sister ー jjk

the one with the poker face

You took a sharp breath in when he interrupted you, breaking the mindset before you got a chance to let it fester and ruin this talk.

"I get it… I know I acted out of shock. I'm sorry I scared you." Jungkook said genuinely.

"Just don't do it again, okay?" He nodded quickly, seeing your lip tremble the slightest bit.

The poker face that had been perfected over years cracked for a split second and Jungkook didn't believe his eyes that he had caught the glimpse of it. 

"I want you to know that I'd never hurt you, like physically, I think I've already hurt you emotionally…"

"And just a tad mentally" you added as a joke to yourself, a sinister one at that.

He scratched his head, eyes low knowing you actually meant it, just using it to cope with the situation.

"I want to listen to your reasons why, all your reasons why," he inhaled heavily, "you don't want the child…"

This was hard for him.

He had always wanted children, a little boy and a little girl. Hearing that he was going to have one lit up his life for a moment before it all came crashing down with the news that his girlfriend didn't want any. Neither. None. Nil.

He had assumed she meant ever and that would drill a hole in their relationship, their romance, their future. He hadn't even thought about being too young, or too famous. He didnt think like that, he went off emotions, not logic. That's what made him and y/n an amazing pair, they could bounce off of each other's highs and lows. After Namjoon managed to sit him down a few days after his intervention with the guys, Jungkook finally realised how wrong he had done. Namjoon explained it all, calmly and simply. All that y/n had different beliefs, goals, wants, needs, values, ideals, plans and fears.

Jungkook now understood that he had scared her enough to possibly end their relationship. Namjoon had even questioned Jungkook. He asked what Jungkook would have done if she had told them while they were alone.

Jungkook couldn't answer.

He knew at that point that he had let his emotions get to him in the worst possible moment. No rationality, only shock, anger and grief had controlled him. He didnt know what he would have done.

Would he have screamed at her until she was cowering from him? Would he have hurt her until she was crying on the floor? Would he have scared her until she ran, ran away from him forever? 

"First of all, we aren't married-" You said quickly, getting on track.

"I'll propose to you right now if that's what you want-"

"No. I don't want to get married yet and that would only earn you a no if you were to propose just for me not to do what I want with my own body and blood. That's just low Jungkook." Your sentences came out too fast and you couldn't tell if it made proper sense but you knew it got the message across.

"It wouldn't-"

"You said you'd listen to all my reasons Kook, you can't just stop after the first one." Jungkook swallowed his words and shut up.

"Secondly, we're too young in my opinion. I'm finally in a comfortable place in my career and you are at the peak of yours. That means while you're away from weeks to months on end, I'd be the one having to raise it. I don't want to raise it myself because I'd have to give up so much time and effort to do so." 

"We could get a nanny-" he stopped talking once you gave him a glare.

He now stayed silent, sensing there was still more to come.

"Thirdly, and this one isn't as major but it should still be considered. Overpopulation and pollution are so damaging to our world. Having a baby at the moment would make me feel as if I'm personally responsible for adding to the problems. If anything I'd much rather adopt. It's like if you get a pet, you should go to a breeder as a last choice. You should always look to adopt a pet rather than buy one so that you save a life rather than add another."

"So you want to adopt rather than have a child of our own creation? You don't want to ever have your own child?" You knew his questions weren't meant to be offensive to you, only entirely genuinely curious, but being a lawyer you almost took it as an attack.

You had to take a few deep breaths before replying.

"I'm not saying that I never want a child of my, or our, own. In a few years, maybe when we live together and get a pet and prove we can take care of each other with an additional entity, then i'd consider having a child of my own." He nodded in acknowledgement and went to speak but you beat him to it.

He smiled shyly, happy that he was wrong about you never wanting a child.

"I also don't want my body to change, I've only just began to feel beautiful in my own skin, do you know what having a baby would do to my body?"

Jungkook just sat there awkwardly, he didn't really know what it would do to her body. 

"It would hurt me Jungkook… Not even just the giving birth bit. I already throw up randomly from morning sickness. My stomach is bigger. My legs and back randomly ache. And I'm only 7 weeks in…" You dropped the sentence for a minute.

You wanted to say how scared and stressed you were but knew that it could wait.