life updates for anyone who cares

so im currently 13 weeks..

pregnant and its going ok.. i dont like my husband s the days go by.

we're planning on moving to another state for his job that he hopefully lasts longer than the probation period iA. and im gonna spend the next 6 months there, we were thinking i'd come back here to give birth and then go back to the other state, but we'll see what happens.

ive been doing more voice-recorded diaries bc i felt way lighter and better when i did them. im feeling pretty down today tbh, i started giving my husband tongkat ali for his mood, laziness and overall sex drive and well, it defintely worked but it also brought about the negative side effects of high testosterone such as not caring about what the wife thinks about him and just asking for s*x like he 'deserves' it instead of putting me in the mood like i try to out him in the mood. and already s*x is so uncomfortable for me since im in my second trimester so his 'idc' attiude really doesnt help and im just crying while i type this and he eats downstairs.

its so disheartening what my husband suddenly changes to the moment he gets a job, he did the same thing when we did the food truck, when he got the sales job and hes doing it again. i still remember when he said he would stop 'babying' me during our food truck, and how much it made me cry and honsetly idk why im so crying sm but i am... and i wish i could stop but im here now.

i thought men were providers and protectors? not just those with an inflated ego after being unemployed for 2 years... and then landing a job in another state (which honestly i am lowkey excited about) but this attitude of his really turns me off tbh. and i really feel like hes gonna start checking out other girls while im pregnant and hes on tongkat ali ... and thats so so upsetting and sad to even think about. but thats the current intrusive thought in my head.

that im pregnant, s*x is uncomfortable, his sex drive is high and im the idiot to blame for it tbh... and now hes gonna be checking out other girls