life updates for anyone who cares

"friends" and drama in pakistan

so my siblings have gone to pakistan and well, the drama that has ensued in the past few days is entertaining to say the least but also concerning. so basically one of my cousins from punjab is in love with my brother, and my brother LOVES the attention she gives him which is why he eggs it on so much. i never understood his obsession with pakistan... now that all my cousins are married, i dont even wanna go there bc its literally gonna be dead.

but thats besides the point, apparently my brother loves pakistan bc of my guy cousin who he really gets along with, and so that makes sense. but its his joking nature with my girl cousin in punjab (S) that irritates me, bc he KNOWS she likes him and yet hes always doing the most, he gave her his number etc and my phoppo is so adamant on getting them married that she got mad at them for "surprising" them in punjab so that S and my brother couldnt meet. i hate going to punjab, theres always so much drama, and on top of that my tayaa is always saying stuff like "dont come here again if youre only gonna be here for a week/two weeks" but like the total trip is a whole month so????

its half the time there and the other half in karachi. anyway i told my brother off for being immature and playing with S's feelings. i dont like S for other reasons, shes got this dark energy from her, like her whole attitude is off. and ye shes pretty and hot, but thats not enough. shes also shi'a and just not good vibes honestly. she has low self-esteem and yet relies on her looks to get by, and thats how she tries to entice my brother, by dancing provocatively in the name of "shadi ki performance" but its just not smth i want in our house. anyway. on top of that my parents are cousins, and her parents are also cousins, and if my brother and her get married it will be triple trouble, kids-wise.

S's siblings already are mentally challenged bc of genetics so that shouldnt be passed on, and i love them but there is a reason that we stray away from that phoppo. idk if the stories about her practising or going to someone who practices black magic are true. but apparently when her kids came out "disabled" she went to a black magician and had some tasbeehs and etc done, and since then she has this "off" feeling about her. idk maybe its the placebo effect for me.

 regardless i stay away from her bc of her outdated viewpoints and the fact that she is shi'a.

anyways. in other news, my "friend" M.G messaged the gc with some tiktok that said "that person who always gets fun out of humiliating someone" and @'dme basically. i didnt take her too seriously bc she thinks me telling her not to talk to her old-ass cousin that was literally bad for her was me "judging her" and me telling her to stop vaping and killing her lungs is me "judging her" but when my other "friend" M.Q liked it, thats when it got to me. idek what the point is of abbreviating their names, i dont have any risk they would ever find this, but ive been wrong too many times about this type of stuff. "nobody will find out" etc etc. they always do. so ill keep it like this .

but anyway i became pissed over M.Q bc she said me mentioning her "wattpad" reading list made her feel like that i believed she read erotica and etc (bsically, once we were playing on her phone, we saw wattpad and we opened it and it had some sex scene on and ever since then its been a joke in our circle) anyways we talked it out and i told her she needs to stop being so passive-aggressive about things bc it pushes me and others away and that if she doesnt learn to communicate how she feels, shes just gonna have a hard life. she seemed to understand.

but tbh idek why i try with that group, i full had a mental breakdown on the voice notes and basically cried about how im feeling about having a baby bc my SIL is having a second baby. and i really feel like im ready and i want one too. afra, is not a good friend. everytime i tell her smth, she starts talking about her problems or she just comforts in such a terrible way that i wish i would've never said smth. anyways, maybe she just sucks at it bc shes the one that always needs a shoulder to cry on, but i just feel like friends shouldnt use each other, but they should be there for each other.

or maybe i expect too much from friends in the first place, and thats whats always gotten me in trouble. for eg. after i had my mental breakdown, instead of coaxing me into telling her anything she said "up to you if you wanna talk" but thats like not supportive??? like wdym "up to you" its like the "you can come if you want" of invitations like sisss if you gonna "invite" me like that, i'd rather NOT come. but idk maybe her brain is so fried she doesnt care about anyone. im writing this here so i dont talk to her, bc i have previously, but it fell on deaf ears. atleast M.Q, no matter how passive-aggressive she can be, listens to what i say. i still dont trust M.Q, for the record, bc she goes thru these weird phases of trusting and not trusting us and im just over it lol

anyways, all im saying is... if i was on the other end of hearing those voice notes, i would not only private message my friend... but i wouldnt say stupid passive shit like" up to you if you wanna talk" im the type of friend that will harrass you until you tell me, respectfully.

so honestly, idk if i expect too much from friends or if afra lacks self-awareness (she does) or both. but im done trying to talk to her... shes a faraway friend, if you will. shes in the group and not particularly displeasing so i tolerate her, but apart from that idrc