Ethereal {WLW}

Chapter Thirty-Six: Intentions

Savannah's POV:

I sit in my room, choking down silent tears as Rhea talks to me outside my door. My eyes and head throb from the tears, but my ears hear every word.

I miss her... I miss us. 

If you were to ask me if I thought we'd be in our current situation all those months ago, I'd probably think you were crazy for saying she even spoke a word to me. 

It's hard to explain how I feel about the current situation. I want Rhea to be happy, but not with my mom. My mom is probably just doing all of this to hurt me. She wants to steal my best friend from me, just like she stole my grandma. She doesn't even like girls. Right?

My mom and I have a complex relationship. She was my person for years, we were inseparable. We genuinely had an amazing relationship until Ethan came along. He separated us and made her a completely different person. She's like a robot now, completely drained of all life... or at least she was about a month ago.

I know my mom struggles with Ethan and she hasn't been happy for a long time. I genuinely want her to divorce him, but even if they divorce, I don't want her with my best friend. How weird would that make all of our dynamics? Rhea is only 3 years older than me and you're telling me she'd be my step-mom? No fucking way. That doesn't sit right with me. How would we even talk to each other anymore?

I cry out of frustration and anger with the situation. How did this even happen? One moment they were at each other's necks and then somewhere along the way, at each other's necks for a completely different reason? Gross.

I feel a bit of bile travel up my throat at the thought of them sleeping together. I sit up, trying to compose myself, holding all the vomit at bay. Have they fucked in this house?

The thought makes me disgusted with my mom. She's fucking married and she's sleeping around. No matter how much I hate Ethan, I can't excuse her infidelity. How could Rhea knowingly sleep with her, breaking up an existing marriage?

The thoughts drive me insane. I know some are just coming out of a place of anger and not rational, but it's hard to control them. I've been in my head all week and it's a scary place to navigate alone.

I've rarely had to process emotions like this on my own. Rhea has always been there to help me navigate my feelings and give me rational answers, but she's not here to talk to anymore.

I've tried to keep things under wraps. I understand the severity of our situation and only told Sienna about it, attempting to find someone to vent to, but she's been no help. She just keeps telling me to talk to Rhea and it feels like nobody understands just how much I'm hurting. I lost my person.

I try to pinpoint in my head where things changed and figure out how long Rhea had been looking me in the eyes and lying to me. I know she said the middle of June, but when exactly?

I play back moments in my brain on a loop. There was a point in time when my mom got happier and started to relax more. For some reason it bothers me that Rhea was the reason she was finally happy.

I grunt out of frustration as my eyes land on my comfort stuffy. It's a raggedy teddy bear with matted fur. My mom gave him to me before heading off to college and in his prime, he looked pristine.

I slept with him every night she was away because it smelt like her and soon I grew an attachment to it. Rhea used to make fun of me for being a grown adult with a dependency for a stuffed animal, but he was the only thing that felt like never changed, other than his looks.

Now, I look at the bear and only feel anger because of its origins as I grab him and toss him across the room.

I cry even harder as my feelings become hard to regulate. What the fuck did the Mr. Roosevelt ever do to me? Why am I so emotional over a stuffed animal?