Let's Recelebrate (a Joshler story) (Celebrate ALTERNATE version)

⭒ LXXVII ⭒

Tyler looked at Josh, who smiled softly. "I really won't", he said. Tyler returned it. "I... I know you won't. It just... still makes me worried that you might", he sighed softly. "Why don't you just tell Josh about it, at least if he's okay with that? Then you got it off your chest and you'll see how Josh won't judge you for it", Steve said. He then looked at Josh. "Would you be okay with that? If you'd rather not know, that's fine", he smiled. "I- I'm- I'm okay with that", Josh smiled softly. "I won't mind."

"D'you want me to tell him?" Steve asked. Tyler shook his head. "I will", he said. He grabbed his cigarettes and he lit one, then turned to Josh while he leaned back against Steve. He took a drag from his cigarette, slowly blowing out the smoke as he fidgeted with his fingers when he looked down.

"So uh... Steve- Steve and I got this... crush, on each other, in Amsterdam and then in Berlin it became just bigger and bigger. We'd been texting in between and we... liked each other, and we'd kissed, and we both really liked that", he said. He bit his lip as he looked at the smoke coming from the cigarette. It felt peaceful, almost, the way it went up in a straight line before wiggling into a cloud.

"Then one evening, Steve invited me to his room, and I accepted the invite", Tyler said. "He basically looked me up and down and left to go to his room, and I didn't get it", Tyler said with a soft laugh. "Brian and Eric had to tell me that he had just invited me back to his room, so I... while I didn't believe them fully, I went after Steve and turns out they were right", Tyler chuckled.

"But uh... then we got to his room, and we got naked, and we uh... actually started having sex, and... I moaned Lucas's name", Tyler said, biting his lip again as the smile was gone. "Ohhh oh no", Josh softly said. Tyler nodded slowly, taking a deep drag from the cigarette. He breathed out shakily.

"We uh... stopped doing what we were doing after that", Tyler said with a slightly bitter laugh. "I thought I'd ruined it all but Steve forgave me for it and gave me another chance to explore what we were feeling 'cause it... it felt real. It was real. The sex was just... just way too fast, way too soon, and I shouldn't have let it happen", Tyler said.

"...as you can see, we turned out fine", Tyler smiled softly. "Together. But... while I know I love him so much, and Lucas and I are over and all that, I just... I'm just terrified of messing up again. Terrified that for whatever reason I'll say Lucas's name again and I will ruin everything. I'm just... scared, of having sex with my lover because I'm scared I'll mess it up", Tyler said softly. "Other stuff, even sexual things, are fine and we enjoy that, but actual sex is kind of terrifying to me at the moment because I don't wanna lose Steve."

"Which he won't", Steve said. "But he won't take my word for it." "I- I mean, if that would happen to me then I would be terrified too, regardless of what my lover would say", Josh said. "Right?" Tyler smiled softly. "Yeah", Josh nodded. "It's not that you don't trust your partner... it's just that you can't remove that fear no matter what you try", he said. "Until you'll actually do it", Tyler said. "But I've been... putting it off a bit", he admitted. "Waiting for that right moment and I don't know if I'm just procrastinating or if I actually wanna make it more special." "Maybe both", Josh said. "Probably both, yeah", Tyler said with a soft laugh.

"I'm patient", Steve said. "Just don't want you to think that any of this is embarrassing to me, 'cause it's truly not. I love you to death and I support all of you and it's got nothing to do with how often you and Luke had sex and where. Even if you had sex with Lucas twelve times a day, seven days a week, it still would not feel embarrassing or wrong to me that we haven't done it yet. I don't compare us to your previous relationship", Steve said.

"I'm really happy that you don't", Tyler softly said. "I really don't want to compare us to him and me either", he said. "Then we won't, simple as that", Steve smiled. "So no need to do that anymore, alright? No need to worry about what you and Lucas did versus what we did", he said. Tyler nodded, smiling softly. He let out a relieved sigh. "Yeah", he smiled. "Thank you love", he said. "Of course, baby", Steve said as he kissed Tyler's lips before he stole a drag from his cigarette. "Want me to refill your glass, Josh?" He then asked. "Oh, uh, yeah I'd appreciate that", Josh smiled as he grabbed his glass and he handed it to Steve. "Be right back", he said. "I uh, I'll... help", Tyler said, putting the cigarette on the edge of the ash tray, and Josh figured he wanted to talk to Steve in private about something, since no one really needed any assistance filling a glass, except for a toddler, maybe.