I woke up in the morning to the sound of a voice singing and a guitar being played somewhere. When I glanced at the open window, the sky was still dark. I saw Storm sitting on a chair, facing the window while he was playing with his guitar. I watched him as I listened to his soothing voice.
I felt my eyes becoming warm as I remembered what happened last night. The heavy feeling in my chest was still there. I couldn't blame Storm because it was really hard to forget his three-year relationship with Demi. Not only that. They also grew up together.
I took a deep breath, but it was a wrong move because Storm turned to me. He smiled slightly
when he saw that I was awake. "Merry Christmas," he greeted me.
I looked away and didn't reply.
Narinig ko ang unti-unting paghina ng tunog ng gitara. Nang sumulyap ako sa kaniya, nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin ngunit wala na ang mga ngiti niya sa labi kanina. He stood up, leaning the guitar against the wall.
"Let's have breakfast," he told me.
I got off the bed and went to the bathroom. I couldn't help but think while I was brushing my teeth. Hindi p'wedeng ganito kami.
Do something about this, Fara, I heard a little voice in my mind.
Napapikit ako nang mariin dahil sa nabubuong plano sa isip ko. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang nasa isipan ko pero ito lamang ang natatanging paraan na sa tingin ko ay magiging mabuti para sa aming dalawa.
Pagkatapos kong mag-ayos, wala na si Storm sa k'warto. I went to the kitchen. Tita Marie was there, so I asked her, "Si Storm po?"
"Nasa garden, hija. Nagpatulong ang lolo niya roon na magdilig."
I went to the garden, and Tita Marie was right - I saw Storm gazing at the flowers alone.
"Storm," I called him.
He turned his head to me. "You shouldn't be here. Allergic ka sa bulaklak, 'di ba?" he said and let out a chuckle.
Well, yeah.
"I wonder why other girls love these ugly flowers," I said.
"They are beautiful," he disagreed.
I just rolled my eyes as I stood beside him. I was silent for a moment before I spoke up. "May I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"How do you lessen your anger to someone?" I asked.
"Just think about the good things that this person has done for you. Let the good memories be greater than the bad memories," he replied.
"Really?"
"Just like this what-you-call ugly flowers - although in fact, they are beautiful. You said you hated them because they left bad memories to you. They left bad memories to you because you focused on its bad side. But think about how many farmers felt great after seeing these plants bloom because of the patience they invested in taking care of them. What do you think will they feel when they find someone who does not like what they love and care about?"
I looked at him with amusement. He was really full of wisdom.
"The solution to remove your anger is to forgive. Don't lessen your anger, remove it," he added.
I took a deep breath and asked, "What if I can't forgive this person?"
"Matthew 6:14 says, 'If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you.' If we will compare these flowers to humans, then the farmer I'm talking about is God."
I couldn't think of something to debunk that reasoning. It just stuck in my mind after that.
***
I dialed our telephone number in Las Vegas. It rang three times before someone answered it. I thought about doing this a few times. I knew he was the only one I could ask for help now. I was now ready to give my father a second chance. Storm made me realize this.
"Hello?"
"Dad..."
I heard some movement from the other side of the call. He probably recognized my voice. "Fara?"
"D-Dad I want to say sorry," I said and started to sob.
Natahimik siya sa kabilang linya.
"I want... an annulment," I said between my sobs. My tears flowed one after another.
Napasandal lang ako sa puno na nasa likuran ko at tahimik na umiyak.
"What happened?" he said in a low voice.
"I just want to set him free. H-He can't love me back. I don't want him to suffer because of me. P-Please, Dad, I want our marriage to be annulled," I plead.
I heard him heave a sigh before speaking, "As you wish."
I ended the call and just sat on the grass. I cried silently and lifted my gaze to the sky, hearing the tweets of the birds from the branches of the trees.
"Fara!"
I turned to someone who was approaching me. I quickly stood up and wiped my tears away through my hands. It was Ate Peachy.
"Kanina ka pa hinahanap ni Storm," huminto siya at tinitigan ako, "are you okay?"
I just nodded and gave her a small smile. "M-May I talk to you?"
"Oo naman."
"I'm leaving tomorrow," I confessed.
Napakunot-noo siya at halatang naguluhanan sa sinabi ko.
"S-Saan ka pupunta?" she asked.
I shook my head and said, "Sorry, hindi ko p'wedeng sabihin sa 'yo."
Her eyes widened, shock crossed her face, and her mouth dropped open slightly. "Fara, are you leaving Storm?" she asked.
"Y-Yes. If you want him to be happy. Let me do this," I said.
"How sure are you that leaving him will make him happy?" she countered.
I fell silent for a moment before speaking softly, "I... I'm sure because I am not the girl he loves."
"How sure are you?"
