Chapter 53

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“Skylar wake up.” I heard Luke’s voice.

I opened my eyes turning around facing Luke as he was wide eyed.

“were you crying?” He said with his hands on my cheek.

I moved his hand away and wiped my dry tears and got up getting my bags noticing we landed.

“Skylar…” Luke whispered but I walked off the plane with Daniel.

“You okay kiddo?” Daniel asked me.

“I’m fine.” I said bluntly.

The whole gang was in the airport as I was avoiding Luke as I could feel his eyes staring into my soul.

“Let’s get something to eat.” Felicity broke the awkward tension and we walked into Starbucks as I grabbed myself a coffee.

“You okay?” Felicity asked me.

“I’m fine.” I repeated myself.

----

We all reached home and I didn’t talk to anyone as I was upset, and angry, and also felt alone.

I was the first one to get in the house and go straight into the basement and flop on my bed letting all of my pain out that I have been holding since the whole flight.

I cried, and cried and cried, I don’t even know what the time is right now.

I got up and looked in my bag and forgot I didn’t even have my diary great. I pulled out the one Luke got me and opened it up and wrote in it.

I’m fucking worthless, somehow faith finds a way to make me feel so alone, so broken, in pain, and never happy. For a second I thought my life could be normal, like a normal 18 year olds. No messed up family, no pain, no depression, no lies, just fun, and happiness but I was wrong, I can’t live life how a normal teenager can, I’m a freak, I’m screwed up.

I got up crawling to my bed grabbing the box that contains the blade. I picked it up looking at it and taking a deep breath getting ready for the pain to get released.

It got in contacted with my wrists as I was about to put pressure on it but felt someone grab my hand taking the blade away from me.

I looked up seeing Luke with a disappointed look on his face.

“Give me that back.” I said sternly.

“No, why are you hurting yourself, you promised you will stop.” He said.

“Oh don’t talk about promises, as we all know you can’t keep one.” I said.

“I said I was sorry, and I told you I wouldn’t lie again.” He said.

“But you did! Right in my face saying you were fine and that everything was fine but everything is not, I know I’m getting hate, and a lot of it on Twitter, you could of just told me instead of hiding it from me!” I shouted.

“If I told you, you would’ve been doing this!” He shouted back putting the blade in front of my face.

“I wouldn’t be if I knew my boyfriend was able to believe in me knowing I can handle it, and wouldn’t be a weak girl who just cuts all the time, oh well silly be I can’t handle it, I am a weak girl, I do cut all the time, in your eyes!” I shouted back tears falling down my eyes.

“Skylar you know I don’t think like that, you just chose to think the way you think I think about you, and you are totally wrong. I love you because you are a brave strong, beautiful girl and I know you keep trying and never give up.” He said.

“Then why couldn’t you trust me.” I said.

“Because I was scared, you finally were happy and I didn’t want to ruin it.” He said.

He broke the blade in half as I began crying more.

“You don’t need to do this.” He said.

“Yes I do.” I replied.

“Hit me.” He said.

I looked at him confused.

“I’m not hitting you.” I said.

“Hit me, or I’ll use this half of the blade and cut my wrist right in front of you.” He said.

I just looked at him.

“Show me that you aren’t worthless, you aren’t a fake, you aren’t ugly, you aren’t weak.” He said.

I was looking at his chest as I stepped closer just punching his chest crying.

“I’m not fucking worthless.” I punched his chest.

“I’m not weak.” I punched again.

I kept punching and punching as tears were just falling down my cheeks.

“I’m perfect.” I stopped punching as caught my breath hearing myself over and over again.

“I’m perfect.” I whispered.

I looked up seeing Luke smiling at me and embraced me as I hugged him back smiling.

“I’m perfect Luke.” I said.

“Yes, you are.” He said kissing the top of my head.

“Thank you.” I mumbled to him.

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you too.” I said looked up at him and tippy toeing to kiss his lips which I reached.

He lifted me off the ground so I wrapped my legs around his waist not parting from the kiss.

My hands were in his hair pulling on it gently, as his were at the back of my thighs.

He walked us over to the bed as he gently placed my back on the mattress as he hovered over me, still kissing.

He began kissing along my jaw down my neck.

I felt him sucking on my weak spot on my neck which caused me to giggle as he looked up at me smiling.

“Sorry that tickled.” I said covered my mouth.

He chuckled and began sucking on it leaving a mark and kissing it softly making his way back to my lips as we began making out.

“Let’s go to bed now.” I mumbled in the kiss.

He pulled apart nodding and smiling as he left small kisses all over my face.

“Beautiful.” He said kissing my forehead and rolling beside me taking off his shirt as I got up to change into a new pair of pajamas.

I got ready for bed as I flopped down next to him snuggling into him.

“Goodnight.” I said to him.

“Goodnight.” He said putting the blanket over us.

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