BELOVED [h.s.]

Chapter 86.

The question reminded me how sad, alone, depressed and stupid I felt for almost a month. How food made me want to vomit, how I just wanted to watch movies and sleep all the day, how I was realised my life was the most boring one ever and now that I wasn't with him I just slept, watched TV and read all the freaking day.

I haven't been happy, not extremely happy, I haven't been that way neither a second since I knew the love of my life did something so mean to me, the same day I was operated and then know I was fired from work and school made me even sadder.

I just shook my head and he raised his eyebrows.

"Really?" He asked.

I nodded, I wasn't going to talk about it and then return to the back and forth in our friendship again.

"You?" I changed the subject to him, he can tell me anything and I won't care. Anything he says now, even if he's my friend, I believe it 100%.

"Same. Not happy at all, even when I bought the car."

He said and smiled, like I didn't he erase or immediately and put a little bit more of the blanket on me, then sneezed three times almost on me and apologised.

"And don't you think applying to Fabulous again would make you happy?" I swear to God I thought he was going to say something about us but he didn't, just mentioning Fabulous was what I heard.

"No, that place brought me the worst problems of my life," I said and realised I made him feel sad, you met them there, Linda! Of course he was going to feel that way.

"I mean, because of Carter and Matt," I corrected myself.

"I know," he sighed, "but they are not there anymore, you can come back."

I shook my head.

"I don't feel comfortable there at all; I prefer to look for another job then. I am just in third semester; I don't need a job related to journalism yet." I shrugged and lay on the bed because now my position was uncomfortable.

"I really am sorry if I ruined that job for you," Harry said and looked at me, turned around and leaned his body on his elbow, "I know it was perfect and everything you always wanted!"

"It's okay Harry; you didn't know they were that way, neither did I."

"I can offer you a well-paid job with us, you can... help us getting dressed in a nice way, like you are so fashionable and all that," he suggested.

I shook my head and put my hand on his.

"I already have a job and they pay me exactly what I need." I calmed him down, even if I want to go on tour with them and meet too many other countries beside Harry I just can't, my career and my life is here. I just can't leave everything for a year.

"I know is not enough pay, maybe I'm trying to be your friend but I don't want to go on tour and leave you here, working with Nathan and having a serious relationship with him meanwhile I'm missing you and waiting for you, something that if I leave you here I am going to feel forever." He sighed. "What if you are pregnant when I come back? What if you get married with someone that is not me? I would die!" He exclaimed.

I sat properly and rubbed his cheek; he put his hand on mine and put it down. His pierced-green-eyes were on mines; his hand was holding mine and the shivers were back in both of our bodies.

"You know I won't have babies and I won't get married, ever." I said.

I can't say anything about not having a relationship with Ethan because who knows what can happen in the future. What if he is the man I was looking for years?