F A R A
When we arrived at the resort where the reunion of the Ramirez family would happen, Storm's cousins approached us. I could feel their strange stares at me—as usual. The reunion went well and was very enjoyable because everyone participated in their activities. They were so comfortable with each other. That was why they were not ashamed to express their happiness. Everybody was enjoying the event, especially when the cousins had to dance.
I kept laughing when they were forcing Storm to dance. It took longer for them to force him before he finally danced. They cheered for Storm. He was really good at dancing, even if there was a mixture of kidding in his dance. Sean, his cousin, joined him, so everyone burst into laughter. But their dance didn't last long.
It was my first time attending an event like this because my dad's family wasn't close as they were while my mom's relatives had their own lives in faraway places. In my twenty years of existence, it was just me, my mom, Dad, and Tyler.
The reunion ended with Storm's closing prayer.
"This is Fara, my wife," pakilala sa akin ni Storm sa ibang mga kamag-anak niya na ngayon ko lang nakita dahil naninirahan daw ang mga ito sa ibang bansa.
"Fara?" sabi ng isa sa mga ito nang may halong pagtataka. "I thought your fiance's name is Demi."
Hindi na ako nagulat sa sinabi nito. Ngunit hindi ko maiwasang manlumo dahil bukambibig ng mga relatives ni Storm si Demi. Sa tuwing ipapakilala niya ako, palagi nilang binabanggit ang pangalang Demi. What would I expect? They were lovers for three years.
Storm left me for a while because Alexander called him to fix the sound system. I was just quietly sitting at a table. The music's volume lowered, and it was a bad idea because I heard some of Storm's cousins at my back talking about me. They were at the other table.
"Akala ko ba hiwalay na sila ni Kuya Storm?"
"I don't know. I thought Kuya Storm was with Ate Demi."
"I thought so. I want Ate Demi than that browny-haired girl."
I knew that she was talking about me.
"Gusto ko rin na magkabalikan sila ni Kuya. Si Ate Demi naman kasi talaga ang mahal ni Kuya Storm."
Halos manlumo ako habang pinapakinggan ko ang pag-uusap nila. I swallowed hard to control my emotion and calmed down my system. They were wrong. Storm loves me, not Demi. I had to mark those words in my mind or else I would go back to my depression because of overthinking.
"She doesn't even know how to mingle with us, unlike Ate Demi."
"Correct! I have seen her IG; she has a lot of pictures with Kirby. I think there was something between them. Do you think she was flirting with her own best friend?"
What the―what did they just say? Me, flirting with Kirby? What kind of brain do they have? Kirby was just like a brother to me.
"I think so."
They laughed out loud. I felt my body shivered in anger. Nakakainsulto ang paraan ng pagtawa nila kaya hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko dahil napatayo ako at hinarap sila, dahilan para mapatigil sila at napatitig sa akin.
"Excuse me, I am just a few steps away from you," I said. I wanted to tell them as calmly as I could but my anger is showing in my tone.
Matagal bago sila sumagot ngunit nagtinginan sila ng makahulugan sa bawat isa bago muling umakto na tila nagpipigil ng tawa.
"Bakit ba kasi hindi niyo sinabing nandoon pala siya?" bulungan nila sa harapan ko.
"I know that she's there but I don't care."
They let out an insulting chuckle. I felt maltreated and humiliated but I couldn't find any words to defend myself, so I just lowered my gaze because I felt my eyes moisten.
"Mandy, she's Kuya Storm's wife," pagsuway ng isa sa kanila.
"'Di naman siguro siya sumbungera."
"Excuse me." They all stopped when someone interrupted them. That made me lift up my gaze on that person because it was... Storm.
It was obvious that they were shocked because their face turned pale.
"K-kuya..."
"We're just―"
"I heard everything," Storm cut her in a serious tone of voice. It was obvious on his face that he was just restraining his anger. "If you have a problem with my wife, just tell me." His voice was calm but there was a warning in it.
They just averted their eyes in guilt. Storm later turned his gaze on me. His face softened as he stared at me but I just looked away. Mukhang ako pa ang magiging dahilan ng pagkasira ng relasyon niya sa mga pinsan niya.
He came closer to me and held my hand. "I'm sorry for that," he said before he started to drag me somewhere far away from his cousins. Nagpatianod lamang ako sa kaniya.
***
"You should have stayed with your relatives," I told him while he was driving. Kaagad kasi siyang nagpaalam sa mga relatives niya matapos ang nangyari sa pagitan namin ng mga maldita niyang pinsan.
"If they would just make you feel unwelcomed in that family, going home is the right choice. Before I lose all the kindness in my system while hearing their insults towards you."
I just lowered my gaze. Having the thought that Storm's family didn't like me just broke my heart. I wanted to love everything about Storm, and I wanted to consider his family too.