Nagbaba ako ng tingin. Napakalinaw pa sa isip ko ang pag-uusap namin ni Storm kagabi.
"He is for Demi," madiin na sabi ko.
"Do you love Storm, Fara?" Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. "Do you love my cousin?" she repeated.
I looked away as my eyes started to well with tears. "Y-Yes. I love him."
"Then fight for him."
I wish I could...
"I don't want to fight the fate. You know that your cousin is a believer... and I am not. Magkaiba kami ng pag-ibig sa isa't isa. He loves me because of his God, not because I am his wife," I said and sobbed.
Her facial expression softened.
"K-Kapag natanggap niya ang annulment paper, convince him to sign it, please..." I plead.
"Siguro nga hindi ko maaaring diktahan ang nararamdaman mo pero isa lang ang gusto kong ipakiusap sa'yo, pag-isipan mo nang mabuti ang gagawin mo. As Storm's cousin, I don't want him to get hurt again," she said with concern.
***
Ngayon din ang biyahe namin pauwi dahil may urgent meeting si Storm sa isang investor niya. Nagkunwari akong tulog buong biyahe, kahit na ang totoo iniiwasan ko lang na magkausap kami. Ayaw kong magkaroon pa ako ng dahilan para mag-iba ang isip ko.
"I'll be back later," Storm told me while fixing his necktie.
I nodded my head and watched him until he said "goodbye" to me and left the house. That's when I started packing my things. I couldn't help but get emotional every time I thought that today was my last day in this house.
I received a message from Dad. Everything was already settled for my flight to Europe tomorrow and we would meet at the airport. Kasalukuyan pa niyang inaayos ang annulment namin ni Storm. Alam ko namang kayang pabilisin ni Dad ang proseso nito dahil katapat lang nito ay koneksyon at pera.
I decided to cook dinner because the sky was getting dark. Wala akong ibang aasahan kundi ang sarili ko dahil wala si Manang Linda para ipagluto kami ni Storm ng makakain.
I only saw a chicken in the refrigerator so I thought I'd just fry it. Believe it or not, it was my first time cooking.
A moment later, I heard Storm's car arrive at the house. When he went to the kitchen and saw me cooking, he stopped. Tila hindi siya makapaniwala na nakasuot ako ng apron.
"Uh, wala kasing magluluto kaya nagluto na ako," I said.
"Tamang-tama. I'm starving," nakangiting sabi niya. Kumuha siya ng plato at siya na mismo ang nagsandok ng kanin para sa aming dalawa.
I didn't cut the chicken in half when I fried it so it sat in the middle of us, still whole.
"Ayaw mo ba ng ulam?" tanong niya nang mapansin niyang hindi ako kumukurot sa manok.
Umiling lang ako at napakagat sa baba ng labi ko. "H-Hindi naman."
"Teka, hahatiin ko." Akmang kukunin niya ang manok para hatiin kaya nag-alarma ako at pinigilan siya.
"'W-Wag na."
"Hindi, hati tayo."
Hindi ko na siya napigilan nang makuha niya 'yon, ngunit napatigil din siya nang baligtarin niya na ang manok. Mayamaya pa ay napuno ng tawa niya ang kusina. Napatakip na lang ako ng mukha gamit ang palad ko dahil sa hiya. Maayos naman kasi ang pagkakaluto ko sa kalahati ng manok. Ang kaso, sobrang dulok ng kabilang bahagi nito.
"Kaya pala," he said while still laughing.
"Hindi naman kasi ako nagluluto," I reasoned as I frowned.
"Hindi mo rin ba nilagyan ng asin?"
Umiling ako.
"Kaya pala matabang. Sige na, kumain ka na. You cooked it, so be proud of it," aniya na may halong pang-aasar.
Inirapan ko lang siya.
***
Ang gabing ito na yata ang pinakamatagal na gabi sa buong buhay ko. I tried my best to keep myself awake all night while watching Storm sleeping. Ito na lamang ang huling pagkakataon na matititigan ko siya nang ganito. Kanina pang one o'clock ako nakabihis at nakapag-ayos. I looked at the wall clock. It was already three in the morning. I only had an hour left dahil four o'clock ang biyahe ko papuntang airport. I knew it was too early, pero ayaw ko namang maabutan ni Storm ang pag-alis ko.
Habang palapit nang palapit ang oras, pabigat din nang pabigat ang nararamdaman ko. Kung kanina relax lang ako, ngayon naman gusto ko nang humagulgol. Pinaglapat ko nang mariin ang mga labi ko para hindi ako makalikha ng ingay. Tahimik lang akong lumuluha habang nakatingin kay Storm na walang kaalam-alam sa nangyayari. Nanatili lamang akong nakasandal sa headboard ng kama.
When I looked at the wall clock again, it was exactly four o'clock. I gently wiped away my tears and got off the bed, then I took my suitcase under the bed.
