Little More- Part 1
April 5, 2016
2:30 P.M.
Armani (POV)
I've been trying to wake up for hours and I won't stop until my eyes open up.
The twitching throughout my body wouldn't be stopping anytime soon since those seizures damaged parts of my nervous system and caused my liver to collapse. Thankful it recovered though.
I was scared of who I may look like after this, I was scared that when I woke up August won't be able to love me anymore- he won't see beautiful anymore when he looks at me. He'll only see battered and bruised, only see puss filled skin swollen beyond recognition. What if he sees me and no longer wanted to 'repay' me. I already feel hideous so just imagine what I actually look like on the outside. What if I'm a monster?
I heard the click of the door being opened and knew someone was entering my new room.
They decided to move to another location since the whole family had come to see me and the only way to get them to leave was to get me a bigger room so they could fit more than two people in at a time.
Even though I couldn't move or see, I was still using my other senses to help me figure out what was going on.
From the sound of the shoes coming towards me I could tell that it was the doctor coming my way. I could confirm that once I got a good whiff of his fragrance he was wearing. From the sound of it, he was fiddling with some machine over the top of my head.
"Hey nurse Jones?" He called out to the nurse that I've also become familiar with, "Take this tube out, she's breathing on her own."
"She is?!" She asked surprised as her shoes squeaked against the marble floor.
"Yes ma'am," He confirmed, and I could just hear the proudness in his deep voice, "It's only a matter of time now."
"Wow.....that's amazing, I'm sure the family will be pleased with this news."
"They certainly should be."
"And what about her....,"
"Just like it's mother, it amazingly survived against all odds. Every wall was stacked up against these two and they have clearly broken every last one of them. That little guy or gal in there is a fighter too- just like the rest of the family out there."
After hearing those words I tuned the rest of their conversation out. None of the rest mattered because what they just said made me shake with happiness and overwhelming joy. My child, me and August's child, has survived. My little unborn and unformed child already knew the definition of fight and hadn't even seen the light of day. This feeling that was coming over me wasn't just happiness, it wasn't only joy, this feeling was proudness. Proud that my baby is here to grow another day inside me. The life that me and August created had survived and is still fighting with me as we speak.
I have something of my own, this being inside of me is mine. It's my possession that no one can ever take away from me or take advantage of.
I am a mother- and a proud one at that.
That's all the more reason to open my eyes right there....
I could feel my body giving in the more I coached myself to wake up, even though the pain is numb now, I know it will be way more intense once I wake up, but I don't care. I'm so close to opening my eyes that I will not stop just because of a little pain.
"Do you think there will be any complications with her pregnancy?"
He sighed deeply, like he was waiting and dreading for that question to be asked, "The only thing that really worries me is her condition. If she lets anything get her back to this point ,or even close to it, there's a strong chance that she could lose the child."
"Yeah," The nurse agreed, "I was thinking that too, but I'm sure she'll be fine. I'm positive that she won't allow herself to get back to this deadly state."
"I agree," The doctor said, " I guess all we have to do now is wait on her and then alert the family."
"Wait, you think she's waking up today?!"
"Of course I do! Did you not see the condition she came to us in, and she's already breathing on her own?! Nurse Jones I can bet you money that Miss Anderson will be up and running before the day is over with."
I can and I will....
"But she-,"
"No buts, she will wake up."He stated confidently," I feel it."
"You always have so much faith." She chuckled removing the tube from my throat, finally allowing my lungs to exercise their right to collect the oxygen I needed.
"Wouldn't be here without it."
"Amen to that."
The room grew silent once they left out. I was there still having a war within myself and I wouldn't stop until the half of me that wanted to stay in this sleep induced state lost the damn battle. I refuse to stay in this coma a minute longer, everyone is waiting for me, everyone needs me. I can't allow my family to shed another tear over me when I have the power to cease them from falling. Instead of making them cry tears of sadness I can make them cry tears of life; I have to wake up.
"Armani?"
I was so focused on waking up that I didn't even hear her come through the door. Her voice was raspy, and the fact she was talking so hoarse let me know that she cried all night and most likely gave Chris hell.
She was like me in so many ways that it was scary. When she hurts or is feeling vulnerable she pushes everyone away so they won't be able to see her at a weak point. That's how it is when you have hurt souls, we gaurd ourselves. We know how it is to feel real pain and we don't want to feel that again, we don't wanna hit rock bottom again. We have to protect the little we have let. So, we push every potentially good person away; in our head they're not really good, they just play that hero role to get inside your heart and once inside tear it to shreds.
