June 17, 2005
Last week I made my way to the band house only to find it to be covered in rubbish again. So I cleaned it.
I didn't mind cleaning the band house every once in a while, but it was annoying that I cleaned it so often.
And I know it wasn't my job to clean it, but their house was genuinely in unlivable condition. I was afraid if I left, one of them would get lost, or worse, Zukie would get lost.
Today the boys didn't have any interviews or rehearsals, which even I was happy about, because I swear, if I had a dime every time one of the boys said, 'we can't tell you yet' to an interviewer I would be richer than them.
And they're rich.
Liam was apartment shopping today. I was happy he was finding his own place, because I love him, but I didn't want him to move in. This was my first relationship, anyway.
The boys said they wanted to go out for lunch today, and they graciously invited me, to which, of course, I complied. I love spending time with the boys outside of work.
I made my way up their steps and rang the doorbell. I didn't hear an answer, but I heard some music blaring from inside so I opened the unlocked door.
As soon as I stepped inside the lyrics of Don't Stop Me Now by Queen were blaring so loud I could've gone deaf. Suddenly, Dougie and Tom Zoomed passed me on skateboards and into the living room. I made my way into the living room to find the couch, turned over with empty pizza boxes on top.
Danny and Harry then popped up from behind the couch, screaming a war cry, and fired paintballs passed me. I instantly ducked and covered my head.
I found my way to the speakers and unplugged it quickly.
"Hey." Harry said.
"That's enough!" I cry as Dougie and a Tom zoom in on their skateboards. "Boys, I clean your house every week, and I get it, you're not going to make your bed everyday or always do your dishes, but you can't keep dirtying the place until the point that it's unsuitable for humans to live in!"
"We didn't ask you to clean it Lilly. We're fine living like this." Harry said.
"I know you didn't ask me, Harry, but it's not safe for you to be living here." I say.
"What are you saying?" Danny asks.
"I'm saying that you need to pay for a professional cleaning person to clean the bare necessities." I say.
"A maid?" Harry asks.
"Cleaning person." I correct.
"Fine by me." Tom says. "But we're not hiring her."
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I told Fletch about the situation and he gave me the numbers of some cleaners who have worked with celebrities before. Today I had an appointment with a woman named Kathleen Argodd.
Kathleen came over to mine. I figured the band house was in no condition to have an interview in after last week's incident.
Kathleen was a woman who was probably in her fifties with light brown hair that was tied up in bun. She was a bit taller than me and had dark brown eyes. She looks like a classic mum.
I made us some tea and sat down on the couch across from her.
"So I suppose you've heard of the boys?" I say.
"Yes. My grandchildren love them." She beams.
"The boys are...very kind, but they're teenage boys. They are messy and-"
"Miss. Lilly, I can assure you, it's not an issue. I've cleaned for all types of bands before. The Sugar Babes, Girls Aloud. Even Busted." She said. That made me feel better.
"Well I know James. And...kind of Charlie." I say.
"James is a very nice boy. They all are." She says.
"James doesn't seem that messy though. I've been in his flat." I say.
"Yes. James was never the problem. It was more Matt." She said. "I guess that's obvious now." She says. I remember briefly meeting Matt at New Years, but we didn't really share a conversation.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"He just spent about a month in rehab. Drug and alcohol addiction. Poor boy. Love him to bits. Said he's doing better. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I had to clean up after parties." She says.
I wasn't sure about the boys use of weed anymore, but I was sure if they did still do it, it was less frequent.
"Well, you won't have to worry about that. These are good boys...who never do the dishes and have paintball fights in their house." I say. Ms. Argodd laughs.
"I can take just about anything thrown at me." She smiles.
"Great. Could you do once a week?" I ask.
"Sure. Would Wednesday mornings work?" She asks.
"Yes, perfect! The boys will be paying you as well, so I'm sure that whatever works for you will work for them." I say.
"Sounds wonderful." She said, standing up and walking towards the door.
"Thank you Ms. Argodd." I say.
"Please dear, call me Kathleen." She says. What a relief.
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Kathleen came the next week to clean the house. She said that she needed at least one person at the house, so I sent the boys to the studio and told them I would meet up with them after Kathleen left. They left me with the money to pay her.
I sat on the porch reading emails for about half an hour enjoying the English summer until Kathleen barged outside.
"Lillian!" She screamed. I jumped up from my seat. I haven't been called Lillian for years. "That house is disgusting. I, by no terms, agreed to this!"
"Kathleen-"
"It's Ms. Argodd to you. I quit!" She exclaimed, walking to her car, slamming the door and speeding off.
I was shocked. What could have happened in the last thirty minutes? I mean, I knew the house was gross, but even I could handle it, and she was a professional cleaner.
I walked inside. Was she outraged by the babe wave? Possibly.
But it seemed that was not the case, finding that the living room was all cleaned.
I made my way up to the bedrooms. I doubt she found weed in any of their rooms, and even if she did, she had handled it with Matt. Plus, Dougie warned her of his Lizards, which were the cleanest part of the whole house. I checked all the boys rooms, but it seemed that none of them had actually been cleaned.
I made my way down to the kitchen the fridge was left open and there were some clean plates and forks laying in piles about the counters.
Maybe she found some moldy pizza. But everyone has moldy food once in a while. It couldn't have scared her off like that.
I sighed and went into the kitchen to close the refrigerator. I just didn't understand.
I would have to finish the job today until we could find another cleaner. I saw some paper towels with cleaning product on them and decided to start there by cleaning them out. I picked them up and made my way over to the bin, where I noticed the top was off.
And in the bin, was what made Kathleen leave.
The bin was filled with maggots and cockroaches, crawling around over old pieces of delivery pizza.
I never took the rubbish out when i cleaned the band house because I figured, at least they did that.
I was wrong.
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I did the most thorough cleaning of the house after finding bugs in the bin.
I cleaned under the boys beds, did laundry, washed all the dishes and put them away, mopped and dusted.
I finished cleaning at six o'clock and about fifteen minutes later, the boys came home.
"This place looks great!" Danny exclaimed, walking through the door. I didn't turn to face them. Maybe it was foolish, but I was a bit angry.
"Kathleen did a great job. She's a keeper!" Tom exclaimed. I then got up from my seat and walked up to great the boys. They looked at me, smiling, as if expected me to agree.
"Ms. Argodd did not clean your house." I say.
"What?" Harry asks.
"Ms. Argodd did not clean your house." I repeat. "I did."
"Why?" Danny asks.
"Because your house is rank and she quit." I say. "You don't take out your rubbish."
"You do." Harry laughs, but Dougie elbows him in the gut.
"No Harry, I don't. No one does and that's why there were maggots in it." I say.
"Gross!" Danny exclaims.
"I know." I say. I didn't even have the energy to show I was mad.
"We're sorry Lil." Dougie said.
"Really sorry." Harry agreed.
"It's fine." I say. "You don't have to clean your house, just please, please...take out the rubbish." I say and they nod.
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