When I looked back at Storm again, I was tempted to hug him one last time, but I knew that wouldn't help me because I might just wake him up in no time.
I just smiled bitterly before leaving the room. My steps were careful as I left the house. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makapasok ako sa loob ng kotse. I started the engine and drove it.
I dialed Dad's number.
"I'm on my way," I said.
Dad greeted me with a hug when we finally met at the airport. He just wore a plain white polo shirt, black jeans and white rubber shoes. I was not used to seeing him not wearing corporate attire.
"Thank you, Dad," I said while parting from his hug.
He smiled, which he rarely did. "And thank you for giving me a chance to be a father to you," he said.
I just smiled bitterly and looked away. I would be a hypocrite if I'd tell that I was no longer mad at him. I still had a little bit of anger because he was the one who brought me into this situation. If he hadn't forced me to marry Storm, I wouldn't have experienced this brokenness either.
"Don't tell anyone where I am," I requested.
"Okay. Just take care there," he said.
"Are you not afraid, Dad?" I suddenly asked.
"Why would I?"
"I might meet my father." Europe was, after all, the country of Dad's whole family.
"That's impossible," he said with seriousness on his facial expression.
"Why?" I asked with brows furrowed.
"I killed him last week."
My eyes widened as I stepped back in shock. "W-What?"
"You said you want the justice for your Mom, and you said that's the only thing I must do to have your forgiveness."
"W-What do you mean?"
"Franco is the mastermind of your mom's death."
I looked at him with disbelief while tears were welling up in my eyes.
He killed Tito Franco...
He killed him because of me...
Because of what he did, I felt like I was a murderer, too, like him.
"Y-You shouldn't have done that!" I said between my sobs. "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE KILLED MY FATHER!" I yelled out.
Halos napapatingin na sa amin ang ibang tao dahil sa pagsigaw ko.
"Just go, Fara," madiin na sabi niya. I shook my head as I just cried in front of him. "Go or I'll bring you back to Storm?" he warned me.
I calmed down myself and looked at him straight into the eyes. He didn't deserve my second chance. The truth could not change that he had no soul. He was really a devil in disguise.
"We're done now, Dad. Just see you in hell!" I yelled at his face before I left him.
As I walked into the airport, I could feel my heart breaking into pieces because of this unbearable pain that my broken relationship with my family and my husband caused me. I felt like I was going crazy because of the amount of burden I was carrying emotionally.
Hanggang sa paglipad ng eroplanong sinasakyan ko, wala ako sa sarili. But I felt the constant drops of my tears rolling on my cheeks.
I turned my gaze on the clouds.
I was sorry for leaving Storm. I was wondering if he would look for me, if he realized my worth in his life and if he thought... he loves me too.
Storm's face is pictured in my mind. I would miss him, especially his stories and teachings about his God. He was the reason why I believed now that God is real.
I remembered what he had said: "God always has a purpose for everything."
Was this pain God's purpose? If it was His purpose, He was so unfair. Why did He have to make my life miserable? Why did He have to take away all the people I treasured the most? Was it because I don't love Him?
"Do I have to love you back?" I whispered while staring at the blue sky.
***
Storm
+6336****1146
Wed 6:23 AM
Fara? Where are you?
Where are you? I'm worried.
Please, answer my call.
Fri 9:56 AM
Please, Fara, come back home.
I was just lying on the bed, reading some of Storm's text messages to me last week―the day I left him. I also had a lot of missed calls from him.
I missed him so bad! His laugh, his voice, his smell, the warmth of his hands every time he held me, the way he stared at me, the way he scolded me, and the way he cared about me - I missed everything about him.
It had been a week when I moved to Europe. I just kept myself distant from other people. I felt so lonely in this room. My body was getting weak because depression was killing me slowly.
My phone beeped, and I saw Dad's name on my phone's screen that was wet with my tears. I opened his message.
Dad
+4989****8018
1:43 PM
Storm already signed the annulment paper.
I felt so weak all of a sudden that I dropped my hand on the bed before I ended up throwing my phone onto the wall with all my remaining strength. I began to cry out loud. I almost couldn't breathe. I hit the pillow, the headboard, the bed - I wanted to hit everything!
Naisubsob ko na lang ang mukha ko sa kama kalaunan. I weakly punched the bed with my closed fist and tightly closed my eyes, remembering my memories with Storm... How he made me feel so precious and loved... How he made me realize my wrong thoughts about life.
This is what you want, Fara, isn't it?! I yelled in my mind.
I thought it was just as easy for me to let go as what I did to Sam. I never thought that it was painful than I'd ever thought. It hurts so bad! It f*cking hurts!
I just couldn't accept that he signed the annulment paper - he was no longer my husband and I was no longer his wife. Our marriage was finally over.
The room was filled with cries of sorrow and regret.