Ethan
She seemed so worried.. like she knew what was going to happen..
"Okay." she was smiling but I could see that she was nervous.. I interlocked her hand with mine and went out to the backyard with her not waisting a second because I knew I would change my mind if too much time would pass and if I would change my mind.. things would get worse and I would get crazy...
We sat down and she saw how worried I was so she cupped my face with her beautiful hands and I asked myself if I was going to feel this warmth ever again after what I was going to do... "Is everything okay, moon?"
I knew it would break her heart... I would break her heart.
Even the fact that she just called me moon in this situation made it so difficult for me..
"No.. it's not.." I said and this wasn't a lie.. she furrowed her eyebrows..
"What happened?" I could see how much she was caring..
"I...have to tell you something..."
She raised a brow while I felt like my whole stomach would make a world tour. How could I tell her what was going through my head?
"Something I've been hiding for too long.." I continued and she slowly backed off.. she seemed confused and even more worried. I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"All the nights.. I came home so late.. all the time I left you alone in the middle of the day.. and now that present.." I slowly came to the point and my blood pressure was so high.. "It wasn't something I ordered for Josh.."
It seemed like she was scared of what I was going to say.. she was confused and a little pissed because I lied to her.. she could already assume what I was going to say but she didn't want to give it a possibility.. I could see that she was fighting with the thought of believing it or not..
"W- What are you trying to say..?" she asked with a shaking voice. I took a deep breath.
"I cheated.."
I said it so slowly.. so carefully like I was afraid she would freak out or get me wrong or I could break her and yes.. I was doing all of these things to her in that moment..
Her jaw dropped and she furrowed her eyebrows..
"Oh come on!" she bursted out in laughter and my stomach dropped again.. "You got me!" she almost screamed not being able to control herself.
She didn't want to believe me because she didn't give it a possibility. She knew our bond was so strong and that I loved her too much to do something like that...
"Now tell me what's really bothering you!" she said and looked into my eyes.
"What I said was..." a lie. "True.."
I needed to get myself back together.. I was confused too. I didn't know how I should keep this going..
She sighed. "This is a prank, right?"
I felt that she began to realize how serious this was.. I could see the panic in her face that she was trying to hide because she was aware of it..
"You didn't cheat.. you could never.."
I looked down and let her hand go. That was probably the most painful thing I've ever done because it felt so real even tho I didn't nothing that should make her hate me.. he didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve a man who couldn't protect her and who was going to make her feel worth less..
"I've been loving someone else these days.."
I could see the tears in her eyes after these words..
"This is a joke right? Tell me you're messing with me.."
I shook my head. Actually I was a pro at lying but when it came to lying to her... I lost all my skills.
"That can't be.. I don't believe you.. everything was alright just five minutes ago! What happened..?"
I got ready for the biggest lie ever.
"That package.. was from her.. it stressed me out so I smelled you hair to remind myself that I have you and that I need to stop betraying you.. but you don't smell like her.." I finished my sentence not looking into her eyes and when I did look up into her eyes.. I saw the tears that rolled down her cheeks.
"So you're serious?"
I was trying so hard not to cry but she was making it so difficult for me...
I nodded and looked back down at my own hands since I clenched my fists... I could hear her sobbing. "Since when..?" she asked almost whispering and I took a deep breath.. "Two weeks after your birthday.."
I hated myself more than I hated that fucking bastard because I knew this was going to hurt her on another level.. I didn't even have the guts to look at her until she said "Ethan you can't be serious! Two weeks after my birthday? Did you only use me?"
She sounded so hurt and the fact that she thought I was using her to please my own needs.. almost killed me..
"You can't just love the fuck out of me and leave me then! You can't just show me another world only to take it away from me! You can't act like I didn't mean something to you and it was so easy to replace me!" she was crying so hard that she could barely talk.. she could barely breathe... I said nothing.
"Please say something! Tell me that this isn't true! Tell me that you're just messing with me! Please you already scared me enough!"
I bit my lower lip in pain.. She was literally begging and there was nothing I could do about it.. I was only doing this for her.. only because I was panicking and I knew I wouldn't forgive myself for things that would happen.
She grabbed my wrist and said "Come on Ethan!" the pain in her red eyes.. her broken voice that cracked..
"Say something.."
I knew I needed to say something and I hated what I was going to say... I hated that I was going to look straight into her eyes and say something that would destroy her trust towards me completely. I hated that I handles too fast while I was panicking..
"I don't love you anymore.."
I noticed how she stopped breathing..
"What happened to moon and sun?" her husky voice cracked again and so did my heart.. she stood up when I didn't answer so I ran my hand over my face... "Please.. just leave.."
I hated myself. I was doing this for her but I was only hurting her and myself.. I hated that I didn't have enough time to think about another solution..
I couldn't look at her. I couldn't take the lies that I said back. She would've hated me for doing this all anyway..
Y/n
I ran upstairs with a blurry vision before he could say anything else.I didn't want to hear a word. He didn't need to tell me to leave..
My eyes were already swollen. My heart was aching. I was dying. I wasn't sure if I should believe him or not but he definitely wanted to break up with me. He wanted me to leave. He decided to break my heart no matter if what he said was true or not. I don't know why and maybe I was never going to find out but he broke my fucking heart and I wasn't going to forgive him that because if hat he said was true, he did the same thing that Matt did and he hurt me a lot with that.. I couldn't even realize it because it was happening too fast...
