Chapter 45 - He should figure it out while I'm sat here singing

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Harry still loves me, he still wants to be with me, after everything I've made happen to him, he still loves me, and I most definitely love him. I couldn't love anyone ever more than I love Harry, not even my mum. She was an amazing woman but, I couldn't ever love her as much as I love Harry, he's beautiful and flawless and everything I've ever wanted, I just, why did I ever hurt him? Why did I hurt myself? I gave us both pain over a misunderstanding.

He fell asleep again in my arms and I can see how tired he really is, but he looks so skinny, but colour has returned to his face, his peaceful and at rest face, he looks like an angel right now, like he just fell from heaven and he's about to wake up, but he's flat out, so he's not waking anytime soon, but I don't care, he's mine, and still loves me.

The nurse comes in again and looks at Harry then me and gives me a warm smile.

"Is everything between you two ok now dear?" She wonders and I nod, everything is perfect.

"Yeah, he still loves me just as much as he did three months ago, he's just sleeping now," I explain and play with his unwashed hair, which I shall assist him to wash it when we get home.

"That's excellent news. You're allowed to take him home if you wish, but it's up to you, he can stay here for a few more days or go home?" I look down at him and it's clear he needs my help, I got him in this mess, and I can get him out.

"I'll take him home when he wakes up, if that's alright?" I ask her and she nods, before leaving again, I want to just pick him up and carry him away right now but I can't do that, he's too fragile but he's perfect, I want to nurse him back to health again, I want to be the one to be there for him. I didn't do a very good job at first but I'll help him with all my might.

He's a little fighter and I really respect that, he tried to end his life once.. I've tried before. Everything got too much, and I couldn't cope, I just.. emotional pain just ends up a lot of the time as physically self-inflicted pain, I know it's really serious topic to talk about but it's looked down upon as if it's a joke and I don't like that one bit. 

Harry stirs a little but he's only moving naturally in his sleepy state, his head was on my chest, but now he's moved down to my stomach, his hand gripping my top and he sighs cutely then smiles in his sleep, taking a deep inhaled breath of my scent.

"Nialler," he breathes out and hugs me tightly.

"Yes baby?"

"Can we go home?" He's so cute when he first wakes up, his voice is always deeper and it's so cute.

"Yeah, we can.. when you're fully awake, then we can go home.." he sits up with my assistance, but his strength is coming back again, he's just still very weak and maybe a little bit depressed still, but nothing a good ol' dose of spending time with Nialler can't fix, he means everything to me and I scan his body carefully as he lays down again, just relaxing himself, till he is alright to stand up and get up again, I notice his scars down his legs and his wrists and tears form in my eyes.

I did that to him, I've ruined his beautiful skin, his pure body, I ruined him.

"Are you alright Niall?" Harry asks me and I gently stroke his back, taking in every inch of his skin, it's all so soft and calming.

"I hurt you baby, a lot, and I'm really sorry, I never meant to hurt you this much, In fact I never wanted or intended to hurt you, you're too sweet to hurt, I'm so sorry, Harry,"  he smiles up at me softly, his smile is so beautiful, he's just an angel, sent to me from god.

"I'm alright now though Nialler, I have you again."

"You never lost me baby," he smiles widely before leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to my lips, "I love you," I whisper again and again, making sure he knows I do, I really do, more than he knows, and he needs to remember this. Even if it takes forever to reassure him I love him, I'll tell him everyday, for the rest of my life, just until he knows I love him more than air.

"I know, I love you forever," He sighs and happily snuggles into my chest again, "We should go home," he says and I nod.

"You want to?" I ask him and he nods.

"Please take me home again, where I belong, where, when I'm back to full health, you can blow me till I'm seeing stars," I have to laugh a little as he's not changed at all, still super bubbly and cute.

"You're still the same, and I love you, of course I'll take you home now if you wish, lets call the nurse," I do that and press the little call nurse button, she hurries in like she's supposed to and smiles with relief when Harry is fine and just resting in wakefulness on me.

"We'd like to go home now nurse?" I kinda have state and half ask her. She smiles wonderfully and claps her hands together.

"Are you feeling ok Harry?" He sits up leaning against me for support and smiles at her, that wonderful, lovely, beautiful, amazing, perfect smile.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better.. thank you for everything," she smiles before telling us we can collect Harry's things and sign out at reception, she tells us whilst we do that, she'll be getting a wheelchair for Harry due to his immobility.

"Here, put him in this wheelchair, then head towards main reception," pushing my little smiling bundle of joy and perhaps still mildly depressed boy through the halls, reaching the desk where a lady is sat, alongside a man and I give him Harry's details in which he gives me things to sign and then Harry is free to go with me, finally, I push him out to my car that's here because Archie brought it, she's such a bae, holy poop.

And I can't wait to get Harry home.

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