"Why do people doesn't like me?" wala sa sariling tanong ko. Alam kong napalingon siya akin pero pinako ko lamang ang tingin ko sa mga kamay ko na nasa kandungan ko.
"Don't say that. They just don't know who you really are and they are used to seeing me with Demi. That's why they're longing for Demi's presence beside me instead of you. My cousins are brats sometimes but they are sweet and kind when they like someone."
That explained why they didn't like me.
I didn't expect it when he took my hand and placed it on his lips, giving it a gentle kiss. I was dumbfounded and I felt the butterflies in my stomach fluttering.
"Stop thinking negatively. Whether they like you or not, you're still the woman I love," he said with a warm smile on his lips. He gave me a quick glance before he focused on the road again.
I just restrained a smile on my lips. "You became so sweet. Ano'ng nakain mo?" I told him.
He let out a chuckle. "I don't know."
Each day I saw who Storm really was. He is a loving husband and I was blessed for having him in my life. He was perfect in my eyes. He didn't know that his sweet actions could kill me. His kisses felt like home.
He didn't let go of my hand. He remained holding it while his other hand was taking control of the steering wheel.
***
S T O R M
We went straight to my pad where I lived when I was in college. I would pick the instruments I had here for our upcoming concert. I had a caretaker for this pad so I was not surprised when we found the house clean and the things were well-ordered when we arrived there.
"Is this pad yours?" Fara asked while wandering around.
"Yes," I replied while heading to the door of a room. "Come here, I'll show you something," I told Fara before I opened the door. There we saw the different designs, styles, colors, and kinds of guitars, nearly a hundred pieces.
I heard Fara gasp. I looked at her and saw amazement on her face as her eyes examined my guitar collection. "They are beautiful, Storm!" she exclaimed with eyes widened. "Do you own them all?" She walked into the room to see the guitars closer.
"Yes." I smiled and let her admire my babies. I was very in love with musical instruments since when I was a kid. I remembered the guitar she had before. Bakit nga ba nakalimutan ko na mahilig siya sa music? "You can play them, right?" I asked her.
She looked at me and nodded her head. There was happiness in her eyes.
"Do you want to try them?"
Napalitan ng pag-aalinlangan ang kaninang masaya niyang mukha. "H-hindi naman ako masyadong marunong. Simpleng mga chords lang ang alam ko," she shyly said.
I took one of them and turned on the switch of the amplifier to connect it to the guitar. I strummed the strings and it produced a rock sound. I blended and managed its sound and turned it into a softer one. I had to use this guitar for the concert because three guitarists are better than one.
"Who taught you to play guitar?" I asked her. I sat on the beatbox there.
"I watched guitar lessons on YouTube and uh... my ex-boyfriend taught me."
Her ex-boyfriend...
Sounds not good to me, I thought.
I just nodded. "Do you understand the keys?"
She shook her head. "No. What's the deal with those keys?"
"Key is significant to a guitarist or a musician. You must know the family chords of every key. The keys are A, B, C, D, E, F, and G; including the sharps and flats. Each chord has family chords. If you notice when you sing a song, sometimes its note is too high or too low for you. So, when a musician knows how to play every key, they can choose the right key that fits the quality of your voice. If the song is too high or too low, the keys will help you to adjust it," I explained.
"That's amazing," she said while watching me play a guitar piece to warm up my fingers; it's Canon. "That piece sounds familiar."
"They usually play it at weddings."
"How about this drum? Can you play it?" She pointed a finger at the color white drum set on the side.
"I was really a drummer before. Tumutugtog ako sa mga gigs noon nang walang bayad... just for fun."
She saw the grand piano on the other side of the room. "Don't tell me, you can also play piano?" she asked again with eyes wide.
I just laughed at her reaction. She was being enthusiastic, and I liked it.
"Yes, I play that one."
"Can I open it?" she asked my permission.
"All you want, Fara."
She opened it. She ran her fingers to its keys and pressed one, making a sound. I easily recognized what the key was, even without looking at it.
"When I was a kid, I badly wanted to know how to play this," she said as she pressed the other keys. "But it's really hard for me."
"That's just easy."
She glanced at me and pouted her lips. "Mahirap; nakakalito. I can't make my two hands play together."
I let out a chuckle. "There's a practice in that problem." Tumayo ako at lumapit ako sa kaniya. "Let me show you one." I sat on its long chair and stared at the keys.
She sat beside me. "Show what?"
I started to play the piece, Dance of the Sugar Plum, using my left hand alone. "Are you familiar with this piece?" I asked her.
"Sounds familiar."
I began to play it together with my right hand, playing the song while the left hand was giving a melody.
"Hey, that's Dance of the Sugar Plum!" she happily exclaimed.
