BELOVED [h.s.]

Chapter 88.

"Yes you will have a family with him, won't you?" He asked. "You are going to marry him and get pregnant and then I'll be in a corner watching you being happy when I won't be!"

He is overreacting so much, I really love him more than anything and I imagined too many times how would be my life with him if we remained together and I fantasised about it but never thought he did, it never came to my mind.

"You won't be unhappy Harry; you'll find someone who will love you and you'll love her so much."

"I already found her," he said and my heart stopped.

What if I give up completely now and be with him? That way I will stop feeling miserable and my happiness can be right back into my life instead of trying to act like string but in reality I'm praying to have him forever. I am the jam of a sandwich now, one bread is pushing me to attach to him forever even though he was with another cheese and he can do it again someday and the other one that is soft and cute with me and hasn't done anything wrong with me but being such an angel all the time.

Which side should I choose?

"I don't want you to feel that way," I sighed, "I love you and I don't want you to be hurt."

"Then come back with me,"

"I can't," I'm not going to kiss goodbye Ethan and just leave him alone because I changed my mind to come back with Harry. Maybe Harry is capable to do so with girls, but I can't do that, I'm not that type.

"You don't give me a chance not because of you lack of forgiveness but because of him, isn't it?" He questioned me.

"Harry you are forcing me to come back with you and, that's not nice. You can try to do all of these things," I opened my arms widely drawing a circles with them, "but you just can't tell me to come back with you when there's a nice and polite way to ask that.

"Where's the nice boy a girl needs be her side every time? Where's the cute boy that always reminds the girl she is perfect for him? Where's the boy that is romantic and sometimes too corny but gives me shivers? Where's the flirty not in a sexual way boy that made me fall from the cloud where I didn't love anybody? Do you see it? Because I don't," I finished.

He was frozen; I was just looking at him waiting for a movement or something.

"Not because of forgiveness or Ethan but that, that's the reason. I don't think you'll mind if I stay here today, it's too late and I'm not driving back alone."

I sat on the bed, watching the moon from the window while my tears fell like showers down my cheeks. I just can't believe what I said, it is just so true and I really miss my Harry. I prefer to lose the sexy one and have back the corny one that he was in Los Angeles, trying so hard to make me feel better after everything.

Who's this boy?

I felt how the other side of the bed went down and when I turned around Harry was leaning there, showing me his fit back.

I closed my eyes and let the tears fell faster while I was sobbing. I lean down too and put my hands on my stomach and stared at the ceiling, until my tears were over and I fell asleep.

...

I opened my eyes and turned around, Harry was looking at in the same position I was. His green eyes were dilated and he had bags under his eyes, he cried just like me. I just think right now that what we are doing to each other is giving pain for anything; we are destroying ourselves not just like an ex-couple but like individuals too.

"Yesterday you hated me in the morning and I loved you, in the beginning of the night we both loved each other, then we were inseparable and then we fought and hated each other again." He sighed and stopped talking for some seconds. "You are right; now I know it... we are not meant to be together." He grabbed my hands and entwined his fingers with mines.