life updates for anyone who cares

law of attraction

yes

i went there

i did the  hippy thing and got here somehow.

where i am now a part of this 'law of attraction' gang. it kind of feels like the astrology signs gang.. except it's even weirder.

idk. pessimism wasn't working out. so i decided to take the overly zealous, and excited for life approach. maybe it'll work out. maybe im not achieving things bc truly i am just negative and not using it in a positive way at all. i dont want to live the rest of my life in a certain way just bc i got it wrong in my initial years, just bc i was too afraid to face myself and that maybe ive got this life thing wrong and that's why other people are achieving things and im .. not. maybe that is the secret ingredient. 

maybe its not even optimism but belief in yourself. i just hate optimists tbh. even tho when im in a really bad place, i acc think of the positives instead of the negatives. but i still wouldn't call myself an optimist. im not sure why i dont like optimists. maybe its bc i believe they are ultimately stupid and dont realise that life is effed up. or maybe i think that they  dont know the realities of people and their often ulterior motives -  but at the same time, the strongest and wisest (and oldest) people i know are optimistic. and maybe its bc they've been burnt and they're resilient and that's why they believe that the way they came out of hell, is the way people naturally are.

but im not so sure. but im realising, not everything has to be backed up by logic - especially optimism. optimism when it's controlled is  basically having hope and im not against that. but ive experienced hopelessness and i'd rather be a stupid optimist than a smart pessimist - but its so ingrained in me idk about it. and ive been burnt and not particularly 'successful' with pessimism, so maybe its time to change it up.

maybe its time to let go of those typical doubts that one has. bc i believe i can do anything. if  other people can do it... why not me?

bc i realise others are not genetically-gifted or any more special than me.. except that they channel that energy for good. people are not smarter than me, they don't have more resources, they don't have better genetics and they dont have more than 24 hours in a day. so its time to stop with the excuses and start with the  work. im in school holidays rn... and my biggest concern (honestly hate to admit it but is improving my skin) and im on accutane but recently started this product called supple skin co... which is kind of derailing the progress but we'll see how it goes in SHAA ALLAH IT GOES WELL

anyway my real and tangible goals that ive set are:

- finish my psy248 course

- record at least 6 podcast episodes PROFESSIONALLY

- go to a psychiatrist's clinic to learn more about psychology

- FIND A  DAMN JOB

- look for internships

- organise an event on the 8th of feb where i will be the emcee

-finish a powerpoint for girls' class

- net-working, networking, n e t w o r k i n g

- create meaningful relos that help me professionally bc i feel like my damned ass reserved personality set me back couple of years ngl

- finish robert greene's two books: 48 laws of power and laws of attraction (lol)

- get better at forex (this one is very flaccid bc forex is really boring and you have to keep going at it and ugh i cant say i love it tbh)

so i just searched up what  cultivating the law of attraction acc means and i got:

Whether you want something small and know how to get it, or want something big you don't know how to get, you always start by thinking about what you want. If you want something to eat, for instance, and there's food in the kitchen, you simply get up and get it; you don't tell yourself how difficult or impossible it might be, or how you'll probably fail in your efforts to feed yourself.

If you want something you don't know how to simply "get for yourself," you don't want to focus on the fact you don't have this thing, and don't know how to get it; rather, you should think positively about your desired outcome and wonder what the answer might look like when it arrives.

In other words, you ask for what you want – with your thoughts – and wait patiently and faithfully, with a sense of positive expectancy. Do those things you feel inspired and compelled to do, and relax; your thoughts, and actions, will lead you to your answer. Isn't this how we think prayer works?

We think of what we want and ask, with our thoughts, for what we want – never knowing for sure how things will unfold – and take inspired action as it presents itself to us. The Law of Attraction isn't a thing that may or may not work; it is simply a way of talking about what might be happening – whether we are praying, wishing, or dreaming – to make our thoughts become things.

so positivity is the  way forward from now.

-i will be a psychologist and i will open up a clinic that is exclusively for muslim couples for my relationship counselling.

-i will sit at rich people tables at stock market general meetings sitting with my apple juice acting like it's champagne, with my equally inspiring and ambitious husband who is acc my plus one.

-i will be a forensic psychologist working with children and broken homes and CRIMINALS and the law enforcement - detectives, police officers, the whole lot.

one song that puts me in grind mode is 'trippin by french montana'

i imagine myself having a bath full of bubbly water with a bath bomb, a messy bun, with the window open with a night view of the stars from my penthouse in nyc crying about a case that got to me but then i remember where i came from and cry grateful tears looking up and thanking Allah.

taking first-class everytime i fly in emirates/etihad .. nothing else.

if  its not a penthouse why am i in it?

f logic, embrace emotionality

let my emotions guide me for once and my mind can pave the way to achieve what  my  heart desires