We think that way because we're scared, we don't do it by choice, that's just the way it is.
"I-I don't know if you can hear me-,"
I hear you Jazmine...
"But um, I really would like for you to wake up and-and just open your eyes for me MoMo, I can't do this without you...... you're my best friend."She stuttered, something she always did when she cried," And um, I been- I been praying." She mumbled,"I prayed for you y'all Armani, I prayed and it-and it felt good!"She said releasing a sigh of what sounded like relief.
To hear her say she prayed for me had me in a shocked state, you see Jazmine didn't pray. Years ago something happened to her and after the traumatic ordeal she was upset, so upset that she questioned if God loved her. She became angry with him. She of course still loved him, she was just angry.
"I prayed sis, I prayed and it felt so good. I prayed for Kali and-and you and me and for August to be okay. I prayed for hope and that every-everybody finds them a small piece of it to hold onto while we go through this."
"I-I tried to come see you three time before this, but every-everytime I chickened out," She spoke as she started to cry harder, "I just don't like this, I'm not u-use to this MoMo. It's so hard seeing you like this, and watching Chris and August cry like this is-is-is, it's killing me Mani! I need you here! Everybody need- needs y'all here!"
I need y'all too...
"I can't even express the impact y'all have had on every single body sit- sitting in that damn waiting room," Her voice roared, it was so determined that my eyes were fighting to see the bright light that hung above me. "They need y'all, I need y'all, we all need y'all! So wake yo' ass up and fight for us! Fight for yourself! Fight for your life and wake up!" She screeched abruptly standing to her feet.
I will wake up for them, I have too! If I have to coach myself to wake up until I'm blue from exhaustion then I will. I will tell myself to push until I see the faces of everyone I love. I will wake up. I will fight! I know I can do it; with every breath I take I'm telling myself to wake up. I feel my heart jolt with electricity and anxiousness to see the world again.
Fight Mani!
"Baby you good in here?"
Fight Mani!
"I know you hear me, baby girl we all here waiting. So wake up!" She yelled hitting the side of my bed.
Fight Mani!
"Jazmine calm down! Stop before we get put out!"
Mani...Fight! Fight you can do it! You're almost there!
"Get off me Chris! Sis we love you sis, so by the grace of God getcho' ass up and FIGHT!"
I can do this! I know I can do this! I want to see my family! I wanna see my baby grow! I wanna see my Auggie Pooh. I wanna live! I just... gotta... fucking.........Fight!!!!
Looking around the room I immediately rose up, despite the pain coursing through me, and began to cough up my lungs. In my blurry peripheral vision I seen Jazmine take a few steps back as Chris stood to the side with his mouth wide open, both of them just staring at me in complete awe. Being able to actually move and see and not be trapped in a prison built inside of me had my heart swelling with relief. The brim of my eyes were filling with tears, but not from the coughing, but with the happiness taking over me. I'm awake and I'm here with all my loved ones yet again.
I'm-we're back, and we're never leaving again...
"Jazmine she woke up cause of you,"Chris smiled obliviously excited that I was awake,"You got a gift man."He joked.
"Chris shut the fuck up and get her some water! Mani, sis, look at me." She called grabbing my face as tears steamed down hers,"You're-You're awake, you're really awake."
"I.....came back......I came back.....ta' y'all." My raspy voice coughed out.
Smiling widely through her tears she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me into her warm embrace.
"I-I knew, I knew you would come through, I knew you would come through MoMo."
I wrapped my aching arms around her shaking frame and cried right along with her.
Chris soon came back in the room with a bottle of water and a doctor rushing in behind him. I gulp the drink down in three swigs, but still my throat was sore and semi shut. I still felt a great amount of pain, but it wasn't as great as it was when I first came here, so that only meant the medicine they gave me was doing me some good. I figured they couldn't do much, since there was a child inside of me, so the little that could do was still greatly appreciated.
"Miss Anderson you're-you're up, you scared us." He chuckled a bit, "We thought you weren't gonna make it when we seen you."
"But I just knew you would make it." He smiled at me.
"Can you move?" Chris asked receiving a head shake from me.
I could move a little, but I refuse to push myself any further than what I already have. I would hate to have a relapse episode, I'm already twitching like I'm on drugs.
Plus I have a life inside of me that I have to keep safe — can't risk hurting my little baby boy.
"Well you just woke up and on top of that you have your wombs and your condition is also rendering you from moving at the moment, so give it a good hour or seven before you do any major movements alright."