"I have mastered this piece within just five days. It's one of the hard pieces of piano," I said while still continuing on playing it. "Watch my left hand. Can you see that? Its tempo is consistent while my other hand is working on the tune of the song."
"Yeah, that's what I am talking about. It's hard to do that."
I paused. "Now, I'll show you what the keys I am talking about." I changed my hand position, preparing for the other key. I played the song again, but its tune was lower than the original. "Have you noticed something?" I asked her.
"Uhm... yeah."
"What is it?"
"It's the same song but the tune was lower," she said.
"That's it." I stopped.
"How did you master that?"
"All you need is patience. Everything is easy when you work hard for it."
Her brows furrowed. "Easy but needs to work hard?"
"Yeah, that's quite complicated to understand but what I mean is when you work hard for something, everything will be easy for you. Until you'll just realize that you're no longer working for the piece because you are already the piece," I meaningfully said.
She stared at me with amusement. I didn't know what was playing on her mind but it was obvious that she was thinking about what I said.
"Tell me what's the real meaning of what you said," she said as if she knew that what I told her had another meaning. And she was right.
"When you work hard for a piece, you'll be that piece," I explained. "Yeah, I applied that principle in my spiritual life. Everybody thinks living for God is hard. It is hard when you don't want to give all you have. Living for God is just like a piano piece. When you work hard for a piece or in other meaning, to live for God, you'll be that piece, and being that piece means after you work hard to live for God, you will be rewarded. The fact that you can live for God proves that God lives in you. When God lives in you, you'll be a piece that will be heard by somebody else through your testimony."
Her lips parted but she later smiled. "I hope I could be that piece that will be heard by somebody else. But you said I need to work hard for that piece to be that piece."
I nodded. I flipped the strands of her hair blocking the view of her beautiful face. "But you have to do it for the glory of God. You can do it when God is your inspiration while working for it." I stared into her eyes. "When I was still an unbeliever, all my abilities and talents about these things were being used for my own satisfaction alone, which was nonsense. Time will come that my hands can no longer play this piano..."
I touched the key of the piano. "And my voice will get old." Muli kong ibinalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya. "Kamtan ko man ang katanyagan sa mundo, lahat ng 'yon ay mababaon sa lupa; lahat ng iyon ay lilipas at makakalimutan din ng lahat ng taong humahanga sa akin dahil maging sila ay mababaon lang din sa lupa."
Her eyes were still staring at me, intently listening to me.
"So, the moment that I encountered Christ in my life, I realized how I wasted my time singing for the world. Being used by the world is just temporary, but being used by God is for eternity. As what apostle Paul says, 'Our service for the Lord is not in vain.' "
She didn't say anything so I continued.
"So, when the time comes that I'll go back to my ministry, I want you to be with me, carrying each other's burden, comforting me every time I get stressed because of the stubborn sheep..." I let out a chuckle.
She just smiled. I thought it was time to make her understand my commitment to God. "And every time that it feels like I want to give up on serving God," pagpapatuloy ko.
Dad and I already talked about this during the reunion. We were just waiting for the perfect time, just a little bit more waiting and I would get back to my life as a servant of God.
"I want you to understand my calling, Fara," I said in a soft voice.
"What do you mean?"
"You'll be an evangelist's wife again."
Her lips parted. She was about to respond when we heard the sound of the doorbell.
"That's the music team," I said and stood up to open the door.
***
We discussed the concert. Its concept, designs, how many souls were the target, and the techniques in distributing the tickets.
"I think the tickets must be free," I suggested. Although we had a plan to attract people through music, this concert isn't about music but the Gospel in the middle of the concert.
"P'wede naman pero kailangan kasing bawiin ang mga magagastos natin para sa mga susunod pa nating activities at events," Joss said.
"I know. But if the tickets have a cost, it wouldn't be easy to distribute them to unbelievers, especially when they see that it's a Christian concert. They will think, 'I'm not going to waste my money on this.' Kung believers ang tatanggap sa ticket, walang problema. But they are not our target; our target is the unbelievers," I explained.
"You have a point."
"That's why I'll pay for all the tickets," I volunteered. I wanted them to hear the Good News for free.
"As always, Storm," nakangiting sabi ni Christy.
"Well..." I shrugged.
They just laughed.
***
F A R A
Inabot ng gabi ang pag-uusap at masayang kwentuhan ng music team; nagkaroon din sila ng kaunting jamming bago sila nagka-ayaan na umuwi na.
"Bye, Kuya!" paalam nila kay Storm.
"Bye, Fara!" They waved their hands at me. I just gave them a shy smile.
"Take care," Storm told them.
We just watched them leave the place. I heard Storm heave a sigh, so I looked at him. He was staring at the tickets he had in his hand.
