Let's Recelebrate (a Joshler story) (Celebrate ALTERNATE version)

⭒ CXXXV ⭒

Hi I think today is the day I'll make u happy 😌

I mean it's still sad bc like ... it's Joshie but TRUST ME u will be happy

So hi 🥺 it's Monday! Which of course means new chapter! I've been writing more again so I am still ahead which is good haha. I'm hoping to write more again today!

Thank you for all the votes and support ♥️ I'd love to see them again this chapter! I'll upload the next chapter either tomorrow or Wednesday depending on how much I can write today.

I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. So excited for you to read!

All my love! And enjoy (:

Word count: 4274

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Josh had been intimate many times with Dustin - way too many to count - but every time Josh felt like he had at least some control of the situation - even though he never really had - but this time, he felt disgusting, he felt overpowered, he'd lost all control; he was just powerless. Weak. Worthless. And being told how ungrateful he was for not just shutting up and taking it, made it even worse.

When it was over, late at night, and Dustin had passed out, Josh wanted to do what he always did; he wanted to stay, and pretend that this is what he chose for and what he wanted. But he couldn't; he had to get out of that room, and at least take a breath of fresh air. He went outside to do so, feeling even more disgusting and dirty than he ever did before. The tears hadn't stopped rolling, and as soon as Josh was outside, he knew he couldn't go back. He couldn't do it. He wanted to sit under his tree and cry; but even that, he couldn't do.

There were only two things that Josh could do, and that was cry, and run.

He ran, without thinking twice: he couldn't go on like this any longer. He just couldn't. He had to do something or this was literally gonna kill him. After tonight, Josh knew even more than before. And if he'd take a moment to think about it, that would only negatively affect himself, 'cause he'd make up excuses for himself to convince himself of how good Dustin was to him. But he couldn't do it anymore.

He ran until he got to his dorm. He opened the door and by the time he got inside, he was sobbing. Fred was still awake luckily, sitting behind his desk, which Josh was really glad about 'cause he wasn't sure what he would do if he wasn't.

"Josh!" Fred said, not expecting him. "What happened?!" He asked as he got up, and Josh ran into him immediately. Fred wrapped his arms around the boy tightly as Josh sobbed into his shoulder, and it broke his heart. He held him for a while, rubbing his back, hoping he'd calm down, but he wasn't.

"Come here, come sit, oh Josh baby, talk to me, tell me", he made the sobbing boy sit down and he got him a glass of water. Josh was bawling, but through his tears, he saw Fred's black eye. It hurt him even more, knowing that it was because of Dustin. Because of his boyfriend.

"Baby you gotta talk to me, I can't just have you be this upset and then comfort you only to not do anything about what's upsetting you so much, so you'll have to struggle silently until another moment like this happens again. I can't do that, I need you to trust me and talk to me", Fred said as he gently moved Josh's turquoise curls away. He used his thumbs to wipe some of Josh's tears away too, and his heart had shattered into a million pieces as he looked into Josh's hurt-filled eyes. "Is it something to do with Dustin?" He asked. Josh nodded.

"H-he- he-", Josh tried, but he was struggling so much. "W-we- we h-had sex b-but I- I- I didn't w-want to", Josh just cried even harder the moment he spoke the words into existence; now, it was real. Josh wasn't making things up in his head. It was reality, and it killed him. And while usually he would try to avoid saying it directly, and he was always nervous and scared to tell things like this and his friends needed to persuade him a bit before he'd tell them anything; this time, Josh just threw it all out there without thinking twice, 'cause if he thought about it for a minute even, he would change his mind. So this time, he laid it all out on the table.