Austin Carlile Is My Father? (#Wattys2015)

Tell Me, Who Is To Blame?

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Austin

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It was three in the morning, and he still couldn't sleep. Even Matt Barnes was sleeping and he was known to be a night owl. BMTH was sleeping, so was AA, so why the fuck couldn't he sleep? 

On the second floor of the double decker bus, they had a little lounge area as well, but they also had another 'bedroom' type thing that had a large bed in it. Right now, it was folded up and was used as storage. Austin found himself climbing out of bed and walking to the lounge. 

When he walked into the lounge, he was greeted by wracking sobs. Austin slowly looked around, searching for person who was crying and was shocked when his eyes met with Sienna's bare feet shaking slightly. He stood awkwardly as she sobbed, not knowing what to do or what to say. He gently walked to Sienna's side and sat next to her. She grabbed him and clenched onto his shirt, sobbing harshly into his stomach. Austin sank his teeth into his lip as he tried to coo to his daughter as much as possible. She didn't let up her sobbing, however, and Austin felt more and more impaired by the second. 

"What's wrong, baby girl?" he asked gently, stroking her hair back. She only shuddered and tried to control her breathing. Austin didn't know what possessed him to look down at Sienna's hands, but he was so fucking glad he did. 

Blood was streaming from her palms and down her arms, soaking into his shirt. Austin jumped and swore slightly as he grasped at her wrists pulling up at them. She shrieked and struggled against him, squeezing her fists tighter and more blood gushed through her clenched fingers, seeping on his chest. Austin grimaced and tried not to get sick as he forced himself to pin her to his side and grasp her wrists tightly, trying to force her hands to open. 

After a couple of muffled screams, Sienna's hands opened. 

Austin stared in horror at his daughter's palms. In her right hand, she held a blade loosely, deep gashes from where she was gripping the blade so tightly. In her left hand, the blade was so deep in her palm, it stuck upright in her hand, wiggling slightly as she gasped for air. 

Austin was quick to pull the blade from her wound and pick up the other one, throwing them to the ground behind him. 

Sienna's face was now relaxed, her eyes closed, whimpering slightly as her sobs subsided. Austin, who was now sweaty and painted in his little girl's blood, had tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Hoarsely, he called out for Alan, or anyone really. When no one came to his aid, he lifted Sienna up, her hands resting in her lap and brushing against his chest. He could still see her hands seeping blood and he flinched, stumbling out into the hallway, not trying to be quiet. He felt a growl utter from his throat as he shuffled down the stairs and brought her straight to the kitchenette, placing her on the table. Stripping off his shirt, he ripped it in half out of pure adrenaline and wrapped them tightly around her palms. 

By now, Sienna was nodding back off to sleep, but he didn't let her do that. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and dumped some on her face. She flinched back and opened her eyes wearily, and sat up a bit, hugging herself. Austin stared at her before trudging to the bathroom to grab the first aid kit. 

"What's going on-" said Ben's voice. Austin turned to face the man, but Ben gasped. 

"Austin, you're bleeding-" 

"I'm not bleeding." he said bitterly, walking back to Sienna. Ben followed, concerned. 

Austin roughly grabbed Sienna's hands as she sniffled slightly. He ripped off the bandages and she whimpered. 

"Ow, Austin-" She started, but he silenced her with a glare. He used rubbing alcohol and dumped it on her palms. She screamed in pain and writhed a bit causing a bit of guilt from Austin, but it was quickly replaced by anger. 

"Austin," Ben muttered, "Austin, stop it. You're hurting her-" Austin gave up, his shoulders going limp as Ben grasped Sienna's wrists softly and grabbed a paper towel and began dabbing at her wounds. Sienna sniffled and Ben sighed. "Austin, tear up some gauze. She doesn't need to go to the hospital for this." 

Austin did as he was told as he let his friend work on Sienna's hands. 

When he was done, Ben muttered something about washing his hands and disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Sienna and Austin alone. Austin stared at Sienna and frowned. 

"Well?" he asked harshly. "Why'd you fucking do it?" 

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Sienna

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"Mom!" she screamed, trying to move from the spot she was standing from, but nothing was working. "Mom! Mommy! MOM!" The house lit into flames and Sienna screamed louder. 

"Help me, Sienna!" screeched her mother's voice, but Sienna was petrified. She could not move. She watched in tears as her mother was burnt alive in the godforsaken house and all she could do was scream: 'Mom'

Sienna stared at Austin, her hands still shaking from Ben's gentle care. Austin looked angrier and angrier by the second, pacing slightly. 

"Sienna, you can't ignore me, young lady." Austin growled. "Why did you fucking do it?" 

By now, she could see other people were waking up. Individual bunk light snapped on and footsteps sounded on the stairs. 

"Sienna Francias! You answer me right this minute!" Austin shouted, making her eyes well in tears, her mouth stinging. "Why did you hurt yourself? You dug way too deep! You could have bled out!" 

"Austin-" murmured Alan's voice, but Sienna slammed her eyes shut. 

"Shut the fuck up, Austin! You don't know anything about me! Why the fuck do you think you can just get an answer out of me by yelling at me? That's fucking wrong, and not to mention, abusive!" Sienna jumped from the kitchenette counter and stepped in front of her father, who was staring at her in shock. "I was trying not to cut! If you look at my fucking wrists, you'd see that I didn't cut myself. I was thinking about you and your stupid reputation. Why would I want you to be disappointed in me for hurting myself? You know what? Fuck this shit!" She stormed past him and raced up the stairs, past the band members who were about to call her name. She forced herself into the lounge and quickly found the bloody blades.

She grasped them tightly and stomped down the stairs again. She slammed the blades down on the counter in front of Austin and gritted her teeth. "Fucking take them away from me before I swallow them." 

Austin blinked stupidly at her and slowly brought the blades closer to himself. He wrapped them in a paper towel and shoved them in his pocket. "You still didn't answer my question, Sienna." He said quietly. "Why'd you do it?" 

Sienna felt herself shake and her lip tremble. Austin noticed and he grabbed her, holding her in a warm embrace. His skin was slightly sticky from her blood, but she held onto him for dear life. 

"I…I killed my mommy." She whispered softly causing Austin to stiffen. "I had a dream that she was burning and I couldn't save her-" 

"It was just a dream." Austin told her quietly. 

"She's really gone." Sienna sobbed, clenching onto him. "She's never gonna see me graduate. She's never gonna see me get married, or watch me become something-" 

"She's with you wherever you go." Austin told her, rubbing her back. "Trust me. My mother's on my shoulder everywhere I go." 

Sienna just sobbed harder. "Your mother died from heart problems. My mother died because I forgot my own fucking pajamas. I don't even need PJs!" 

Austin seemed at a loss of words as he cradled her slightly.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. "I'm so-so sorry."