What did I expect? I fell in love with an asshole...
I packed my stuff except my clothes just like I did it as I left my moms house. so it felt like a huge deja vu and didn't even know if I got everything since I could barely see anything because of my tears. I couldn't stop sobbing and it felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest with their bare hands.. I couldn't breath.
I ran back downstairs straight towards the front door without looking after him and as I almost reached the door I heard his voice what made my heart stop..
"Here.. don't forget that."
I turned around to him.
Ethan
Her eyes were so red and the way she looked at me hurt like all my bones were breaking.. I knew she would never forgive me but I had to that. If I would tell her the truth she would freak out and try to help me but I would never allow her to help us again. Maybe I was going to be able to explain her everything one day..
Y/n
He handed me the keys of the car he gave me on my birthday... my heart broke into another million pieces because I thought he was going to tell me that it was all a joke and that he got me good.. I just hated myself because I was still hoping..
I rushed outside after I gave him a death stare.
I didn't want to know anything about it. I didn't want to know with who, where or how. I didn't want to know anything about it. I just couldn't believe it.. he cheated on me.. he did the same thing that Matt did.. with a random woman.. while I was staying at home waiting for him all the time and thinking of all the things I could tell him, do with or to him.. he was out there fucking another girl.. while I was feeling more for him with every second he was feeling less for me with every second..
I just got into that fucking car and drove off that damn place.. I don't even know where I was planning on going to... I was just driving very fast with the hope that I would land somewhere else than there or just die.
The cold wind blew through my hair and dried my tears when I opened the window with hope of getting some air. My whole world fell apart. I knew it was dangerous to drive like this with a blurred vision and suicidal thoughts but I couldn't care less. I needed to calm down and rethink what just happened. It all.. this huge thing ended so easily.. I was so easy to be replaced...
All I was asking myself was.. why? How? Why did he break up with me? Did he meet someone who was prettier than me? More experienced, more mature, more educated or hotter? How wasn't I enough again even tho I tried my best? I failed again. I was nothing else than a waste of time for him.. he used me for the mission.. used me to please him.. to have fun.. only to drop me after finding someone else who was going to the same things only even better.. thats how it was. It was that easy..
The sun blended me and I clenched my jaw.. suddenly I felt my blood boiling, I felt like I was going to explode.. so I looked at the sun.. "Fuck you.."
I hated the sun. I hated the moon. It was all fake. It meant nothing. I thought it would mean something to him but it obviously didn't..
These thoughts were killing me.. word for word..
He told me that it wouldn't matter how young I am... he promised me to love me forever.. he promised me that he would never love someone else more than me. I knew it.. I would never be good enough for him.. never for someone like him. Remember? No matter how hard you try.. what you do.. how much time and love you invest.. it'll never be enough. You do everything for everyone but you never get something back, right? I just wasted my time with loving someone who didn't deserve it. If I would have known that it would end like this... god I knew it but I really believed in him and tried to convince myself otherwise. Did I really see a future with a guy like him?
But this couldn't be the end.. I knew there was something else behind this all because the way he used to look at me was something I felt deep inside of my heart.. it wasn't fake...
All I wanted to know was the real reason. Why did he wanted to break up with me so much that he broke my heart in this way? If he really cheated.. why? He needed to give me a reason... tell me if I've done something wrong.. but he didn't.. and that fucked me up.
Josh
I drove as fast as I could after Maria called me and told me that Ethan was freaking out. She didn't tell me why but she said that y/n left and that it was a serious emergency. That made me worry.. well it almost made me panic.
When I arrived with a million thoughts running through my head I ran straight inside and heard a girl scream what made my heart race. I ran to the kitchen since the noises were coming from there and my jaw dropped at what I saw..
Ethan was standing in front of me with blood running out off his nose...
"Bro?..."
He was breaking everything around him and breathing fast like a beast.
"I COULDN'T STOP HER TEARS! I DIDN'T EVEN TRY!" he hit the glass table with both of his fists. It shattered into thousand pieces.. His hands began to bleed and I was shocked.. "DUDE STOP!" I screamed panicking and walked towards him quickly to stop him but I was afraid of touching him since he seemed like he would destroy everything that would cross his way.
I've never seen him like that. "I MADE HER CRY! I LIED!" he hit his head against the wall. and I held my breath. I couldn't even concentrate what he was talking about but I knew it was really bad.
"I DON'T DESERVE HER!" I've never even seen him crying.. well not like that.. he was out of his mind.. the girls left the kitchen after I gave them a sign. I tried to stop him but he tried to shake me off..
"MARIA CALL JAMES AND JASON!" I screamed. I couldn't handle that alone.
"I MADE HER BELIVE SHE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH!"
He wanted to hit his head against the wall again but I stopped him. I felt so bad for him and I wished I could've done something for him..
"ETHAN STOP! EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!"
He destroyed the whole kitchen with his bare anger and I was asking myself where that anger was coming from.. as much as I understood he did something bad and y/n left. That was worse than bad. Something between them happened and he was guilty.. he was freaking out because he hurt her.. he really did what he was considering that day..
Then I heard the boys coming. Not only James and Jason.. the whole crew came..