Let's Recelebrate (a Joshler story) (Celebrate ALTERNATE version)

⭒ LIX ⭒

"Once you were in front of my front door I realized how badly I still wanted to kiss you, and you kind of gave me a heart attack when you actually did", Lucas chuckled. "Obviously that was a slip up and that wasn't intentional, I know that. And I would never kiss you again, I won't, because you have an amazing lover and I am your best friend, and that's all we are", Lucas said.

"When I look at you now, I see my best friend. I truly see my best friend that I love and cherish and care so much about", Lucas said. Tyler nodded as he took a drag from his cigarette. "Do you... are you- are you still... in... love with me?" He asked carefully. Lucas sighed softly as he looked at Tyler, into his eyes. Tyler looked at his, holding his breath which he hadn't even realized he was doing. "Yeah", Lucas admitted softly. "I am", he said. "That's the honest truth. But Tyler, that does not in any way, shape or form, mean that I am not your best friend first and foremost, or that I am not genuinely happy that you have Steve, or that I somehow don't like him because I know he is your boyfriend, or that it hurts me to see you and him together. It's nothing like that, not at all. If you would ask me to come back to you now, and break up with Steve, I would say no. If you'd ask me that in three months, or a year, I'd still say no because I do not want to be with you like that. Not anymore, not now, not in the future. We made the best decision, I know that we did. But I just... haven't been able to fully rid myself of those feelings for you just yet", Lucas said. "Working on it, slowly getting there, just... not fully there yet", he said.

Tyler nodded softly, taking another drag from his cigarette. He extinguished it in the ash tray that Lucas had gotten specially for Tyler many months ago - which honestly felt like it had been many lifetimes. He swallowed difficultly.

"Yeah same for me", he softly said. Lucas looked up, a bit shocked, but definitely surprised. "What?" He asked. Tyler let out a shaky breath, feeling a tear run down his cheek. He wiped it away with his right hand. "I'm not... I'm not entirely over you either", Tyler softly said, feeling like he couldn't swallow anymore. He managed to do so, difficultly, feeling more tears as his eyes stung and he let out another shaky, deep breath as he looked up at the sky. "Which fucking sucks", he whispered. "'Cause I have a god damn boyfriend. And I love Steve, so fucking much", Tyler said. "Not even just love. I know I am truly in love with him, I love everything about him", Tyler said.

"But you're- you're still..." Tyler trailed. "If my heart was a mansion, Steve would occupy every room but the attic. You're... You're in there", Tyler softly said. "I know I am in love with this man but fuck, sometimes it feels like I'm betraying him because I- a part of me is still in love with you too and I- I don't know how to tell him that", Tyler said, more tears rolling down his face. "How the fuck do you convince someone you're in love with them but there's still part of your heart that's occupied by someone else? I don't fucking know how to do that", Tyler cried. "I don't- I don't wanna lose him, and I- I- fuck, Luke, I don't fucking know what I'm fucking doing. Am I betraying him? Am I- am I lying to him? Should I- did I make a mistake by asking him to be my boyfriend, should I let him go so I can't hurt him? I don't fucking know what to do", he was basically sobbing at that point. It killed Lucas to see Tyler that way, and he moved over to pull his best friend into a tight hug.

He didn't say anything; he just held him, until Tyler had calmed down. It took a while, and he hadn't stopped crying, but he was calmer, and he could talk better again. "You haven't talked to Steve about that yet, hm?" Lucas asked and Tyler shook his head no. "He's- he's definitely gonna leave when I do", he sniffled. "And I don't wanna lose him, I love him so much", he stuttered and Lucas wiped some of Tyler's tears away.

"I don't know Steve the way you know him, Ty, but I do know that he's incredible", Lucas said. "And when I talked to him over the phone, he told me he was letting you figure things out and he wanted to give you all the time and space you needed and he was so understanding", Lucas said. "But- but that was before we- we became official", Tyler sniffled. "I know baby, I know. But Steve is still that same, understanding, loving man that you found. And he deserves to know what is going on right now, don't you think?" He asked. "He deserves to know what situation he's in, and then he can decide what you guys should do. He will know what to do", Lucas said.