The Sun and The Moon (south park stanxkyle)

And if you need a little sunshine you could borrow some of mine

Butters's mission was to make me feel better again, I told him how alone he left while were walking home from the lake. I let all my pent-up feelings out and how I felt isolated like I was losing everyone, they each had someone and I had nothing. He hugged me tight and told me I wasn't going to lose anyone.

It was now the fourth time in the last week Butters had stayed over at my house, he had stayed up with me and carefully listened as I told him everything I was feeling. Quietly he'd nod along waiting for me to be done speaking before giving me a reassuring smile. At one point he told me how much nicer it was sleeping over at my house. I wasn't the only one who felt alone he told me and now it was my turn to quietly sit and listen to him. At home, he felt trapped and like he had no one to turn to, he told me he felt just as alone as me. Butters told me that he always felt some kind of tension at home like he couldn't properly breathe or relax. He explained it was like he was an actor in a play with a role he wasn't quite comfortable with.

"Butters can I ask you something?" I asked him sitting cross-legged on my bed as we watched Netflix.

"Sure Kyle what's up?"

" How are you so happy all the time? there's all this pressure on you but.. it doesn't seem to affect you."

"It's called a positive attitude Kyle," he laughed a little and playfully punched my arm, "you should really try it" I laughed with him now. The movie Butters wanted to watch was the sequel to some cheesy teen romance movie that I had never seen, agast he promptly hit play on The Kissing Booth and told me that I had to watch it and we would in fact, whether I liked it or not be watching the second movie. So far it wasn't terrible, just not something I'd ever watch on my own or want to watch again.

"Butters how the hell do you like this movie so much?" I chuckled.

"Come on Kyle! We're not even halfway through," he rested his head on my shoulder and I put my arm around him.

"I'm never watching this again," as we both laughed. My phone buzzed with a message from Cartman:

*Dude why is Butters at your house AGAIN*

I typed back: *Why are you stalking him or something lol*

my phone pinged again: *No I'm just bored you homos! I'm coming over to break up what ever gay shit ur probably doing!!*

"Cartman invited himself over," I sighed.

"Oh, that's cool," he didn't seem too enthused.

"I can tell him no if you don't want him here."

"Nah it's okay Kyle! I haven't really seen him much lately so he's probably losing his mind out of boredom," Butters giggled.

"Gay wads!" yelled entering my room and closing the door behind him. Butters quickly sat up getting off my shoulder.

"Now Eric I thought I told you to stop calling me gay!" Butters Stammered out.

"Yeah shut up fat ass," I remarked.

"Don't call me fat!"

"Don't call Butters gay then," Butters and I laughed at how flustered Eric was. Eric set down a small drawstring bag and walked over to see what we were watching.

"Oh my god- seriously The Kissing Booth, Butters if you don't want me to call you gay don't do gay shit like watch the fucking Kissing Booth." he huffed

"How'd you know it was The Kissing Booth?" I asked grinning. He looked dumbfounded and started stemming while Butters laughed at Cartman's embarrassment.

"I think he got you there Eric," he wheezed out.

"Fine! I watched the Kissing Booth!" He yelled.

"So your gay?" I said smiling, I loved watching Cartman getting all pissy and embarrassed.

"Shut your jew mouth Khyle!" he still said my name like K-HILL-E which annoyed the shit out of me and he knew it. "Screw you guys! Im going home!" Eric whined. He grabbed his bag and stormed out once we knew he was gone Butters and I burst out laughing.

"Do you think he's gonna come back?" Butters asked when we caught our breath from laughing.

"Definitely not he was really pissed" Butters and I readjusted ourselves so that I was leaning back on my pillow and Butters was between my legs leaning back on my thigh as we watched the movie. I squirmed a little bit and Butters sat up quickly.

"Oh, uh sorry Kyle if I made you uncomfortable! I didn't me to, oh jeez.." he trailed off embarrassed.

"Oh, no Butters you're fine! sorry my leg just kind of fell asleep, you didn't make me uncomfortable at all," I reassured him, "Stan and I did that-" I stopped quickly, "Stan and I did that sort of thing all the time when we used to sleep over and stuff."

"Stan, can I ask you something really personal?"

"Sure dude,"

"And you won't get upset?" Butter looked at me deadly serious.

"Yeah, Butters?" I was confused, Butters's demeanor scared me a little bit.

"Did you or do you maybe still have feelings for Stan?"

"What?" my face heated up so I pulled down my hat over my face.

"You said you wouldn't get upset Kyle,"

"Im not upset Butters... Just why are you asking me that?"

"The way you are with him Kyle, it's just like there's something else there, and and.. what you just said You guys used to lay like that all the time" I could tell Butters was getting embarrassed asking me this. I pulled my hat back up and looked at him, both our faces red.

"We're best friends, doesn't everyone do that kind of stuff?"

"Eric and I don't"

"Well Yeah because it's Cartman." Butters gave me a look that said he didn't believe me when I told him we were only good friends. "When you're friends with someone like that for so long you get really close and it's nothing more than a solid broship."

"I see how you look at Stan and normal best friends, even super best friends don't look at each other the way you look at Stan."

"How do I look at him?"

"You look at him like he's the most beautiful boy in the world, you get so tense when you're around him we all started to notice the staring and how you'd get all red. You look at Stan like he's everything in life."

"Stan is everything to me, he's the person I trust the most I want to tell him everything and be with him like all the time, I don't know why I get so awkward around him and the staring, I just admire him I guess, his eyes are so pretty such a nice blue..." I paused to think, "WAIT! What do you mean you all notice??"

"Kyle when your face gets red it basically the same shade as a stop light." he giggled I relaxed a little bit now that Butters had lighted up.

"Butters," it was hard for me to say what I was about to say, "maybe I did have feelings for Stan and maybe I still do, I'm so confused. I've been jealous of Wendy for years! Anytime she was around I'd get so mad and had to leave, it felt like she ruined everything and was taking Stan away from me. I see stan and I get all warm and my face gets red and I- and I- I don't know there's something wrong with me! why can't I like girls like everyone else? I've tried to like girls my whole life like everyone else!" my eyes started to fill with tears. Butters wrapped me in a tight hug.

"Kyle you are normal," he told me in a soothing voice, "You don't get to choose who you love and it's worse to try to force yourself to try and like something you don't"

"fuck" I cried, "I'm in love with my best friend, I just never wanted to say it, I didn't want to admit it!" I was sobbing now. I was so scared. I had been scared for so long. for so long I had kept it buried down and told myself that everyone loved their best friend the way I loved mine. I kept lying to myself thinking no one liked girls the way they said they did.

I've been in denial so long it wasn't going to go away, not saying it wouldn't make it any less true.

"I'm gay," I said out loud as Butters hugged me.