F A R A
"Read your bible
Pray every day
Pray everyday
pray everyday.
Read your bible
Pray everyday,
And you'll grow, grow, grow!
Don't read your Bible
Forget to pray
Forget to pray
Forget to pray
Don't read your Bible
Forget to pray
And you'll shrink, shrink, shrink!"
Storm was teaching the children in Sunday school how to sing a song. It was so fun to hear them singing. No one was available to teach them, so he was the one who took over.
"One more time!" Storm commanded.
I turned my gaze to Mark, my cute nephew. Storm and I decided to fetch him and bring him here with us in the church. There was a wide smile on his lips while singing and moving his hands, following Storm's steps and gestures.
After singing a song, Storm told a story about Daniel and the Lion. He was good at storytelling. He acted like a kid so the kids were giggling at him. The kids loved him because it was obvious that he loved kids. Ang galing niyang mang-uto ng mga bata.
"Nakakita na ba kayo ng lion?" he asked the children.
"Opo!" they answer.
"Anong tunog ng lion?"
"ROOOAAAR!" sabay-sabay na sabi ng mga ito, dahilan para mapangiti ako.
"Very good!" Storm exclaimed. "Ano kayang gagawin ng lion kay Daniel?" he said acting like he didn't know the answer.
"Kakainin si Daniel!" sagot ng isa.
Storm laughed.
"Hindi po! Mabait si Daniel kaya hindi siya kakainin!" sabi naman ng isa.
"Tama!" Storm exclaimed. "Mabait si Daniel kaya..." pambibitin niya. "...nagpadala ang Lord ng mga anghel," he continued. "Anong ginawa ng mga anghel? Pinatikom nila ang bibig ng mga lion!" Amazement plastered on their faces. "Ganoon ang Lord sa mga taong love Siya at sinusunod ang mga utos Niya. Ililigtas Niya sila sa kapamahakan."
"Woah!" the kids exclaimed.
"Mahal niyo ba ang Lord?" Storm asked them.
"Opo!" they answered.
Effective din pala sa bata si Storm sa pagtuturo. Mas lalo tuloy akong humanga sa kaniya. He was a good teacher. I still remember how he patiently taught me in my accounting lessons before.
After the Sunday service and Storm's time for teaching the children, the music team started their practice for the concert. The practice went on until evening.
"Do you feel sleepy already?" tanong ni Storm sa akin nang magpahinga sila saglit. Halos maghahating-gabi na rin kasi kaya nakaramdam ako ng pagod.
"Uh, no. I am fine," sabi ko, kahit na ang totoo ay antok na antok na ako.
Nilipat niya ang tingin kay Mark na yakap-yakap ko at natutulog sa balikat ko. "Ihahatid pa pala natin si Mark kay Peachy."
"One last practice from the top!" Christy announced.
"One more and then we will go home," Storm told me.
I nodded my head.
Muling siyang umalis at nagsimulang kumanta sa stage. Bumuntonghininga lang ako at hinilot ang ulo ko dahil tila nanakit ito. Sinandal ko ang likod ng ulo ko sa backrest ng upuan at pinikit ang mga mata ko.
***
Naalimpungatan ako nang maramdaman kong tila lumulutang ako, at napagtanto kong buhat-buhat pala ako ni Storm sa bisig niya. Napakapit ako sa kanya. Kukurap-kurap pa ang mga mata ko habang pinamamasdan ang magandang hulma ng kanyang mukha. Hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng likod ko sa kama.
"Where's Mark?" I asked him.
"Nahatid ko na kanina habang natutulog ka."
"How was your practice?"
"A little bit more practice, mape-perfect na namin." He gave me a little smile before he walked into the bathroom to take a shower.
I tilted my body sideways, not facing the bathroon, and then I closed my eyes. Ilang saglit lang narinig ko rin ang pagbukas ng pintuan ng CR. Tumama sa ilong ko ang napa-fresh na amoy ng sabon na ginamit ni Storm sa pagligo. Di ko na lamang ito pinansin at pinagpatuloy ang pagtulog ko. Gumalaw ang kama at naramdaman kong tumabi siya sa akin. He hugged me from the back.
