Austin Carlile Is My Father? (#Wattys2015)

Waste Of Space

*Don't hate me, guys :( this is a triggering chapter...thought I'd let you know*

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Sienna
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Sienna sat in the back lounge upstairs, reading the texts between her and Noah. Reading the messages just made her miss him even more. She missed holding hands with him, cuddling with him, kissing him...she missed all of that. Now just seeing their messages made her miss him a thousand times more.

Her father had calmed down after what happened between them regarding the tattoo, and he actually complimented her on it, liking the idea, but something was off about him.

He was (or seemed) a little tense around her. Sienna tried to shake it off as just something he did when he got upset with someone, but she couldn't help but take it personally.

Sienna sighed loudly and turned off her phone, burying her face in her hands. Everyone was out at the concert and Sienna got to stay because she had a 'wicked headache'.

Her mind slowly drifted to her bunk where she had grabbed her blades but tossed them to the side when Noah came in to cuddle with her the night he left. She felt herself drag her body to her bunk, picking up her pillow to see her metal friend sitting under her pillow. She liked being in the top bunk because she would immediately know when someone was snooping in her bunk. She was standing on the bunk under Austin's and snatched the blades and stepped down, letting them glint in the light.

Although Sienna knew it was wrong, she was craving the feeling. She swallowed hard and walked herself to the downstairs basement.

Sienna hated that she was at this point, holding the sharp metal. She felt like she was going to cry. Why was she even going to do this again?

She closed the door to the bathroom and plopped in the shower stall, eyeing the metal. Why? Why did she feel like she had the need to hurt herself?

Because you deserve it, reminded the voice of Sam in her head. She shook her head quickly, as if trying to rid the voice. Why did she think of Sam?

Maybe because Sam found her on twitter again, and despite her account being a private account, he would still mention her in tweets, making Sienna's notification centre light up like a Christmas tree. The most recent one was a tweet about how he wished he poured the chemical acid on her face, ruining her life worse than he did already. Sienna wished that he did as well. Maybe it would give her a real reason to do this to herself.

She had a flashback to when she tried to kill herself, taking the sleep medication and alcohol in hopes that she would never wake up again, but, like always, things didn't go exactly the way she planned.

She sank her teeth into her lip and lifted her stomach, glaring down at it with teary eyes. Her hips looked like they needed lines.

Sienna pressed the metal to her skin and hissed in a breath as red immediately sprang to the surface, paired with the slight pain of her skin breaking. Dragging it across her hip, she marveled at the blood that trickled down in the line's wake, seeping into her pants. Barely thinking of the pain, she made another line, blinking back tears.

The two lines were joined by two more until Sienna finally felt the guilt hit her like a thousand bricks.

"Fuck." Sienna mumbled, throwing the blade to the side and snatching up some paper towels that were left in the bathroom. She ripped two pieces and pressed them to her hip, her head rolling back. "No, no, no!" She didn't mean to cut. She just went through the motions, not realizing it until it was too late.

She scrambled to stand from the shower and grabbed the towel rack, holding herself as she cried. She needed to talk to someone. She had to talk to someone. But who?