Chapter 38 - Four cities, two planes the same day

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I'm not sure how much more of this bullshit I can take. Three weeks away from Harry has caused me more pain than I've needed.. well I may or may not have deserved it, for being such a twat in the beginning to him but it's not fair.

I have to admit I may have pulled a blade across my skin once or five times.. not a big deal, but Archie told me off every time she caught me. 

She's not gonna catch me this time. 

I sit in the bathroom when a silver reflective surface catches my attention. It's so tempting and.. I just grab it, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I'm a disgrace, ugly, awful person. I don't deserve anyone.

I don't deserve life. I might as well just leave.

I lift up my shirt, looking at the mess I had already made. It's ugly, like me, I just wish I could hold him and tell him how much I love him. I really do love him.

The sharp sting that's become familiar to me once again fills my nerve endings all at once and I'm filled with a massive amount of relief, I shouldn't probably feel this good from a.. not so tiny 'scratch', but this is the best feeling in the world.

"Niall!" Archie gasps and the bathroom door flies open, tears rolling down my face, she takes the blade out my hands but I want it back.

"I-I'm sorry," I whimper pathetically but Archie just smiles at me kindly and throws away the blade, far away from me, "I just.. I really really miss him," she sighs and looks me dead in the eyes.

"You said you'd try to stop Nialler.. I hate finding you like this, I honestly can't leave you alone for all of two minutes, can I?" she sighs but she's not wrong, I'm like a child, I constantly need parental guidance. I shake my head at her notion that she cannot leave me alone, she really can't.

"I.. I.. I just.. I don't know if I can go on tour with that prick Arch," I admit and she nods whilst sitting me down and getting out her recently much used first aid kit, carefully cleaning where I made a single, deep slash.

"This one's deep isn't it... Niall..." she stands up and looks at me, taking my hand in hers, "You're not," she takes a deep breath as if it's hurting her what she's saying, she looks around the room as if looking for the right words and I sit and wait for what she has to say, "You're not trying to.. kill yourself are you?" a flash of pure concern passes across her features and I shake my head.

"No," I answer honestly, I'm not, if I was trying to I would of done it by now. He says guiltily.

"Oh thank goodness, I was worried sick there," she goes back to cleaning my wound and I prepare myself for the next three months of torture playing footie with that prick.


"Harry you need to eat," he shakes his head and continues to sob.

It's all he's done, sat in the corner of the sofa, with three blankets round him and sobbed, one of them he claims smells like Niall. And he simply 'can't let it go', poor boy.

"It w-wasn't my fault," he says for the fifth hundred time just today, he just sits there watching TV and crying, I doubt he's even watching TV, just sits there crying to himself wishing for the pain to end.

When he does leave the seat, it's for a shower and.. he started cutting again. He was so happy with Niall.. why did they have to break up?! It's not annoying at all... But poor harry, I can't even imagine what Niall is like and how Archie is dealing with him.

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