Chapter 47 - that heart is so cold

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*Harry*

I've never seen Niall so happy. He's always excited whenever we wake up to see me, he always asks if I'm ok, always making sure I feel ok, I eat a lot more now thanks to him, he's been making me small meals that a child would eat, but they're enough and when I eat them all Niall always praises me saying how proud he is and he'll kiss me and ugh I'm so in love with him, I always feel ok when I'm with him.. but every night is when the thoughts come. Around midnight.

The thoughts to remind me how easy it is to end it all, just take some of these..  just cut some of these.

But I can't. Not with Niall. He was heartbroken when I woke up in the hospital. And right now.. I could end it easily, but that would be selfish, I love Niall, and he always reminds me how much he loves me..

"Ni," I whisper and there's no reply, not even a movement.

"Niall... please wake up," I poke his stomach a little and he yawns and opens his eyes.

"Y'alright baby?" He rubs his eyes and then instantly cuddles me closer..

"I... I'm having thoughts..." He tenses at the words and holds me tighter, his muscles relaxing when I hug him back.

"Again?" He asks sincerely, not a hint of frustration in his voice and that's why I love him, I just nod against his chest, "Baby, just, I'm just glad you woke me up and told me, I'm always here for you.. always, do you know why?" He says softly, yawning, his accent pouring through my ears like really good music, the kind that flows from one headphone to the other.

"Why?" I ask and begin to smile as I know where this is going.

"Because, I love you so much... I'm so fucking in love with you.. if you die, I'm dying too," he says firmly.

"you can't do that.."

"But I would.. just so I could be with you and kiss you still... I just love you so much baby. I couldn't lose you, I lost my mum... I don't talk to my dad, and I can't lose you too," he sighs and strokes his flower tattoo unconsciously.

"I wouldn't leave you... I'm sorry," I apologize for nothing at all really.

"What for baby?" I absolutely love that he always calls me baby. It's like.. hehehehehehe. I'm hoping I get morning wood to be honest.. haven't had good head in a while. ('・_・')

"Just.. waking you up, I'm ok now.. that little reassurance from you always makes me feel better and forget everything for a while," he kisses my head and strokes my hair, effectively lulling me back to sleep..

"Goodnight baby, I'm always here for you, I love you," I mutter a half awake reply of I love you back and he seems satisfied with it as we both fall back to sleep.

...

"Babyyyyyyy, babyy! BABY!" I'm being poked. Not that I don't enjoy it.

"Wat?" I mumble against his chest.

"I'm bored..."

"I can't help that.." as much as I'd like to cure his boredom.

"Well then," he sighs and strokes my back up and down.. making me more aroused to be honest... He hasn't worked out that I'm hard this fine morning yet.

Wait for it.

"What's on my leg?" He wonders and tries to look.

"M' hard," I mumble back and think about his smirk that's probably on his face.. and then other things pop into my head, like the dream that made me hard.

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