life updates for anyone who cares

freshly grounded card game

sooo we were playing this "vulnerable" card game and the question "how should i improve my communication skills with you" came up and we all took turns to answer the question. but when it came to my sister, she kind of stared blankly at everyone but i could see tears seaming at her eyes.

and when we asked her, she attempted to answer, but my husband randomly chimed in and said "_____ why do you have such deep-rooted hate in your heart, like you have such a cool personality but you just this inner resentment" and that lead her to start crying. 

idk how my husband observes so well, but his people skills are way better than mine. or maybe its bc i dont create enough distance or detachment between myself and my family to see it. but he was completely right. obvs, he felt bad bc the game got REAL after that, and we tried to console her and moved onto baba and mama

and so we did, but i never noticed it tbh, not until my husband started saying it. anyways, i checked her phone today and saw her search up things like "why do i have such deep rooted hate" and "why do i hate getting asked questions" bc she mentioned at the end of the game that she "hated getting criticised" but doesnt everyone? i dont mean to be rude but nobody likes it, the truth is tho, we all gotta take it. again, i dont mean to be rude.

but from my perspective, truly, she wants to be and stay deluded and anything and anyone who will put up the mirror to her actions is deemed an "opp" or somebody who she "can't communicate with" the truth is tho, alot of the way she perceives things needs to change. the fact that one of her searches was "why do i hate being asked questions" proves that she thinks shes above being questioned or asked about whatever shes doing, but thats not how you live life. i think she is a covert narcissist which means she chooses passive aggression instead of assertiveness or direct aggression like an overt narcissist would, which makes it worse.

covert narcissists acc do have a sense of entitlement and sense of "im better than everyone" HOWEVER, and thats a big however they are salty and bitter when others point out how not-perfect they acc are, which is what leads them to socially withdraw, go inwards and seethe hate

im not saying this bc i dont like my sister, but things need to be said and the mask needs to be thrown. and the truth is, the way she reacts to criticism: by shutting down, going inwards and just straight-up not talking or telling you things - its not always about the other person. sometimes, have some self-awareness and look inwards. 

if "everybody" is being annoying, maybe its truly your perception thats "annoyed" regardless.

in the same way, if "everybody" who speaks to you and you perceive it as them speaking at you, well, its definitely your perception. 

my husband said this to, about her aggression, he said "you cant just blame everyone else and you know do some passive-aggressive stuff instead of just saying what it is that bothers you. like you know when youre doing wrong, so why would you get mad at others for pointing that out" which is what to lead to her being quiet.

i think it was good that my husband said those things, bc shes out here believing that her family is the enemy and that we just say the same things bc we probably have group meetings about it - and now that she sees it from an outsiders perspective, she  should understand that really, your perception is not infallible.

saying "no i dont think im perfect or above criticism" is not enough if your actions say otherwise and you hyper-react to any criticism or QUESTION fgs. anyways, idk what else to say about this, except that i really hope she works on this.

bruhhhhh, in other news, exams are finished, business hasn't really continued, and so im sitting at home looking at how to eat better lol.

btw my dad has a fatty liver and my mom was diagnosed as pre-diabetic, so i really am doing as much research ass i can on keto and other options to control their health. it honestly got me so worried, constantly thinking about the consequences. but at the same time, the hope in Allah never dies and i focus on the solution rather than the problem. so hopefully all goes well, i think mama will stick to it relatively well but baba is obviously annoyed bc he already has a tiny palate for things and those are NOT ketogenic. so i hope to Allah he takes it seriously bc its better than being on all these medications etc to regulate just regular living