life updates for anyone who cares

rishta part 3??

so... i guess things are moving forward and im continuing to do istikhara and things  are continuing to move forward and fast-paced but tbh i dont really feel it.

like we've met them like 7 times already in the space of three weeks which usually would be too many times for me if it were anybody else but honestly im not annoyed by it. im excited for some reason. i really feel like he could be the one i marry.. but there is a big issue for me which would be my living arrangement and im not tryna live with them. under no circumstances.

its better to be miserable while single than miserable while married and im not tryna compete with no woman, even if it is his mom, for his attention or respect.

also, we partly discussed this on our first meeting which went really well, we meshed well together. it wasnt awkward in the slightest and the questions that we asked kind of flowed really well, i didnt have to look at my phone forquestions and the answers were all there.

i kind of hope hes getting as much teased as i am from my family members lol otherwise i dont want it.

i did find it weird how his sisters gave him questions to ask and he didnt really have his own, but thats probably bc he wasnt that fussed and he got his important things out of the way such as kids and whether or not ill prioritise them.  and i told him ofc but like when does he want them bc hes 27 and im 20.. and he kind of didnt know lol.

and then we discussed how he would help around the house and he said "idk what would you want me to do?" and i just couldnt help but smile. idk i think im simping... i dont want to bc its dangerous rn.

if i get in my feelings and later regret it,... i will have to live with my decision. but the thing is.. things are moving quite organically and there is no force from either side. today is the third day of eid and yesterday they came to our house... all of them INCLUDING the dad.

which is HUGE bc they weren't going to bring him in until it became very serious... from hearing his sisters talk, their married sister also "cant wait to meet me" so im getting the feeling that its mostly yes from him but its not completely from me.. just bc of the living situation.

my arguments against the living situation bc guys and him included are extremely unrealistic.. he really said "dw, we will fight and ill tell my sisters and mum to stay out of it and thats its none of their business" but like???? how can it not be their business when the walls are literally made out of paper and our arguments will disturb their peace?? how can you reasonably expect someone not to interfere in your personal relo when the walls are thin. also i understand your circumstances but like its not smth i can compromise on. im sorry, especially bc the option is THERE and its open (granny flat)

and with marriage comes rizk.. so in shaa Allah you'll be able to afford it.

im thinking of telling him.. if we live separately.. maybe ill give you a discounted mahr. or just make that my mahr requirement... but ill definitely present the former one first. i dont wanna let him off the hook just yet. Allah made them our protectors and maintainers bc He made them responsible for us and that means they will have to suffer the consequence that comes with that financial burden.

its not fair to just be generous from the get-go. you need to make them feel like they earned it uno? but obviously not be a burden. i think i might put that as my mahr tbh... im really not sure. anything to preserve a relo. and also like come on how are we gonna do ~coupley things~ with his mum and sisters next door or even have a normal convo without anyone hearing? its bare awkward. like everyone just listening in on your private conversations with your husband??/ no thanks.

if he accepts this requirement outside of mahr then i will definitely offer to chip in... otherwise i think i should leave it in the mahr. anyways. im really just hoping and praying Allah makes him and his family understand why im asking for this. im praying his parents understand that its a reasonable request bc it is.

its a shar'ia right FOR  A REASON. there are some things i can never understand as a woman.. the financial struggles of a man.. and in the same way a man will never understand why so many women cannot live under the same roof. i honestly cant sacrifice/compromise on this. like in the slightest