"O-Okay."
"Good! I'll be right back with your medication and give you more details on the steps and procedures you'll have to take to get better," He smiled again, "Welcome back Miss. Anderson."
Once he exited the room Jazmine carefully sat my body down on the pillow that Chris had just fluffed for me and stepped back with her hands cupping her smiling lips.
"I can't believe this, I'm- I'm speechless," She beamed, hands still covering her pearly whites.
"C'mere man!" Chris yelled pulling me into a hug,"Don't ever do that shit again, don't do that to us again Armani, I swear to God dude."
"I-I won't Chrissy."
"I love you Armin."
"I luh' you too Christina."
Pulling away from me, he allowed Jazmine to reclaim her spot on my bed, laying her head on my chest and arms around my waist.
"Best friends?"
"Fa'...fa'eva and a day."
"For now..."
"And until da' end of our days."
"I'll never run and I'll never hide."
"When you hurt...and you cry,"
"I'll be right thea' wit' da' same wet eyes."
"You got my back,"
"And I got yours."
"You my best friend this year,"
"And fa' many more."
I felt her cheek bones rise against my chest as we finished our little poem. She gripped my waist tighter as a stream of wetness started to collide into my chest, "I-I love you Mo'."
I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her as best I could, "I luh' you..... too Jaz."
"Man let me call my boy up, he finna fuck the road up getting back to you." Chris grinned taking out his phone. Placing it on the counter next to my bed and hitting speaker phone, we all waited as the ring came through the receiver. A few seconds later and that thick New Orleans voice was gracing my ears.
"Helluh."
My heart just skipped ten beats at the sound of his voice alone.
Hearing his low grumbling accent let me know my baby was tired and had been up all night and day waiting for some type of news.
"Aye bruh, I got some I want you to hear."
"What is it?" He asked tiredly as if every ounce of energy and life was drained out of him.
But I was so anxious to hear his voice again that I took it upon myself to lift my body off the pillow and reach out for the phone.
Chris gladly placed it in my twitching hand and help me sit up a bit more in the bed, while Jazmine stood up beside the bed right next to him — both of them ready to hear Aug's reaction.
"Chris? Bro you thea'?"
I coughed as I tried to get my heart rate under control and control my excitement at the same time.
"Chris you good bruh? Wazzam wit'cha?"
"Bay-beh.."
The line went dead- literally dead. It was so quiet that I thought he must have hung up or dropped the phone or-or something, because nothing could be heard.......that is until I heard the screeching of tires in the background and my yelling nieces.
"Uncle August slow down!"Kay yelled,"You gone kill us!"
"TeeTee Mani woke up!" He retorted.
I heard a muffled sound in the background and soon heard their screams of happiness ringing my ears off the side of my head.
"............What da- why you drivin' so slow, hurry up! Hurry up Unc'!" She yelled again.
"Ma' love, baybeh girl you still thea'?!" He sniffled.
"Y-Yes.."
The sigh of relief he just let out melted my heart. He was holding on to a breath that he could finally release just from hearing my voice. His cries were ones of love and hope. My baby! My love! He was waiting for me and I won't be coming back empty handed either. I have a whole nother life to share with him, one that he help conceive. So in other words, I guess you could say- I now owe him, just as much as he owes me.
"I'm-I'm on my way, we commin' baybeh. I'm commin' fa' you, ok? I luh' you so much Armani Mo'Nique Anderson. Th-Thank you God. Thank you God!" He yelled excitedly, and I could just picture that smile on his boyish face.
"My nigga finna make me cry bruh."
"Me too." Jazmine agreed dabbing her eyes.
I smiled at them and returned my focus back to the phone in my hand. A few of my tears splashing onto the screen, but they were the least of my concern right now — my family, my Kali, and my baby was. Through everything, they were there. They cared about me more than my real family ever did. They brought me brothers and sisters and nieces and cousins that loved and accepted me as their blood. I had a family that I could lean on or go to for support and a piece of mind. I didn't have to run from them, or hide from them, or be scared that they would hurt me; they loved me. And for that reason alone, I fought to come back to them.
And to think all this started with a broken girl, a walking guardian angel, and just one cold night in the N.O.
"I'm waitin'..... on you bay-baybeh boy."
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That's it til next time I guess. Hopefully y'all enjoyed.
Kml and don't ask me 'why I'm still mad' no more....that's a dumb ass question.
Bye✌
*2018 update: Brooooo who did it man?!😂😂😂 who had me this maaaaad!!!!*