life updates for anyone who cares

sister drama... back at it

so ye, i cbb to go into details about how it started but the basics are that she doesnt like us to be 'concerned' about her, bc she gets overly worried herself and thinks we dont trust her, when its not even about that.

its more about how she gets obsessed about everything and completely absorbed which is ofc concerning, its like a cultish-obsession and i dont think we are wrong in worrying about that, but she takes it as us not trusting her,, and ye maybe thats part of it.

i dont trust obsessions and extra-ness, at one point she wanted to write a blog soooo bad, she made baba pay $300 for a hosting website and used it only once...

she was obsessed with twitter to the point where she let everyone on there get to her (and like that happens)

she was soooo into this dude named adam, who broke her heart to put it simply, had she just relaxed, she could've given her heart to her actual husband-to-be but i guess that didnt click for her

she told me that shes "just this way" and is an obsessive person by nature which makes her unlikely to learn from others mistakes, and that she has to make her own mistakes to learn

and i thought 'well, go hurt yourself then, the world's your frkn oyster, i guess'

like what am i gonna do? stop you? bro, if you wanna hurt yourself that bad, just go!!

like why are we still talking im confused

and i told her that she doesnt take our concern the right way and reads the wrong things into it, so we just wont ask her stuff. and ofc thats not what she wanted.. but tbh, when we finally deprive her off this, she'll come back begging later ik that for a fact

bc she thinks we're obsessed with her and that we have nothing better to do with our time, so let it be, we will leave her alone to do whatever she likes, have the experiences she wants to have so bad, and hurt herself and let her get jaded again and again.

i cant stop her, and honestly ive wasted too much time trying to, im gonna tell mama to stop asking her how she is, or worrying about what shes thinking or what shes into atm. bc shes pretty stupid if she thinks shes gonna say guided forever... like there are literally Hadith about not asking hypothetical questions bc you are only hurting yourself, and there is wisdom behind letting go of things and "not knowing"

after i fell into the red pill rabbit hole, im more than good not knowing certain things, and shes gonna have to come to that conclusion herself. idek why i bothered to start this convo again with her, but im glad to know i have to 'worry' about one less person now, so im happy.

it did affect me, i guess at the end of the day, she is my sister so ye ofc it will affect me but no more. 

and anyway, im pretty all hands on deck rn myself this semester, so im glad to know shes out of my hair, and that she likes it that way, otherwise she doesnt feel 'trusted'

so like whatever. i also asked her that when our mutual friend M.G is talking about her fiance, she doesnt spend more than a minute before she starts lecturing her, and yet when it comes to her talking to a guy in his DMs she wants me "to understand" like wth??? you dont even understand when other people do the same thing as you and you tell them off, and yet you dont wanna receive the same treatment, sounds like a glass house throwing stones type of situation.

and she immediately said 'ye im wrong in that situation, but i still want you to lsiten, bc im already scolding myself" ???? like ok, you think M.G isnt 'scolding' herself, trying to keep it halal as best as she can, with her parents' wishes and regardless she shares it?? but the sharing isnt the point, she atleast takes the criticism that we give her, instead of acting like we're starting cOnFliCt and DrAgGiNG cOnFlIcT for the sake of it, like pls get over yourself.

anyways, im gonna tell mama to back off as well and tell her to stop worrying about her, bc frankly she doesnt deserve it and she doesnt ask for it... so ... whatever i guess

you reap what you sow.