chapter 14 - I went away for months until our paths crossed again

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Wrote: 20th September 2014

Edited: 11th august 2015

*Archie (Ooo)*

It's been around two days at the most since Harry left Niall here, he went back home, good thing too Gemma was back, so I haven't talked to him but Niall hasn't been worse.

He doesn't eat.

He doesn't sleep, and when he does it's like an hour then he goes back to sobbing and wishing he'd never done it in the first place.

He doesn't talk much, it's only 'yes' 'no' or 'go away, you're not him' it's kinda hurtful seeing him like this. He's never been this depressed, he hides away in his room all day and night. I just hope he hasn't hurt himself anymore, when the hate got bad he harmed himself and then stopped when Harry came around, and he'd never seemed happier.

I get up to go make him eat something, I walk to his room and silently open the door. I carefully shut it and it's pitch black in here, but he's always loved the dark. He doesn't know I'm here.

"Please come back," he whispers and it makes my heart hurt, "please," I just, He's never been so broken.

"Niall.. you need to eat something," I say quietly and it doesn't startle him, he just sighs in between his sobs and starfishes in his bed, cuddling on to one of the memory foam pillows.

"This pillow isn't as soft as he was," he sobs loudly and cries into the pillow.

"Niall.. you can't keep doing this, it's been two days. He's probably the same way, come on.. please eat," I practically beg him, he just sobs and well the least I can do is try to comfort him. I walk over to the bed and gently rub his back.

"I just- I-I, I just wanna s-see him one more time," he looks up with broken blue eyes, bloodshot and cold, and there's some other emotion I can't pick out in them.. I think it's guilt? Love? Loss?

"One more time?" I ask and he nods.

"That's all I want, it would keep me strong," he sobs and lays his head down on my lap, looking up at me.

"Do you think you love him?"

"I don't know," he sobs and I think to myself as I see the state he's in. I grab his wrist and he winces as it opens the cuts that he's made there again.

"Niall.. what did Harry mean to you? Just for once open your heart and say what it wants,"

"I want Harry back!" He shouts and cries harder into my lap, I gently stroke his hair and wait for him to calm down a little bit from his full on crying.

"What if, I tried to get Harry to come for one more day? One more?" I ask and his saddened features do their best to lighten up at the mention of Harry.

"You would??" He sounds so heartbroken I really don't know what to do with him, he hasn't practised any football and gone to the gym, he's almost deflated.

"I could try, but he probably wouldn't want to see you again," I tell him the truth because no matter how painful it is to hear it, it's the right thing to do.

"I know," he sits up and wipes his eyes.

"I'm sure he feels as bad as you do, you were his idol Niall and you broke his heart," I remind him and he sits there with a broken look on his face as I leave to make him something to eat.


"Could you get me another blanket please Gem?" I told her all about Niall's sleezy experiment with me and trying to have sex with me. That's just. Oh who am I kidding? I'm crying my eyes out non stop!

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