chapter 39 - and those games have never been what it's about

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I'm not sure how much longer I can take this.. it's getting too much.


We're on our own private tour bus me and Niall.. I didn't trust him with the rest of the team on the same bus.  He'd probably pound Zayn's head in to be honest, well who wouldn't, Zayn is cruel to do that to Niall and Harry, they were happy and together, I have never seen Niall so happy ever!

He's sat on the tour bus sofa looking all gloomy about something, probably Harry, they need each other back and soon Niall is off tour again, he has been away from Harry for three months, and I'm sure Harry is just as depressed, maybe even more with his childhood.

Niall though, he's never this sad and depressed about anything, his scars consume his body if I leave him alone for long enough, he has officially lost it and little does he know, I've booked him the rest of the games off to try and get himself in better health.

"Niall, babe." I begin and he looks at me with red puffy eyes, he looks emotionally drained, well he is, but more than usual, "you alright sweety?" He shakes his head and turns back around, facing the wall, wow... much fascinate.

"I can't do this anymore Arch." he sighs.

"Do what?"

"Life." does he mean that? Doesn't he know Harry has feelings, just like me and himself.

"Niall.." I walk up to him and sit next to him, well let's tell him about his cancellations.

"Well, I took the liberty of canceling the rest of the games for you, you're unfit and too unwell to play Niall... you're struggling to keep up with everyone." he nods, surprisingly, in agreement and rests his head on my shoulder.

"Thanks Arch."

"We're on route for home." I explain gently and he nods again.

"Do you..." He takes a deep breath before asking me again, "do you think Harry would take me back?"

I have to think about this, collecting and analysing the information Gemma gave me about Harry, he would definitely take Niall back... no doubt.

"Yeah, but it's not my position to tell." I elaborate and a couple of sniffs escapes his lips.

He sits there crying for a few minutes, he's been through a tough three months, and I should imagine Harry has too.. none of them are to blame, but one thing that makes me happy, is that Niall finally told Harry he was a virgin when they met and first did it together, that Harry wasn't the only one who was extremely nervous, so was Niall, but he didn't wanna make Harry feel any worse or more nervous, so he kept calm... that's all to my understanding of the scenario.

"Harry loves you." I explain, "he loves you very much, I could see it whenever he looked at you, even when you were making him a cup of tea, he still looked at you like you were the best thing in world, he never stopped loving you, so I doubt he has now." Niall just continues to cry and sob as the bus makes its way down the route of our house, where Harry has probably left without a trace, nothing of his left behind. Not even a shoelace.

"I wish.." He sobs, "I wish I was going back home to him... a-and he was there , waiting for me and then, we-we'd make love like we used to.." He cries even more.

I understand he wants Harry back in his arms, but I kinda like the lack of moans echoing through the house occasionally, but it also shows me  that they loved each other, they still love each other, they needed each other always and now it's just not the same. They're both silently suffering.


Harry can't go on like this... he's hurting a lot and hasn't eaten much in three months, maybe a slice of cheese every... month or so, he refuses to get out of bed and the other day, I had to bath him, he was so weak and fragile, I bathed him whilst crying, I could feel his heart, never mind his ribs.

i'm afraid he's trying to kill himself.

If that be he case, I don't wanna lose my little brother as well as my dad, Harry is everything to me right now.

I need Niall to come and save him, save him before it's too late.

Niall would be in a worse state if he knew what Harry was like, right now he's asleep upstairs, I made sure to hold him until he stopped crying and fell asleep, I made certain to remove all things that could be used to harm himself from the bathroom and his room.

The other day he told me he wanted to die, he didn't want to live anymore, said his life has gone downhill instead of up like he wanted, but I told him no, I can't let him do that... if Niall is gonna save him, can he please do it now?

Archie text me asking if Harry had watched Niall play, Harry never missed a game, not even once, Sat and cheered his ex on, even though Niall wasn't playing well at all, Harry still said he played like a pro.

I suddenly hear a little creak and then a huge thud and sobs, I run as fast as I can up the stairs, finding Harry on his bedroom floor in a mess, looking worse than ever and his ribs prominent as ever.

"Harry..." I help him up, he's so weak he can barely walk, and it's very saddening to be honest.

"Leave me alone Gem..." He sobs quietly but doesn't fight back against me putting him back on his bed, he hasn't the physical strength to do so.

"No.. I won't leave you here alone.. you're not being alone anymore..." He sighs and lies back, you could, if you look hard enough see the outline of his internal organs.

It frightens me.

"Will you be ok? I'm going to make you a drink of tea." He nods weakly and I leave him there.. praying he doesn't hurt himself.

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