The Sun and The Moon (south park stanxkyle)

I wanna feel lethal on the inside

I hated how I felt. I hated all the feelings I had pushed down and how now they all started to resurface. I didn't even understand myself, Kyle kept pressing for an explanation, but I didn't even really have one for myself. All I could think was how guilty I felt, for everything. I remember the bitter feelings and the anger. all I could think to do was drownd it out. None of my thoughts were clear when I started yelling at Kyle. My mind swam around in the Jack I so quickly downed. I wanted to feel nothing and Kyle was trying to make me feel something so I lashed out at him. I saw the look on his face and the guilt and shame I felt deepened.

Kyle stormed upstairs after we yelled at each other, I didn't know why I was so angery or why I took it out on him but I was feeling of these things because of him. I yelled out and threw my empty bottle across the room at the opposite wall letting it shatter. I sunk down on my knees wanting to cry and as my chest heaved nothing came out but raspy breaths. My front door slammed and I slumped over on the floor just lying there, not quite asleep, not quite alive, not quite dead but definitely not fully alive.

What did I do? Why am I fucking like this?

At some point, I had fallen asleep on the living room floor. My head throbbed and my stomach violently turned as I woke up, feeling the intense need to throw up. I tried my best to stand up with my legs shaking and I couldn't will myself to move forward. My head hurt too much every time I moved and I threw up directly in front of me before falling back onto the couch. I pulled out my phone slowly dialing Kenny's number with my heartbeat thudding lowly in my ears mixing with the pounding on my head. The phone went on ringing and I felt so desperate about to give up before Kenny finally picked up, his sweet yet raspy voice giving me a new type of comfort.

"Stan?"

"Dude, can you come over?"

"Yeah? Where've you been? I haven't like seen or talked to you in a couple of days dude," he said with a concerned voice.

"Just come over," I groaned.

"You sound like shit dude, you good?"

"Thanks, princess," he wasn't here to wittiness my eye-roll that came out with my response, "Just get over here," I hung up the phone with a sigh. I grabbed a couch pillow, using it to cover my ears as if it would help soften the pounding in my head. I pressed my face deep into the couch cousin still tightly holding the pillow over my head. This entire time I have neither seen nor heard from my dad and normally that would be a reality but I still wondered where he was now. My stomach turned again sending a wave of sick threw my body and I sat up only to throw up on the floor again. I still hadn't cleaned up the first puddle of vomit and now as it mixed with the new puddle I didn't feel like dealing with it, future Stan problem, I thought to myself. I snapped my head back to the sound of my front door clicking open.

"Kyle?"

"Nope sorry to be disappointed," Kenny shrugged walking in, "Are you too drunk to remember who you called?" he teased while he welcomed himself in the house.

"No- just- unfornectantly sober," I groaned gripping my head in my hands.

"So then why did you think I was Kyle?" he asked with his brow raised.

"He stayed over last night, we had this ugly fight and he stormed out, I don't know man," I had no idea why I thought he was coming back, maybe it was because subconcosuily I wanted it to be him walking through the door. Kenny approached the couch and he looked at me, the puddle of vomit, and the broken glass, his expression drastically changed.

"Stan, dude," he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and leaned his head into his hand. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it dude I feel like shit, that's why I called you Ken you make me not feel like shit."