"I have to distribute all of this," he said and lifted up his gaze on me, so I saw how sweaty his face was. I bet he was tired. "Will you help me?"
"Yeah, sure," I replied while staring at him. "Uh, about what you told me a while ago..." I opened our topic earlier.
He raised his eyebrow in question.
"That I'll be an evangelist's wife again," I said.
He heaved a sigh. "I'll go back to ministry again. I hope you will understand me when the time comes that I'll become busy with my service to the Lord."
Kung sa iba, hindi magandang ideya ang pagkakaroon ng kaagaw sa oras ng taong minamahal mo, sa akin iba ang dating nito. I felt so happy because my husband would spend his time to sensible things. Na-miss ko ang Storm na walang ginawa kun'di ang mahalin ang Diyos niya na ngayon ay Diyos ko na rin.
"Storm, from now on, I am with you in everything you do as a man of God," I sincerely said and gave him a smile that would give him courage.
Kahit hindi siya nagbubukas sa akin tungkol sa problema niya sa spiritual life niya, alam kong naghihirap ang kalooban niya sa tuwing naaalala niya ang kabiguan niya sa paglilingkod sa Diyos. Ramdam ko ang kalungkutan niya kahit ngumingiti siya kapag kasama ko siya. He wanted to come back. He wanted to give his all. I knew he missed who he was before he met me.
He smiled back at me but I saw his eyes water with tears. He pulled me closer to him and gave me a warm hug. "That's the sweetest words I've ever heard, Fara," he whispered. "I think, that's better than your I love you. "
"Do I have to tell you that always?"
He let out a chuckle. "No, I still want your I love you. It's just that... I never heard those words all my life."
"Really?"
"My family is against my calling, so let's win them by giving these tickets to them tomorrow."
"Right."
Pagbalik namin sa pad, niligpit ni Storm ang mga kalat at pinagkainan namin ng music team.
"Hindi ba tayo uuwi?" I asked him.
"No, we'll stay here. Gabi na kasi, kaya bukas na lang tayo umuwi." He glanced at me.
I accidentally yawned.
"Do you feel sleepy? Pasok ka na sa k'warto."
"Okay. I'll just wait for you there," sabi ko at tinungo ang k'warto niya.
I went to the bedroom and groped for the light switch on the wall. I turned it on. Bumungad sa akin ang puting kama at organized na mga gamit doon. Umupo ako kama at nagtanggal ng sapatos.
Naramdaman ko ang paglalagkit ng balat ko kaya gusto kong maligo muna saglit. Nilibot ko ang mata ko sa k'warto at hinanap ang cabinet para manghiram ng damit kay Storm. Sana nga lang meron. Nilapitan ko ang cabinet doon at binuksan iyon. Hindi naman ako nabigo dahil bumungad sa akin ang mga damit sa loob niyon. Siniyasat ko ang mga iyon para mamili ngunit napansin ko na ang lahat ng naroon ay damit... pambabae?
Whose clothes are these? I thought.
Napatigil ako nang bumukas ang pintuan at niluwa niyon si Storm. Nakita ko ang pagkabigla sa mukha niya nang makita niya kung anong ginagawa ko; nangingialam lang naman ako ng gamit niya.
"Uh, I'll just borrow your clothes."
"That's not my cabinet," aniya at tila titig na titig sa cabinet na binuksan ko.
"Huh? S-sorry, kaya pala puro pambabae. Whose clothes are these?"
Natahimik siya sa tanong.
I watched him sit on the bed. He swallowed before he spoke. "Those are Demi's," he hesitantly said. "Nakalimutan kong ipabigay sa kan'ya ang mga 'yan."
Tila napipi naman ako sa sinabi niya at hindi malaman ang sasabihin.
"We lived together..." Naalala ko ang naik'wento niya sa akin noon tungkol sa naging relasyon nilang dalawa ni Demi. This place was where they lived together. Kahit na alam kong ako na ang mahal niya ngayon, hindi ko pa rin maiwasang mapaisip sa nakaraan nila.
Tila napansin naman niya ang pananahimik ko kaya tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin. Hinapit niya ako palapit sa kaniya at hinaplos ang mukha ko, dahilan para mapatitig ako sa kaniya.
"Fara, everything that happened between us is just a part of my past. She is just my past and you are now my present and future..."
Yeah, but his past was still whispering to us.
He gave me a kiss on the forehead. "You don't have to worry."
Ngunit hindi ko maiwasang mapaisip lalo na't alam ko ang naging takbo ng relasyon nila.
"Wala bang naging bunga sa pagsasama ninyong dalawa noon?" biglang tanong ko.
Shock crossed his face. Naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng pagtibok ng puso ko nang mag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. What did that reaction mean?
Mapait na ngumiti siya sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Fara, it doesn't matter anymore, but yes, she got pregnant."