understand, so let me understand. Please..."
I was really tired, and I wanted to rest right away. I could feel the pain in my feet because we walked for how many miles in the mountain yesterday.
"We're craving for an ice cream," umiiyak na sabi niya.
Napatigil ako sa sinabi niya. "Wait, what?" Unting-unting nawala ang pagkakasalubong ng kilay ko dahil naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. "W-we're?" I stammered as I asked her.
She nodded her head.
My eyes widened. "A-are you..."
"Yes, I'm pregnant." She wiped her tears through her hands.
My lips parted and I was dumbfounded. The sincerity in her face when she told me those words was the assurance that she wasn't kidding. Indeed, I was already a father!
Unti-unting napangiti ako ngunit kasabay niyon ang pag-init ng mga mata ko dahil sa nababadyang mga luha na nais kumawala rito. Maging siya ay napangiti na rin habang pinagmamasdan ang naging reaksyon ko sa sinabi niya.
"Oh God, am I dreaming?" I said in wonder.
She shook her head and let out a delicious chuckle. I quickly pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her. And then I cupped her face and showered her little kisses all over her face. She just giggled on what I did. I stared at her with so much tenderness.
"God is so good..." I emotionally said.