life updates for anyone who cares

Untitled Part 140

i would just like to know where all my zeal for life went, bc i want to find it. its like im the shell of who i was or who im "meant" to be - whatever that means. idc about becoming a psychologist or a relo counsellor, idek if i want these things anymore. i feel like i do, bc ive wanted them for so long; but if not this, then what?

and also idk how true it is that i dont want it, bc i LOVVVE studying for psych, but i also like doing law. and im kinda confused about how to find that fire again. i talked to my husband yesterday on ways i could improve in this coming year, and he said to stop relying on uni so much - and hes right. 100%

i rely on uni, like its gonna get me a job but really, its only credentials, you gotta do the work yourself. and i know this intellectually, but i really gotta convince myself to get out there.

the first thing is, i need to stop thinking i wont get a job just bc i havent yet. ive done a couple of interviews but it didnt continue after that, and i think this year 2021 where i became a wife, a DIL, a businessowner, a Distinction-getter - proved that if i can do ALLLL this... there is no need to be intimidated by a "job". even people who dont deserve it get jobs, literally.

low-lives have jobs, its not smth that requires real skill, but confidence and self-esteem, yes.

i want to earn money, not just for the sake of money, but i want to learn to invest - its what ive ALWAYS wanted to do. i forget to live my own life in pleasing my in-laws and my husband, but ava - you gotta do things for yourself and for your family and kids. your kids should never think you are financially dependent on your husband, and they should know you earn your own money. no, you dont kill yourself and your time with them to get it - but youre a good investor, and everything you earn goes to stocks or nfts

i do care about how much i earn, obviously. but its not of the utmost importance rn, more than anything, i want to earn bc earning gives you confidence and self-esteem to be an individual. and i want to be an individual.

even tho my savings from youth allowance really helped us out in our business, and ive thought about it. if my husband didnt wanna put me as a partner in business bc of some bs reason like i dont trust him, then why did we use up 75-80% of my savings for the business?

but i feel like "savings" are not real investment. i wanna put my money into a money tree of some sort, like stocks or other businesses and even charities and scholarships