"Fara..." he whispered. His breath was touching my earlobe.
I felt a tingling feeling. Nagising ang diwa ko dahil doon ngunit nanatitiling nakapikit ang mata ko.
"Fara..." he whispered again. This time he left a soft kiss on my jaw.
I felt my heart race because of his actions. "Y-yes?"
"Wake up. Don't sleep yet."
"W-why?" I asked him. I turned around to face him.
He stared at me. "Did you pray?" he asked.
"Huh?" maang ko.
"I'm always telling you that you should pray first before going to sleep."
"Uh, yeah. S-sorry."
"Sit up, and let's pray," he said and then sat up, so I also sat up.
Pray lang pala, I thought. Akala kung ano―err! What in heaven do I think it was?
***
"Seriously? Tayong lang dalawa ang magno-noche buena?" I asked Storm. Nasa grocery store kami ngayon at namimili ng mga ingredients ng lulutuin niya mamaya para sa noche-buena.
"Yes. Wala si Dad. He's out of the country, while Peachy will celebrate with her parents. My uncles and aunties aren't home yet; bukas pa lang ang dating nila."
"How about your Lolo?"
"He's with Tita Cecil's family."
"Why don't we just join them?"
Tumingin siya sa akin nang hindi makapaniwala. "Are you sure? Tita Cecil is Sandy's mother, my cousin who insulted you."
My lips parted. "Oh, well... sabi ko nga tayo na lang dalawa."
Narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya bago dinala ang cart namin sa counter. Pagkatapos naming mamili, umuwi rin kami kaagad sa bahay. Nakakapanibago na wala si Manang Linda dahil umuwi ito sa kaniyang pamilya.
Dumating ang gabi at nag-umpisang magluto ng pagkain si Storm. He wore an apron. I helped him chop the vegetables with his guidance. I was still not used to it.
"How did you learn to cook?" I asked him while watching him cook. I smelled its delicious aroma. This was his last dish — pasta. Kaunti lang ang hinanda niya dahil kami lang naman dalawa ang kakain.
"My mom taught me," he replied.
"Oh." Buti pa siya. My mom was good at cooking, but she wouldn't teach me. "You are a total package. How lucky I am," I said with a smile on my lips.
He smiled back and glanced at me. "Blessed, not lucky. Luck isn't true. God is. He can use anything or anyone to do good to us or bless us."
"Oh, sorry."
Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras nagluto si Storm, pero sulit ang paghihintay ko dahil mukhang masarap ang mga niluto niya.
"Ilang minuto na lang Christmas na," sabi ko kay Storm habang inaayos niya ang mga pagkain sa lamesa. I just watched him. Deep inside I felt ashamed dahil siya lahat halos ang gumawa, kaya siya ang napapagod. "Need help?" I offered.
Pinagpag niya ang mga kamay niya. "No, okay na. Dahil napagod ako, kailangan ubusin mo lahat 'to," nakangising sabi niya sa akin.
I pouted my lips. "If I can."
He laughed. "I'll just take a quick bath, okay? Wait for me." Umakyat siya sa itaas.
Umupo ako sa upuan at kumuha ng tinidor para tikman ang macaroni salad na ginawa niya. It tasted good. Napatigil ako nang mag-alarm ang cellphone ko na nakapatong sa itaas ng refrigerator. Kinuha ko iyon.
Merry Christmas!
Iyon ang nakabungad sa screen nito. Napangiti ako at umakyat sa itaas para puntahan si Storm. Pagbukas ko ng pinto, saktong-sakto naman na kakatapos lang ni Storm magbihis, basang-basa pa ang buhok. I could smell his fresh scent.
His gaze turned to me and then he approached me, "Hey."
"It's already Christmas. Merry Christmas!" I greeted him with a wide smile.
Napangisi siya. "That's the first time." Lumapit siya sa akin at marahan akong niyakap.
"Huh?"
"That you greeted me a Merry Christmas."
