Forever and Always (Sciles)

50: The Cruelty of Life

Stiles POV

Raphael died two weeks after that day in the hospital. When Dad told me the news, I felt numb. I didn't know what to do. I was just in too much shock. I was frozen for a good solid minute before I finally moved again, grabbed my keys, ran out to my jeep, jumped in and drove to Scott's house. I had rushed into his house to find him in his room, curled up on his bed, crying silently. I had slowly made my way over to him and crawled onto the bed with him and held Scott in my arms. His crying got louder and louder until it sounded like painful wailing, but I continued to hold onto Scott, not letting go of him, just like I promised. I didn't say anything to him that afternoon. No words needed to be said. We just laid there together in silence, both of us appreciating the fact that we have each other.

The funeral was sad, just as most funerals are. Not that I have been to that many, thankfully. Everyone was sad and quiet and there was a lot of crying. I didn't cry, but I definitely felt empty on the inside. It was a very dark feeling. It was just like when Allison died, although I did shed a few tears at that funeral. Probably because I was closer to Allison. Lydia was pretty distraught at the funeral. She's angry at herself for not being able to foresee Raphael's death sooner. Kira and I keep repeating to her that it is not her fault in any way. None of this is anyone's fault. No matter how much we try to convince Lydia of that, she doesn't seem to soak it in. I just really hopes she learns the lesson on her own. I know being a banshee would be tough and having the weight of so many deaths on your shoulders would really wear you down, but Lydia is strong. She can get through it, like she always does. Besides, she has the best friends and family to help her through it.

Scott however, was a complete mess and did not try to hide it. He has been a mess ever since his dad died. I'm trying to help him as much as I can, but there is only so much I can do. I know exactly what it is like to lose a parent and it sucks. The hurt never goes away. You just gotta find a way to live with it. Scott, my dad and my friends helped me find a way to live with my mom's death. Defeating Vanessa helped me move on as well. It still hurts now, but I've learned to live with it. I just hope that Scott will be able to find a way to live with it too. It breaks my heart to hear him crying in his room or how he was crying into my shoulder for most of the funeral. It is really rattling the pack. Their leader, the True Alpha, the one that is supposed to remain strong, finally broke. It was going to happen eventually. He might have a fancy werewolf title, but deep down, he is still only just a teenager. He is still only human. He isn't perfect. He can't be strong all the time. No one can. I tell Scott this on multiple occasions and he just nods and sniffles in response. I hold him close to me at the funeral and he clings to me tighter. When he has to get up and do a speech, that is the most heartbreaking moment. He is crying a lot and it is hard for him to get through the speech as he is trying to hold back his sobs and tears. Somehow, he does manage it, however. Afterwards, he runs into his mother's arms, where she holds onto him, protecting him and rubs his back comfortingly, whispering to him that everything will be okay. I felt really down and miserable at that point, feeling completely helpless. Kira came up to me and gave me a hug. I gladly hugged her back.

Despite all the crying, sadness and heartbreak, I think the funeral did help. It celebrated all of Raphael's successes and everyone shared their most fun memories of him with the crowd. They shared the things that they want us to remember Raphael by. I know I don't want to remember him being sick and lying in that hospital bed as the life slowly drained out of him and I am sure Scott doesn't want to remember him by that either. Afterwards, many people come up to Scott and Melissa and tell them that they are sorry for their loss. They nod in response, but don't really acknowledge the comments. I understand why. Raphael is dead. Saying sorry won't bring him back or make it better. The death isn't even anyone's fault. I don't say the cliché phrase of being sorry for their loss, but I remind them that I will always be there for them no matter what. Scott and Melissa seem to really appreciate that. I lie with Scott in bed and make him tell me about his best memories of his dad while I listen. I know that the best thing I can do for Scott right now is just listen. I listen to his stories about his dad, I listen to his crying, I listen to his rants and complaints about how his dad didn't come back sooner and so on. It's heartbreaking to hear and I feel so useless, but I make sure that I am there for Scott, just like Dad makes sure that he is there for Melissa. Scott tells me that he is really thankful for all the support and actually understanding what he is going through. I just hug him closer and press a kiss to his head, assuring him that everything will be alright somehow. This hell will get better eventually.