life updates for anyone who cares

deleting my tiktoks- detachment

so i had an epiphany (sort of) when i was pushed to delete my tiktoks that contained music in it but tbh i didnt feel scared about it. i havent  acc deleted them just yet, ive privated them bbut i think i might acc delete them. i realised that i cant just keep talking about detachment, i acc have to do it me daily life. if i cant do it when the stakes are low, how will i do it when they're high?

this is what detachment means, doing things we dont want to because it brings us ultimate happiness. detaching from things that give us PLEASURE not happiness, is nirvana. we think we get happiness  from these things, but we acc get it from following our value systems. and if my value system is: attachment is suffering. then i gotta follow thru with it and emancipate from my attachments and this needs to be a regular exercise that

which is why i started a gratitude charity box.. so everytime im grateful for smth that happened in my life, i give charity, this trains me to never get "happy" bc of attachments.

im gonna be honest, i thought it was going to be harder to delete than they were but i thought about everything... i had been trying to get "famous" for so long... and what did that bring me? no fame and more sin... also desperation is  not cute.

i broke down randomly during isha and i literally couldnt stop crying. i cried about everything, i cried about how i kept  living in the past about the  rishta and i just want him out of my head,  then i talked to Allah about how much i hate attachment and  to detach me from everything around me: fame, money and people (esp. randoms). it felt so cathartic when i privated my tiktoks... i felt powerful. that im doing smth ik i will be rewarded for by Allah.

i just  wish  that Allah hadn't put this desire for fame, money or people in human hearts.. but then where would be the beauty in the struggle? idk ive been consuming alot of philosophical content and so it just purged when i was talking to Allah and im glad that it did. to be blissfully above these human emotions of attachment is what i strive to achieve.