Oh... "Where's yours?" nakangiting tanong ko.
He lowered his face to me and gave me a quick and gentle kiss. "Merry Christmas." He greeted me.
"Dapat talaga may kiss?" I cocked my brows.
"Of course. That kiss is my Christmas gift to you," tawa-tawang sabi niya at hinila na ako palabas ng kuwarto.
"What? That's so cheap!" I ridiculed.
"Cheap but came from the heart than expensive but not sincere," he excused and reasoned. "At kaysa naman sayo, walang gift," dugtong pa niya.
My eyes widened but squinted later. "Who told you?"
"Then where?"
"Later." I grinned.
"Really?" he smirked. "Okay, let's eat now. I'm starving."
"Me too."
***
"This my second time celebrating noche buena," sabi ko kay Storm na nakahiga na sa kama. I combed my hair though my fingers before I lay down beside him.
Napakunot-noo siya. "Second time?"
"Yeah, second time. We don't celebrate Christmas, you know, because my family doesn't believe in Jesus Christ. My mom and dad were still working while the world was having a noche buena. Most of the time I was just alone during Christmas day." Tila bumalik sa isip ko ang mga araw na 'yon. Ayoko nang maranasang muli ang mag-isa.
"You'll never be alone anymore," Storm said glancing at me with a sincere smile on his lips. I just smiled back at him. He leaned closer to me and put my head in his arm. "I wonder how your family works."
"I can say that my family is different, or it's just that I never felt that I belong to my family. It feels like everything I want is wrong and everything they want for me is right. They always control me."
"Maybe they're protecting you."
I shrugged. "Does putting a chain on someone protect?"
"I think."
"How?" I asked.
"Have you ever seen a dog with a chain and a dog without a chain?" he questioned.
"Yeah," I answered.
"What do you think is the advantage of a dog without a chain?"
"It goes wherever it wants."
"And its disadvantage?"
Napaisip ako. "It's not..." Napatigil ako saglit dahil sa bagay na pumasok sa isip ko. "It's not secure," mahinang sabi ko.
Because the dog without a chain is living in the street, a vehicle might hit that dog.
"How about the advantage of the dog with a chain?" he questioned more.
I shrugged. All I knew is that the dog with a chain has no freedom.
"How about its disadvantage?" paglampas niya sa unang tanong.
"It has no freedom," I answered.
"What do you wanna be if you were a dog? A dog with a chain, or a dog without a chain?"
"Uhm... of course, I wanna be a dog without a chain because I want freedom."
Tumango-tango siya. "If I were a dog, I want to be a dog with a chain."
Napakunot-noo ako sa sinabi niya.
"What?" I was surprised at his answer.
"As you've said, a dog without a chain is free but not secure."
"Don't you like freedom?"
"Freedom in life is good if we're self-sufficient enough to live our lives without guidance. But as imperfect people, not all the time we know what is good for us, just like a dog without a chain, it does whatever it wants, whether it is good or bad, it doesn't care. We're, sometimes, like that. I admit that. No matter how people see me as a smart and intelligent man, I know to myself, I need help. I can't survive alone. I need a master who can guide me and help me survive."
Natahimik ako.
"Think about the dog without a chain. It walks on the street alone without having a master... What do you think will happen to that dog? It will starve, right? At kapag umulan, wala itong sisilungan at maaari pang masagasaan ng sasakyan. That dog's life is in danger."
"Yeah, you're right but I still want to be free. I'd take all the risk just to be free. A dog without a chain will be self-sufficient because it stands on its own feet."
"A self-sufficient dog?" natatawang sabi niya. "I don't think it will survive without a master to provide. A dog can't provide for himself. It has nothing. All it can do is ask for food from strangers."
My lips curled because he was right.
"Why do you need to wait for yourself to starve to death if you have a master who can feed you in time, will always clean you up whenever you are dirty, and will shelter you when there's rain? Why would you choose a risky freedom over a blessing?" balik na tanong niya sa akin.
"Pero bakit aasa ka sa amo mo?"
Narinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya. "So, you mean, iiwan mo ang amo mo para maging malaya?"
Bumuka ang bibig ko ngunit walang salitang lumabas doon dahil hindi ko malaman ang sasabihin ko.
"Really, Fara? Bakit ang hilig mong mang-iwan?" natatawang sabi niya.
I knew he was just kidding but I was hurt. He was right, ang hilig kong mang-iwan at isa siya sa mga taong minsan ko nang iniwan.
Bumuntong-hininga muli siya kalaunan. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry," aniya, na ikinagulat ko. Was I obvious? "I'm not trying to argue with you to prove that I am right but to enlighten your confusion, so try to analyze this..."
I just bit my lower lip and listened to him.
"As a dog, it's a blessing for a dog to have a master. If the dog loves its master, it will always do what its master wants. And if the master loves his dog he will take care of his dog in any way. So, if the dog wants to be free, the master will be worried. Why? Because his dog might be lost, so he would rather chain his dog to secure it. And because that dog loves its master, the dog would rather be with its master. But if the dog doesn't love its master, it will escape and do whatever it wants until it dies."
"You mean, a dog that wants to be free is selfish and stupid."
"Did you know? God compares us with sheep. And sheep are way more ignorant than dogs. They are dependent on their shepherds. Kapag naligaw ang isa riyan, hindi na 'yan makakabalik, unless hanapin ito ng kaniyang shepherd. And people are truly like sheep; they are lost without a shepherd...
"If you think the dog that wants to be free is selfish and stupid, that's right. And yes, we are like that. It's the nature of man. We love ourselves too much. We are blinded by our self-righteousness. A self-righteous man will never see the pride in him, because he is full of himself. That's who we are when we want to do anything alone. If we just know how blessed we are when we have a master who guides us, we'll be grateful to have him."
Napaiwas ako ng tingin dahil nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya. "You're right..." mahinang sambit ko. "I am hurt because truth hurts."
"I just want you to know that it's not bad to admit that we are weak and we need help. It will make you appreciate people who strengthen you and help you. Just like what we experience in God. We'll never know how much we need God in our lives if we will not cast away our pride. We need to admit that we can't do it without Him. That's what I realized when I tried to live my life without God. Doon ko nakita kung gaano kahalaga ang mayroong Diyos sa buhay..."
He stopped for a few seconds. I was just silent.
"Maging sa parents natin. There are things that we don't appreciate when they're on our side, but you'll appreciate those when they're gone. So, what I'm trying to convey here is that, try to understand them and appreciate the good effect of their guidance."
"But as parents, they should also understand me. I don't feel like it's guidance but control; they want me to do what they want!"
"I believe they understand you, Fara, but they just can't let you do what you want because the situation of your family is different from other normal families."
I took a deep breath. My family was different, indeed. We were not safe and secure. Maaaring 'yon nga ang dahilan kung bakit iba rin ang way ng pagpapalaki nila sa akin.
I calmed down because I realized his point. "Alright." I nodded. "Maybe I was not free but at least I'm still breathing now, still alive."
"Sometimes the things that we think bad are good, and the things that we think good are bad." He smiled. "I believe God can use our parents to protect us from any danger since obeying our parents is a command of God. Besides, parents know what is best for their children. I don't believe that your parents don't understand you."
Silence arose between us when I didn't know what to reply. But out of curiosity, I decided to ask, "Anong klaseng anak ba si Storm Dylan Hunt?" Bahagya akong ngumiti.
I could see his face but I knew my question made him smile. "Well, I admit that I was a sakit-sa-ulo-ng-magulang before," he replied, letting out a chuckle. "Ilang beses na rin akong napahamak dahil sa katigasan ng ulo ko. There was a time that my friends invited me for a 'gimik' and my parents did not allow me to come with them because they knew what kind of friends I had. But I was really stubborn that time, kaya tumakas ako at sumama pa rin sa mga kaibigan ko. We just had a party for someone's birthday. But during the party, one of my friends got involved in trouble, and because we were his friends, we helped him. And that moment, lumipad ang mga bote ng alak sa ere. Basagan ng bote sa ulo."
