Chapter seven - I told him I'm not really looking for another mistake

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wrote: September 2nd 2014

edited: July 21st 2015

"Niall get off me!" I push him back forcefully and he actually falls. I take this opportunity to run.

I'm so sacred right now. But super turned on and it's not right and I don't know how to get away. I guess I'll find Archie.

"Harry?!" Archie's voice rings out to me, I unlock the door as fast as my fingers and my frozen control centre in my brain would possibly let me.

"Archie?!" I open the door and she throws her arms round me.

"You're ok, you're ok, did he hurt you? Come on I'll take you to my house. She looks so hurt and her stunning blue eyes looks painful.

"What's wrong with Niall, Archie?" I ask shaking from what just happened in there. He gave me too many love bites and they hurt and sting like bitches.

"He has bipolar disorder, a real bad case of it too, he'll come round. Where is he now?" I look upstairs and he's sat on the top step with his head hung low. Tears dropping from his eyes and on to the stairs.

"There," I say quietly as Niall sniffs. 

"Come on Harry.. let's go,"

"Don't leave, please," a small voice barely above a whisper says from the top of the stairs. I look up to see Niall with a sad face and tear stained cheeks.

"What?" I whisper back but loud enough for him to hear me. I am now wondering what made him so bipolar. He has the disorder. Now I think of it, he basically wasn't in control of himself back there. I kinda feel sorry for him now, he looks so vulnerable and tough at the same time, he may seem tough but he wouldn't hurt a fly.

"Please don't leave me, I'm sorry," he looks down and chokes on a sob and I know he isn't lying.

"You really have bipolar disorder don't you?" I walk up the stairs slowly and stop at the third one away from him.

"Yeah, I never told anyone that because I knew that I would lose them because it takes over me so quickly and I hate it," I sigh and walk up to his step, he looks honestly so cute and done with his life. His tears still rolling down his face.

"I can help," he turns to face me and shakes his head, wiping his eyes.

"No one can help me, you'll get hurt Harry," 

"I was once," he frowns and looks towards me, his features softening when I smile.

"What happened?" his voice soft and thick with irishness, due to his tears. Just the way I like it.

"I had depression when I was fourteen, that's all, when you're fourteen you're meant to have a great time and not feel bad about anything, but I was bullied extremely badly for being gay and liking boys, there wasn't anything wrong with me yet people hated me, and they still do," I gently pull my sleeve of my jacket up and he gasps when he sees millions of scars scattered up my arm. His fingers lightly touch over them, taking them all in.

"Harry," he sighs in sympathy, tears falling more and I pull my sleeve back down.

"I was also sexually assaulted when I was fourteen, a girl,  she told me that I shouldn't be gay, and I should like her. I'm still a virgin and nothing happened between is like that, but she.. she touched me." I whisper the last bit.

"Harry.. I-I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot!" he tugs at his hair and I clasp him in my arms. He stiffens a little bit soon relaxes and hugs me back.

"I'm sorry about, what happened back there, I can't help my extreme mood swings," he says with a lot of sorrow, but it makes me think of what he said to Archie outside the door.. about having his way with me. He was under control of his mind when he said that, I'm sure of it and then Archie almost knew something bad was gonna happen.. but why didn't they tell me about the bipolar disorder!?

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