This is my body, the only thing that I own entirely

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With our living room cleaned up, I watched as Ike played with legos and he had the tv playing some kids' show in the background.

"Ike never grow up," I didn't want him to lose the parts of him that made me my baby brother. Ike looked at me confused and I just smiled at him. We both turned to the stairs when we heard movement from Kenny who now made his way down. Due to the day's rising heat, Kenny ditched the pile of blankets he had taken upstairs and now wore his orange hoodie fully zipped up and a pair of red boxer briefs.

"I gotta go where are my pants," he asked still half asleep. When cleaning up I had carefully folded the clothes that were forgotten and put them in a pile with the other ideas not belong in our house. It seemed that we could never take home everything we brought to each other's house as this happened each and every time. I pointed Kenny to the pile that held his black jeans.

"Anything else yours there?" I asked he struggled to get into his jeans again.

"No that's Stan's phone charger, Cartman's belt, and Stan's necklace," he said now zipping up his pants and putting his shoes back on. "Thanks, Ky for some reason I think we all needed this," Kenny said before leaving grabbing Stan's things to take with him. In elementary school during one of Stan and Wendy's stupid breakups, he took up being goth for a while, the only habits he took away from his time were still occasionally painting his nails, drinking black coffee which he now liked more as we got older than back then, but also wearing simple pieces of jewelry. He wore the same things every day, a black band ring around his thumb and a silver chain necklace. I thought the simple pieces suited him and I'd never say it but I liked when he would put dark polishes on his fingers.

Kenny gave Ike and I both a goodbye that consisted of mumbling groans and slipped out the door.

"Man Kyle Kenny should have gone to bed with me," Ike giggled.

"Yeah Ike he really hates waking up," I smiled. I had always found it funny how late he stayed up and how he could never keep a sleep schedule but then how horrible he was at waking up but never fixing the issues. I didn't know how Ike was so fresh I felt exhausted even if I slept quite contently under Stan's arm I was still whipped out.

I felt warm inside thinking about waking up still cuddled with Stan and how he had reached for me and smiled in his sleep once I was in his grasp. I hated the method I had woken up in but I'd do it a thousand more times if it meant that Stan would cuddle me to sleep every night and wake up with me every morning. God, I'm so down bad for this boy.

Now that I faced how I felt about Stan, my every waking thought was about him. I knew deep down I'd loved Stan for such a long time, he was more than my best friend he was my reason for getting up everyday . Once I finally expected that I loved him it was like I couldn't stop it. The years worth of representation came out in daydreams about kissing him, thinking about how perfect every things about him was and how perfect he felt in my life.

I knew I was gay and I knew I was in love with him but my parents had never expressed to me that it was okay to feel that way. I was deep in denial trying so hard to ignore what was so obvious. I cherished the moments when those feelings would be humored like holding his hand on the bus or in the hallways, things it was normal for friends to do and only friends. it was like a switch flipped in my head and everything felt so much more complicated.

"Ike, I need to tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm gay," it felt good to say it to someone other than myself. It was like a band-aid got ripped off. I didn't worry about how he would react I felt safe in saying it to him because he was little and didn't really understand the gravity of what I was telling him.

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