My eyes widened. "What happened?"
"Sa hospital ang bagsak namin. Galit na galit si Papa. Kaya doon ako napaisip, na dapat nakinig ako sa mga magulang ko. Those friends of mine are no longer my friends when I became a Christian. I tried to win them but they did not listen to me."
"I didn't expect that. You don't look like a guy who joins troubles," natatawang sabi ko.
"That's how God changed me."
"And that proves God is real." I heaved a sigh when I remembered something. "I was a good daughter."
"Yes, but you're kinda brat," he said.
Nanlaki naman ang mata ko sa sinabi niya at natawa.
"How rude. But well..." I rolled my eyes. "Eh kasi naman, kulang ako sa pagmamahal... kaya gano'n."
"Actually, maging ako hindi ko maintindihan ang parents mo kung bakit gano'n sila sa 'yo."
"Why?"
"You are so lovely..." malambing na sabi niya.
I felt the butterflies in my stomach. Napangiti ako at nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya, kaya nagtama ang paningin namin.
"Until now, I can't believe that you are my wife. I never thought we'll be together kahit na nakikita kita dati noong bata ka pa. You were just like a little sister to me."
"I don't know as well how we came to this point."
Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko. "Thanks to our parents. See? I told ya, they know the best for you. And it's God's will for sure."
I nodded. "But if I would be a parent, I'll give all the love and happiness that my children need. I'll support them in all the things that will make them complete and happy. I don't want to be like my parents who raised me with incompleteness in my life."
I saw amusement in his eyes. The right corner of his lips motioned upward a bit like he thought about something interesting.
"Children... I wonder how many they are."
"W-what?" I felt the heat on my cheeks.
Lumawak ang ngiti niya at tumawa. Napatitig ako sa kaniya dahil doon. I couldn't help but appreciate his looks because he looked handsome when he smiled; his teeth were white and even.
I rolled my eyes and smiled. Parang noon lang nasa isip ko lang ang tinanong niya sa akin. "I'm not yet thinking about that." Really, Fara? bara ko sa isip ko.
"But I'm thinking about that," he said, and that made my heart jump.
"Then tell me," pasimpleng sabi ko.
"Do you wanna know?" he said.
"Y-yeah."
He moved his head closer to the side of my head and I felt his lips touch my earlobe. His warm breath gave me a goosebump. "God's will," he whispered.
Napakunot-noo ako at marahang tinulak siya palayo. "God's will?" I confusedly asked.
"Yeah, God's will."
"What if God wants many?" gulat na sabi ko.
"Let it be." He laughed.
"That will be... err..." Giving birth is not a joke. I hit him on the chest. He just laughed out loud. Napangiti lang din ako at tinitigan siya.
"By the way, where's my gift?" he asked with a cocked brow.
Oh, yeah. How did I ever forget that one? "Your gift? Do you accept anything?" I grinned.
"Yes, of course."
"Are you sure?"
He smiled. "Yes."
I did not talk again but I held his nape and gently pulled his face closer to me. I saw how unready he was when I kissed him. It lasted for a few seconds before I broke it.
"A kiss?" He smirked.
"Yeah. Kung anong tinanim mo, 'yon din ang aaniin mo, remember?" may pang-aasar na sabi ko at matamang tinitigan siya sa mata.
How blessed am I? I thought. I married a man who was leaning not on his own strength and understanding. He made me understand many things. He was right. Most of the time we live according to our own will. That is why we fail. And when we fail, we blame God, even if the truth is the one who should be blamed is us. I've learned that our lives must be controlled by our Master, so that we will be always directed to a peaceful and secure life.
He let out a chuckle. "Oh, fine. That's the sweetest gift I've ever received," he sweetly said. I just smiled at him and made a gentle touch on his face. He got on top of me before claiming my lips again. "I love you," he whispered between our kisses.
***
I want to throw up again. Hanggang kailan ba ako susulat ng ganitong scene? *cries*