Chapter 44 - When he was kissing him how? I was confused about

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I'm not sure how to feel about all this, I wake up thinking I'm hearing things, but Niall is actually here with me, how much more perfect can my wake up call be? But I don't wish to be here at all, I didn't want to be alive, nor do I want to now.

Niall shouldn't have found me, he shouldn't of saved me that day, he should of left me, but he loves me, he said, he'd never leave me, he said. He's a fucking liar I said.

He just seems too perfect to be honest, life is never perfect, no matter who you have by your side the entire time, they always end up breaking your heart in the end, I don't wanna get hurt anymore than I already am, but I love Niall, more than anything in the world, but I also hate him, can't stand him for doing this to me, he's said he's sorry, I know, but this, I can't handle this right now.

"Niall?" I ask with my face still pressed to his chest, his arms securely around me.

"What's up babe?" that nickname makes this harder, he really does care and it scares me.

"Why do you have to be here right now, why don't you go home?" I state rather coldly if I'm honest with myself, if hearts could break you'd hear his crack.

"W-what? You don't want me here do you?" He wonders out loud and I shake my head against him, "why? What have I done wrong?"

"You expect me back just like that? You don't realise the actual extreme depths the pain I went through really was do you? You don't understand that I'm still in pain, my body doesn't want to live, I don't want to be here, I should be dead, and you should be attending my funeral," I almost shout at him, and I look up to see tears rolling down his cheeks, that got him, he's cracked, finally, but there's also guilt lurking through my veins, telling me that I shouldn't of said that, and I suppose it's consumed me, "Niall?" He shakes his head at me.

"N-no, I g-get it," He tries to hold in a sob and his voice shakes, as more tears roll from his eyes, downwards and hit his hands that are tangled together and no longer wrapped around me, "You don't want me here, it's ok, I'll go," He says and practically pushes me off him, but gently and he still helps me get comfortable again,even though  I don't deserve his help after saying that.

"A-are you comfy?" he's trying so hard not to sob and break down, I nod as my own eyes fill up at the look of him, "b-bye," he walks to the chair and grabs his phone and jacket, heading to the door with tears rolling off him, now landing on the floor, the guilt is eating me alive, he's only trying to help. Then why am I letting him walk away from me?

"Wait Niall, p-please don't go," He stops in his tracks and wipes his eyes, he takes a deep breath and turns around, I can actually see how broken he's been over the three months, I keep forgetting I wasn't the only one who suffered. I'm not the only one in this relationship.

"W-why? You don't want m-me here," He quickly wipes away more never-ending tears and I sigh,

"I-I do, please come and sit with me again, I'm sorry for saying that to you, I-I didn't mean it, p-please don't go," I sob in my seat and he finally walks closer again putting his jacket and phone back down.

"Sh-should I sit on the bed with you?" He asks me awkwardly looking down and he shouldn't feel awkward but I made him feel like that.

"Sit down with me, yes, please Niall.. I love you baby," his head perks up and a slight smile plays on his lips at his favourite nickname.

He eventually sits on the side of the bed again, and then helps me move to in between his legs, and leaning against his chest, his arms around me again,

"I shouldn't of said that to you, I'm really sorry," I apologise.

"I should be the sorry one, I should never of broken up with you, you have no idea how good it feels to hold you again, you want something to drink?" He's too caring, but I don't hate it, I fucking love it.

"Yes please, but you know what I want even more?" He hums to let me continue, "you back, as mine again," I sort of ask and demand.

"I want you to be mine again Harry, I really do, there's nothing I want more, so once again, all I ask is, will you be my boyfriend.. again?" He giggles a little but it's so damn cute, all I can do is nod, I'm too happy to have Nialler back if I'm honest.

"Yes, I will be your boyfriend, as long as you promise me this...?"

"Anything," He urges.

"Be my boyfriend too," He laughs and kisses my forehead.

"Yes, I will, because I love you forever," He says and presses more little kisses to my head


"Forever," He clarifies and I look upwards and kiss him like we haven't for five million years, full of passion and love, but no tongue, just love and emotional language that words can't even describe, he smiles as he goes in for another kiss after pulling away.

"Forever, and ever," He whispers as he goes to kiss me again, both of us smiling like idiots.

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