The Sun and The Moon (south park stanxkyle)

Well I'm staring at unfamiliar ceilings and I should leave

It was hot, the air heavy and sticky while it weighed down the curls on the back of my neck. It was hot but I didn't want to go back inside yet. Inside was another type of heavy. Talking to Ike was like a breath of fresh air, a break from everything else. The heaviness in my chest was now only from trying to swallow the thick air but the knots in my stomach were starting to form again.

I couldn't hide forever, I couldn't just not go home, I was stuck.

At first, I sat down on the patio but then I ended up laying flat on my back with an arm over my eyes. I basked in the warm letting the heat from the rocks benithe my back soak in through my shirt filling my body with a slightly uncomfortable heat. Laying there the heavy air weighing down my clothes but soaking up the light heat of the sun left me in a limbo somewhere between comfortably warm and too hot and sticky.

This was a labyrinth and I didn't know how to get out. I weighed my options much like the heat weight in my thick curls. My hair was damp clinging to my skin, I hated the feeling. My hair was longer than my liking, unruly, more so than usual. I hadn't had a haircut in a while leaving the loose ringlets hanging almost below my ears, a neater version of Stan's shag cut kind of.

My back was damp with sweat, my shirt sticking to the middle of my chest, another feeling that normally would drive me insane but right now it was grounding. I hated sweat, I hated the cloth sticking to my skin weighed down by the moister.

I focused on my breathing, deep and even, focusing on the warmth, how my shirt stuck to my skin, and how my skin felt, I took it all in slowly letting it seep into my pores. I was just trying to take in 'the human experience' as my mother had called it. It was an old trick my mom used to calm me down when I was a kid. I was really anxious as a kid, not like Tweek's levels of anxiety but enough that I would spiral into uncontrollable rapid breaths choking on air I couldn't seem to swallow fast enough as my body was wracked in panic.

My mom would hold me close, forcing my ear to be against her chest. She'd tell me to listen to the beat of her heart.

'Hear that bubbi? Focus on the rhythm, breathe with me, it's all about being human,' she took a deep breath and I followed suit. Her hands rubbed up and down my back in a soothing way while she hummed a tune I couldn't quite place. 'All of this bubbi is part of what it's like to be human, the good, the bad, all of it honey. Focus on what you feel, my hand on your back, my heart that beats for you. It's all okay, the bad is just part of life but when it gets bad honey your mamma will always be here. Just focus on what's around you, what you're experiencing, the feelings, the sounds, take it in and remind yourself that you're just a boy and everything will be okay,' she muttered into my hair pressing kisses onto my head.

If this was the human experience, I didn't want to be experiencing it. I took in all the feelings I could but still couldn't shake the rapid rhythm of my heartbeat, the way it made the sticky hotness of the afternoon sun amplified. It was still in the back of my mind, the feeling of fear, then, anger, then disgust, and lastly, disappointment that I felt with everyone and everything, no amount of grounding could distract me from this part of the human experience.

I hate the human experience if it's leaving me this shitty feeling. I don't want to be experiencing it if this was it. Heavy air, heavy chest, frustration, and anger.

I don't know how long I laid there but it was enough that I felt like I had fully melted my shirt now almost completely soaked on the back. My skin had passed uncomfortably warm and spread into what would probably develop into a nasty sunburn. I peeled myself up and headed back inside reveling in the cool air that hit me as soon as I opened the door. The house was quiet, the low lull of the TV could be heard coming in through the living room.